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Elderly aunt bossed about my late Mum ... and she called me Mum today

(7 Posts)
mosaicwarts Sun 09-Jun-19 17:40:32

Hello all, I just wondered what you thought.

My Mum was two years older than my aunt, and very protective towards her because she was only 4 foot 2 inches tall. My aunt has often told me my Mum 'bossed' her about. She had an illness as a child that stopped her growing.

My Mum died in 2000 and since then my aunt has said to me on the phone several times 'I hate being told what to do'. I have no intention of telling her what to do but today we were discussing clearing out cupboards.

I said 'I've seen people recommend setting the egg timer for 15 minutes, and just doing what you can in that time'.

My aunt said 'Oh, I haven't heard of that before'. She then added in a less than friendly tone 'Thank you Mum'.

Was I being bossy?

I thought I was sharing a helpful tip. I didn't say 'you must' or 'you should'. I'm always treading on eggshells with her because I'm aware of her issue with her size and being treated 'like a child'.

aggie Sun 09-Jun-19 17:49:34

She sounds super sensitive ! What you said didn't sound bossy to me

Sara65 Sun 09-Jun-19 18:00:11

Not to me either, you really are walking on eggshells!

EllanVannin Sun 09-Jun-19 20:16:56

______hence the egg-timer.

mosaicwarts Sun 09-Jun-19 20:25:24

ha ha - thanks - I've just realised I've got my title wrong too! she's got me in a tizz!

Because she's so scared of being 'told what to do' she didn't tell me when she put her flat on the market, which I found very upsetting as she is my last living relative that I can talk to. She thought I'd be angry -?

TwiceAsNice Sun 09-Jun-19 22:27:13

She sounds as if she has a chip on her shoulder to me

M0nica Mon 10-Jun-19 16:31:15

I feel sorry for her. If she she was bossed around all her life by her older sister, her fear and atagonism to anyone who might try to do so again is obvious.

Also if she is 4ft 2 inch, almost everyone she meets including many children must be much taller than her and that is also intimidating.

My reaction to her would be endless sympathy and understanding. Constantly reassure her, but accept that the circumstances of her life must leave her constantly in fear of people who think her small height means that everyone else knows much better than she does what is good for her and that she has constantly to defie them.

Of course she has a chip on her shoulder, so would I in her circumstances.