Poor old Granny & Gramps

My MIL told me when I was pregnant for my 1st child that she would help in an emergency only. She was there in 20 minutes when OH was in bed with a slipped disc, and son was rushed to hospital for his appendicitis. She collected the other children from school, cooked tea and came every day until son was out of hospital.
When my DD and granddaughter lived with us it ended up with me being used to cover childcare all day every day while she worked, several nights a week while she saw the boyfriend and friends etc.
I insisted she found a Childminder and nursery place after resentment built up on both sides, due to very frequent arguments about me looking after DGD.
Things improved and we get on really well now. We do care for DGD when DD needs it and her nice circle of friends can't help.
People need to put down boundaries, and exactly what hours they are prepared to do, at the beginning, which is what I wish I had done with my DD

Go without. I did. Not that my family has shown any appreciation since!

Agree. Disgusting amount to spend on something that never lasts.

Grandma70s

I looked after my own children. Does nobody do that any more?

In all fairness to young parents few can afford to look after their own children these days.

House prices are so outrageous, rental properties either non-existant or shockinly dear, so if a young couple are to have a fair chance of something decent to live in and bring their children up in, both husband and wife need to work full-time.

Very few can manage with both spouses working part time or even one of them working part time and even fewer can afford mum or dad staying at home in order to bring up the children.

And take into account that if one spouse does stay at home to look after children until the youngest is at school, he or she is probably not contributing to a pension scheme, pre-paid funeral scheme or any other form of saving for the future. And this will come back to bite them later on!

And honestly, how do you justify encouraging teenagers of both sexes to go on to further education, if they are going to be faced with the choice of either not using their skills because they stay at home to care for their children, or have to choose not to have children, in order to use the education they probably took loans in order to pay for?

We have three of our 5 children later than many, I was 39, 42 & 44, when they were very little I worked full time but the twilight shift, in came husband, off I popped. Later I swapped to days and relied on a childminder, breakfast club and after school clubs and in the school holidays DH and I took 1 week our hols together then alternated between sharing childcare and holiday clubs.

TillyTrotter

My MIL (only GP living) looked after our 2 children when they were under 7 years old
just 1 day a week while DH and I worked.
As soon as I went to pick them up from her she did nothing but complain about them.
I changed my job and childcare arrangements a.s.a.p.
MIL was 52 years old.
We didn’t want to insult her by paying her,
but I cooked Sunday roast dinner for her every week.

She sounds a bit grim tbh 😂🤣😂

Many couples these days spend astronomic amounts of money on their weddings, Perhaps, they could cut down on the lavish wedding and instead put the money aside to pay for childcare when needed.

I was much younger when my grandchildren were small, I certainly could not have coped with that amount of care in my 70s. Nor would I have wanted to.
Adult children now seem to expect a great deal from their families especially grandparents many of whom seem unable to say no. It is difficult I know when both parents need to work and child care is expensive. I think that parents need to look at their priorities, when my children were young my husband worked Mon - Fri and I worked at weekends.
No easy answers I suppose and different for each family.

My MIL (only GP living) looked after our 2 children when they were under 7 years old
just 1 day a week while DH and I worked.
As soon as I went to pick them up from her she did nothing but complain about them.
I changed my job and childcare arrangements a.s.a.p.
MIL was 52 years old.
We didn’t want to insult her by paying her,
but I cooked Sunday roast dinner for her every week.

Exploitation is the word. Childcare 5 days a week from grandparents- ridiculous!! Are they really happy do it !?
I did one day a week it worked well and it was a joy not a chore !
When are parents going to step up to the plate and take care of their own children?
Too many GPs being taken advantage of!

Its' sometimes difficult to remember when offering to help with childcare that time has moved on a bit and toddlers can seem far faster, heavier and louder than before
Best to offer a bit less than we think we can manage and see how it goes.
I'll have 22years between my GC (any day now] and feel the difference!

As we lived 200 miles from our grandchildren, there was no uestion of childcare. Even if they had been nearer I do not think I would have been prepared to do it.

DH never stopped working. I have just been paid for the work he did the week he died. Back when the DGC were young it still involved a lot of overseas travel for uncertain periods, we also had a holiday home in France. My DiL's mother lived close, but she was in her 70s and DS and DDiL decided that she should not be expected to do more than 1 days care of one child, each week and was not expected to care for 2.

It wasn't easy, but both had a certain amount of flexibility in their work and DDiL went part time. In fact it was not much different to the problems I faced a generation earlier before the availability of child care centres, after school and breakfast clubs. But you muddle through.

Grandma70s

I looked after my own children. Does nobody do that any more?

I did too, but then I did not need to work when dds were still very little.
It’s a very different story for many parents today - largely because of the vastly increased cost of housing - whether rented or mortgaged - compared to incomes now.

PS - I’d do whatever my DD’s asked, but they’re (only) 25 miles away and seem to have everything in hand - but I’m always available,

My friend (73) has looked after her grandchildren, now 14 and 18 almost from the day they were born. Nowadays, the elder, still living at home can drive and is at Uni, but my friend goes to their house, every afternoon, 5 days a week to walk the dog, cook, clean and insists on collecting the 14 year old from school every day.
She says her Mum did nothing for her and she didn’t want to go down the same route. I must say her son and his wife are very grateful.

The parents are doing what the Grandparents allow. No sympathy from me.
However I think exploitation is the wrong word. You have no evidence ot is not what they want.

Grandma70s

I looked after my own children. Does nobody do that any more?

Depends if you have to work full time then obviously you cannot look after children as well

I used to do a 3 hour round trip drive to look after 2 of my GCs. I did this for 11 years until they were old enough to cope on their own.

I don't regret any of it and have a close relationship with my GCs who are now adults and working. It was hard work but I'm glad I did it.

It’s hard work and I know I couldn’t do it every day, every week. Ours go to daycare which is very expensive but we help out where we can.

I looked after my own children. Does nobody do that any more?

Exploitation may not be the right word but I can understand why you feel that way.
Childcare is hellishly expensive, so many grandparents feel they can help by saving their own children and their families many thousands of pounds that can be spent elsewhere. Being hands-on builds a wonderful relationship between the generations too.
The hours you mention do seem excessive and if they are looking tired and worn out, which is par for the course with young children, then hopefully one of their 3 daughters will notice and do something about it.
Once at school there are breakfast and after school clubs that working parents could afford, giving the grandparents a bit of a break.
After years of helping with my 9 grandchildren I am relieved at almost 79 to only have to help with the 3 youngest (14, 13 and 12) but I would not have missed any of it for the world.
I sincerely hope your neighbour's parents are appreciated.