Soop's kichen for friendly folk and pampered pets

Trawling Internet for a Pill Splitter, to get half a dose.

I found this

www.youtube.com/watch?v=72NfSwCzFVE

Actually OH's nails do the job.

Our GP prescribed a pill cutter with one lot of DH's mess. Didn't know they even existed before!
Have been know to use the pestle and mortar for Grace's antibiotics before now but that was just so that I could make "pâté and anti-bac ball canapés" to fool her then <sigh>

There is always this

How to give a cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

Maw been there - done that. For dogs we used fun sized mars bars on the basis that the small amount of chocolate they ingested was no more harmful than not having the blasted tablet.

Bagsy I have the gold at the end of the rainbow, I've just done a Woolovers shop There is currently, for about the next 8 hours, 20% off! My argument is that I would rather have an item of clothing than pay for delivery so it makes sense to spend over the free post limit!

*Mawbroon, I loved your post, it is so true!!

My cat would sell her soul for cheese whether poorly or not, but she always managed to eat the cheese and spit out the pill! In the end it always came down to wrapping her in a towel and forcing her mouth open to drop the pill as far back as possible. Poor old thing. I hated doing it.

All cats are terrors when it comes to pill popping. Tara can smell a pill many yards away so runs upstairs to find the most inaccessible place for me to retrieve her. I think it easier to fool a dog- maybe not every time but most times as many are greedy.

I note that M&S is contemplating home deliveries and are considering going with Ocado as have Morrisons and somebody else. That should be interesting.

Loved that post * Maw* .

Sam, as the trencherman of dogs, will accept a pill with the same fervour he would take a treat. Its all food to Sam!!

Its getting a bit fraught out there 'girls' and I stupidly ventured onto the thread about moving to be with your children and as I am moving away I am now immersed in guilt !!

That'll teach me !

Word to the wise
Never, EVER pay full price for Woolovers or Joules, kittylester and others!
If they do not have a discount offer running, try googling discount vouchers + the label. Not knowing there was a Woolovers discount coming up I did just that and actually got 30% off!

Oh my whatever! I am astonished that you lot have, yet again, left me breathless with flumaxation (my word)for speechless. How on earth am I expected to catch up? Well, I'm taking time out for lunch before I read through reams of happenings. You are totally amazing.

Hello, soop and everyone. Just popping in to say that the mushy peas were The Best I've ever tasted as well as a chish n fips being awesome.

I seem to have worn myself out hacking rhododendrons. Still a few metres of what seems like cave digging to go. Bit by bit during the amazing dry weather we're having here.

I want fish and chips now.
I do not like them from the chippy as they steam in the newspaper and go soggy
How many of you remember Philip Madoc as a German officer in Dad's Army ordering fish and chips for his captured comrades?
I like to eat them in a good pub but the last time I saw them they were about £12;95!!

ann, MrBags and I share one portion between us. It comes in at less than a tenner. Still not cheap but less than a fiver for each portion doesn't seem too bad. If I were getting some just for myself I'd get a child's meal.

soop and I once shared one fish and chips lunch between us at Inveraray. There was plenty for the two of us.

Izabella Your poem is truly beautiful. I've read it aloud to MacSporran I shall print it and place it in a box that contains many precious poems collected through the years. Thank you.

Galen When you are next invited to sit at the Captain's table...I dare you to entertain him with some of your jokes. He will either laugh his socks off or...make you (wearing those pearls) walk the plank.

MawB You could always earn a living as a stand-up (or sit down) comedienne.

N&G I can sense a marvellous third birthday bash for young Cooper is well and truly prepared and anticipated. I love Cooper's cheeky grin. He's such a happy wee fellow. No doubt you'll share photos with us nosy lot.

anno I didn't like the sound of your headache. Was it perhaps a migraine?
Torben is seven. We shall be with him when we have the annual family gathering. All seven grandchildren, ranging from the age of twenty seven make it a very special occasion. I happily live on the memories that are created at the gathering. It's not as if we can jump in the car and visit each and every one, but on such an occasion they make a point of travelling from near and far so that we can be together.

oldgoat As I read your nature notes I was, in my mind's eye, right there beside you.

Swanny Let us know how you get on when you've had the x-ray. Which is taking place today. I'm out of kilter. Trying my hardest to catch up.

bags How about that time we asked a very pleasant foreign waiter for fish, chips and mushy peas...it was an interesting compromise that was delivered to the table.

The care home visit went very much as planned. M asked me why the flowers had no water. I took them out of the vase and she sniffed them. I asked her to feel the petals. They were silk. Ah! They are not real. Five times over we went through the same routine. She seemed convinced but as I was leaving, she pointed to the vase yet again. At that point I thought of ann who manages to cope with all that her husband's dementia presents her with...day after day after day.

bags I ask for a child-size portion. I find that less (on the plate) is more appetising and far less wasteful.

Jud and Wobbly Where be you? Please get in touch when you've time. We miss you.

Quite honesty my H is not as bad as the just yet. We have just had a conversation which we have twice a week. I have a friend who moved from 2 minute walk away to a bungalow about 15 minutes away. He has never been so when I speak to her as I did about half an hour ago he asks where it is she lives now and is not satisfied until I get the AtoZ out and plot the route. Then he asked me again.

Greetings, one & all - catching up after a lovely morning spent firstly leading "littlies" in local library weekly Rhymetime session (25 darlings & 15 mums/grans/carers), immediately followed by monthly book club meeting & repairing to local cafe for gossip afterwards.(Such fun!)

Thanks for further welcomes Greyduster, Crafting, NanaandGrampy, and Swanny (hope wrist improves soon). I love the Hardy poem Izabella, wonderful uplifting words. Mawbroon; your pill/cat lesson was priceless.
My blackbird pair are struggling Oldgoat. They will sell their souls for the currents I put out for them but are buckling under the strain of now making a 3rd nest, previous attempts having been ravaged by magpies I suspect.
Now, what's all this about fish & chips? Never the same since "they" decoupled it from newspaper wrappings IMO. Our favourite holiday let in the Yorkshire Dales has a weekly visit from a very good chip van that trundles through the villages - you should see the queues that form in eager anticipation! (We provide or own newspaper).....(and ).

Never dined with the Captain. Wouldn't want to. He dines in Brittania and I'm in the Grills.
On the last cruise, a snobby exwaitress vetoed a professor from being invited to dine with us as she was in Brittania and we had payed more to be in the grills.

I have never been so ashamed of a British woman in my life!
The professor was a charming erudite American lady and the snob really quite vulgar and stupid.

It's the only time I have ever known such behaviour in the grills. The people are usually well read and charming company

Paid not payed

ann You are a lovely person.

Good afternoon PoshGran, I like the sound of the morning spent with "littlies". Coffee and cake, I hope. I had a scone and a welcome cup of tea when I visited the care home. The lady seated next to M crumbled hers into a trillion crumbs and they finished up on the carpet. The lovely lady who vacuums immediately after the event, took it in her stride. The alarm system was duly tested and the lady seated next to M thought that she fancied a second scone, which happened to be the one that I was part way through. The lady with the vacuum cleaner watched from across the room. It was at that point I decided to sing 'Rock around the clock'. Can't think why. Anyway, it put a few smiles on the faces of some of the ladies. I suppose that can be construed as being a positive point.

Galen Most snobs are vulgar and stupid. I avoid them like the plague. I prefer down-to-earth types. You, dear Galen, are proper "classy"

PoshGran We dined some years ago in a Harry Ramsden's fish and chip restaurant. White starched table linen and proper napkins.

Soop
You've never met me! To quote my grandmother ( who could remember Queen Victoria, I'm common as muck!