Hubby is reluctant step-granddad

I would not worry at this stage MandK you are stressing about something which in all likelihood will not happen. Your husband sounds like a nice man, trust him to do the right thing.

Why on earth should you have to choose between husband and grandchild?
I am sure your husband will respond well to the new baby when it arrives, but meanwhile somebody needs to have a word with the son- in- law.

I'd back off a bit, tbh. And see if you can encourage sil to stop the jokes and comments. Your dh is beginning to think the new baby will take you away from him and is already feeling jealous. You married him, not the baby!

I wonder if it's more your dh is concerned that they might take advantage of you? I was very firm before my dd had dgs that I wouldn't be doing childcare. I changed my mind once he was born and I love spending time with him. So your dh might be looking out for you and could change his attitude. Definitely your sil needs to stop the comments though as it's winding up your dh.

Thanks so much. Thinking about it, I'm sure you're right. Typical me to panic!

Maybe your husband is hoping that the jesting of your son in law isn't him seriously hinting that he wants those things, or that your daughter and son in law are going to rely on you too much to take on responsibility for what is, after all, their child. Anything given is a favour and should be appreciated as such. That would irk me too.

What are you and your husband's goals for this time of life? Does child minding get in the way of those? Maybe this is why your husband is getting annoyed, as it's his time to do the things you put off when raising a family.

I think that helping with Child care has to be a joint decision as it will affect you both, maybe, when our situations return to normal, your DH wants to be able to go out as and when he wants with you and not be tied down with Child care for 5 years.
Sit down and have a chat, it’s very early days, in the meantime tell your SIL to shut up about it as it isn’t funny.

Thanks for the input which is very thought provoking. I know my daughter will not take advantage and is aware. She is always very appreciative of any help and is a sensible soul. As the person above has said, it is early days but I really must discuss child care in detail with Hubby, daughter and son-in-law sometime soon. My son in law is a really sweet man but he can be a bit insensitive. I will find an opportunity to tell him to back off!

I agree with Oopsadaisy. Any childcare you give your GC will impact on your H as well as you so it's something you need to talk about and agree on.

I'd have a word with your s.i.l. and tell him to drop the 'jokes'.

Congratulations by the way.

Maybe he’s feeling a bit sad to not have a close relationship with his daughters and therefore their future children? I wouldn’t press the topic. I’m sure once the baby arrives he will love him/her and this will be a thought of the past

nobody likes to feel taken for granted.
he probably resents this seemingly jokey was of roping you both in to do childcare for them.
it would annoy me too.
because it is manipulative; said in a context of general rejoicing at the coming child, so to object let alone become assertive would seem churlish and out of place.
the one making these comments needs to stop.
this is how estrangements start.