Am I being unreasonable?

You’re lucky to see GC regularly as many of us don’t have that luxury.
I understand you want family to Pop in to see you, but have you told them that?
I also understand it’s easier for you to cook & care for GC in their own home (as they’ll have their own things there) and you don’t want the mess of them coming to your home. But this is maybe why they don’t visit.
Just my opinion

I would quite like my son to visit on his own, yes, as we have good conversations together. nanny2507 I could drop in on them any time I wanged really. I just would like to have them in my home from time to time.
I'm not bored! I have a very active mind and am intetested in what is going on around me. I currently volunteer for Victim Support and am looking to do more hours, possibly for Marie Curie. I wish I had time to be bored 🙂

Bluebell to say that she should pay for that meal 1 day a week is a bit short sighted. You have no idea how much money this lady lives on and a meal for 5 can cost a lot. But I would give my right arm to have my daughter to ask me over. I moved house to be closer and the invite, without having the GC, rarely happens. But I will take what I can and if having the GC and being there that night is it, I'll grab it. Its not them being rude or mean they are probably just so busy with work and activities for their children that time runs away xx

You say the cooking you do is good for you as it doesn’t happen at home so I’m confused as to what the problem is then . You see your grandchildren and your son and daughter in law. I presume it’s because you want them to visit you

You are saying they both work, your son from 7.30 am they go away in the camper at weekends, I am sure the children have after school hobbies they catch up with you once a week, when would you like them to drop in exactly, what more would you have to say, that isn't said then , if it's going to be the same conversation over again wouldn't that be boring? Is it because you find the other days long and boring? Try and find a hobby or group to help you overcome that even if it's a coffee morning / afternoon or bingo, if you ask at your local library what is going on I am sure they have a list. Do what ever you are able to do, give it a go. Honestly your family will appreciate you all the more. Also I know £20 sounds a lot but it isn't to feed a five it isnt.

I wouldnt see anything wrong with your son popping over now and again in his own. I see all three of my children on their own at various times. Its much easier than trying to fx it up with everyone.

Everybody is aware, for example, that I could not have thd children overnight at my house as just too much for me. I need to say that I value picking the kids up after school, doing the meal etc. I do find it a bit expensive tbh but just keep on going as the relationships are important. There is only me in my house. There is no spouse backing me up and it can be a fight financially. I own the house and am responsible for maintenance/upgrading. I would mean for them all to drop in and would not single out my son to visit on his own. People on here seem a little on the disrespectful side with regard to other people's finances. I think I have done fairly well to keep this arrangement working for about 3 years 🙂

Im trying to get your vision of hiw you want it to be.

You want them to pop in unexpectedly, have a cup of tea and a chat and then leave?

Just your son? All of them.? I cant really see that working with the children. What would they be doing for forty minutes or an hour while the adults drank their tea? It might work with just your son but then that eats into the time at at the time he has to spend with his children at the weekends.

Maybe be quite clear about how you see it working before you tell them what you want.

It looks to me that they realise you cant really cope with the GC at your house and that's why there's this arrangement in place.
If you get fatigued and don't like mess at your home its best you stick with the way things are.
You dont have to spend £20 on a meal but to be honest that's not a lot t feed 5 people.If you were to take the children out after school you could easily spent that amount and more.
Maybe have a chat about it if you dont want to carry on with this or just dont want the expense of the meal...you could just pick the children up from school and give them a snack and leave when their parents arrive home

I cook a full mezl for everyone because my son has been working manually since 7.30 in morning. Carpenter. And DIL also has a good appetite. The cooking at their house is something I view as good for me as does not happen at home. My grandchildren have tried out various recipes I have made. Not always successfully 🙂 Yes I do sometimes take them out to the Cinema. All three of us enjoy that. I think I am going to have to bite the bullet snd try to tell them how I feel.

Do you take DGC out? Or is the only social interaction at their house with you cooking? If so the £20 a week is cheap if you consider the cost of outings! Soft plays, cinema even a park trip with possible cafe or ice creams

I'm not sure why you cook everyone a full meal every week. Especially buying all the ingredients. Presumably they manage to fend for themselves the other 6 days. Tell them its too much and just do something on toast or a jacket potato for the kids.

A Polish family who used to live here have called in unannounced around Christmastime 2 years running. They now have 3 DC under 5!

Luckily I keep a box of toys and there was food because there was cake etc.

It was nice to see them but I would have preferred some warning, I think.

In your case I don't think it's the dropping in you want but just a bit more appreciation for all you do.

Well I still don’t understand if your at there house you have to cook a £20 meal every week When I looked after mine on a school day they d probably have had beans on toast with an egg surely stuff like that is in their fridge.
I still think you ll be waiting a long time for a ‘pop in’ invite them over, they can’t read your mind

M0nica

Why not just invite them round to your home for some reason or another or just tell them you would like them to call in.

I am afraid I am one of those people who prefers to just go ahead a nd say things, obviously I will choose my words, but it makes for far less upset if everything is in the open.

Agree with Monica.

Just say " I'd love to see you at mine sometimes. As a starter why dont you come over for tea and cake soon. Lets get it in the diary!"

Whilst they are with you say how lovely it is to have them over and they are welcome to drop in whenever and how much you would like that to happen.

Having said that, as they see you and chat weekly they probably feel there is less need to drop in to see you maybe?

Okay Vegansrock. I don't feel it is unreasonable to aim for reciprocity with adult family members. At the moment I do all the giving.. It is not as simple as someone not liking mess in their homr. I have major depressive disorder and other conditions which physically limit me. It is an ongoing struggle to remove clutter from the house and get it organisef. I would happily welcome them in for cake and a cuppa as someone.said.

Well you see them once a week, don’t like mess in your house, they are a busy family - I think expecting them to pop in as well is a bit much. If you weren’t able to do the weekly pickup maybe they would make the effort. I think you are being a bit unreasonable to be honest.

I'm reading all of them. Re the mess in my house, when I cook at theirs they generally clear up and put the dishes in the dishwasher etc. I do have illnrsses which leave me very tired and I very much struggle trying to get and keep my home in order.
Yes I do have social chat with them while I am tbere. Part of it might be that they know this is the case not sure.
It is very hard to get something to make that all the family would eat. I cook pretty much from scratcb when I sm there and the grocery bill csn be in the early £20 mark. That is quite a lot I think.
As a family they are regularly away in a camper at weekends.

Well, spontaneous might be hard, given (I’m assuming) both parents work.

However, why not invite them across for a cuppa and slice of cake?

Not sure, having worked full time myself and had four children, that a weekend would work.

I know from experience that often children of this age do activities/clubs.

Our 11 year DGS plays football in a local team, that’s Saturday on training, and Sunday matches, during the season. On top of this he has dancing/musical theatre on Saturday mornings, and scouts to fit in during the week. Friends coming over for sleepovers and the parents social and work life.

It’s an awful busy life

You don’t describe how the GC parents are with you when you’re in their home Thistlelass, you don’t explain why you buy the ingredients for the meal you cook there. Is there no food in their house? Do you all chat over dinner? Do they get up from the table and leave you to clear away alone? Do you ever have a conversation with them at all?
You also claim that having the GC at yours would make a mess……maybe the family have picked up on this and feel uncomfortable in your home and afraid the children will make a mess. Maybe, because of your health issues, they think it would be too much for you.
There’s so many variables and so much that you’re not telling us but one thing’s for sure, you need to have a conversation with the family, invite them over, ask what stops them visiting, tell them you’d love to cook for them - if that’s what you yearn to do. But you have to accept that children often bring a little chaos - and I mean that kindly - you cannot expect them to sit and do nothing. Toys and books etc can be restricted to a specific play area, organisation is not difficult.

Presumably you see the parents when they come home and have a bit of a chat before you leave. So you get to see your family once a week. That’s really nice.

If they’re at work all week I’m not sure when they would “pop in” to be honest.

I think maybe you’re viewing it as someone who isn’t at work and has free time whereas they will be trying to fit in work, house, garden, children, other relatives , friends.

Their lives are full to overflowing and for them seeing you once a week seems about right.

Why not just invite them round to your home for some reason or another or just tell them you would like them to call in.

I am afraid I am one of those people who prefers to just go ahead a nd say things, obviously I will choose my words, but it makes for far less upset if everything is in the open.

I think I am like Pleasebenice.
And the 2nd paragraph of BlueBelle.

It sounds to me that you don’t really want them in your house, as it makes a mess, and you have health issues. Perhaps the family have picked up on your displeasure and are trying to make sure you keep in contact with the DGC without worrying about mess. You can’t have it both ways. And, sorry, I don’t see how that makes you a doormat.

I get this, I think.

I looked after one lot of grandchildren in their own home because it made more sense that way round. I have had 2 other lots here because that made sense too.

The ones that I had here are much more at home here than the others- helping themselves to anything they want, getting out all the craft stuff etc and putting it back.

TBH making a mess of our home is something we relish.