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Alone again.

(24 Posts)
beautybumble Sun 24-Nov-19 18:41:35

I'm quite a positive person, although somewhat reserved. Like many others I'm alone with only married friends, so just like all weekends and most week days actually, I've not spoken to another soul since Friday. Human beings are not supposed to be alone, it's not natural, but I've hardly ever known anything else. I do a voluntary thing on Wednesdays and I've applied for something else to do with the hospital, but I would so love to have a normal conversation with someone. If you are the same and feel so desperate for company, my heart goes out to you because its hard. I'm 70 soon and will never give up hope of meeting someone special.

BlueBelle Sun 24-Nov-19 18:52:04

Do you need to meet someone special
I speak to people every day have long conversations with friends either over coffee or on the telephone I do lots and lots of voluntary work in a week where I talk to all and sundry I talk to people at bus stops in shops (and I m reserved at times too) but I ve made myself be more open There’s no one special any more in my life and yes there are still hours when Im alone and a bit bored or even lonely but on the whole I fill all the time up being busy even when I don’t speak to anyone

tanith Sun 24-Nov-19 18:56:06

I live alone now although I do have family close by but at weekends I tend to be alone as I feel they all need their time to recuperate after a hard week of work and family. So I’ve not spoken to anyone since Friday either I try not to feel sorry for myself but just sometimes I miss my OH so much weekends especially.

Chloejo Sun 24-Nov-19 19:08:26

hi I feel the same as you ive been alone for 2 days and not spoken to anyone. most of the time I get out most days walking my little dog and always meet someone with dogs and they like a chat. im due to move so busy sorting that out. try do volunteering or coffee mornings I will do that once settled. lots of us like this but its best to get out and about age concern looking for volunteers. ive just been a bit down so haven't gone out stress of move and life I guess. there are book clubs at local library although ive not tried them lots do go. are you fit enough to join a rambling club

BradfordLass72 Sun 24-Nov-19 19:08:39

What sort of clubs, societies and other organisations are there in your area?
Most people live within a reasonable distance of U3A, or clubs/groups catering for crafts, educational or leisure pursuits and so on. Citizens Advice Bureaux will help you find them.

One day a week volunteering is not enough for you.

I often go days without speaking to or seeing anyone.
The difference is, I don't really mind.

To some humans it IS natural to be alone, I'm one of them. In my youth, I dreaned of living in some remote rural area and not meeting another human for months on end - but it didn't work out like that, so I make do by being a hermit in the suburbs grin

Although I enjoy company when I can, I have a huge sense of relief when coming home to my empty house, knowing I can close and lock the door on the world.

I've joined clubs and societies over the years but they haven't truly suited me. The subject did, the Trivia club for instance was great and I went for over a decade but I had nothing in common with the other participants.

I've persevered though and still do but I have no feeling of kinship.
I honestly have no conception of what it's like to be lonely.
That may seem like a good thing but I often think I'm too introspective.

MawB Sun 24-Nov-19 19:17:57

I empathise with you both - especially tanith as I know owe are in a similar situation,

Weekends are hell when everybody else seems to be a couple Today I have spoken to the Ocado delivery man and even more fleetingly to the Amazon courier! (No I didn’t offer either of them sandwiches or crisps )and I have had a fulfilling afternoon in the kitchen but I found myself thinking bereavement is a bloody lonely place. However, in Paw’s last years Sundays were often lonely in that he wasn’t well enough to go anywhere and liked a quiet life with his books.
The grass always seems greener when everybody sounds as if they are having family-filled weekends or a great social life.
A good DVD can help on a Sunday afternoon!
I think, OP you need more in your life than volunteering - look for clubs, interest groups, WI, health walks, something to bring you into a wider circle.
Good luck

lemongrove Sun 24-Nov-19 19:27:04

Good advice on here bbumble
Do you have any friends that phone you, or you them?
I have phoned this afternoon, a friend who was widowed a year ago, because she is rather reclusive and doesn’t talk to many people.I am taking her somewhere once a week if I manage it ( often turns out every two weeks though) as she doesn’t drive.I have suggested clubs to her, but I know it won’t happen.
A book group is often a good way to meet like minded people, or you could join WI.Of course these are only once a month, but there are craft groups, history and gardening clubs and U3A.Good luck.

jacq10 Sun 24-Nov-19 19:48:19

Sunday is a difficult day if you live on your own. You can have friends and family around but they are not always and we shouldn't expect them to be. I am like bbumble and quite positive, even after my DH passing away very suddenly after a few years of poor health. I am quite a reserved person and happy with my own company and lucky enough to live near friends from my school days so there is always someone who will get in touch or I will contact them and the feeling of loneliness passes. I must say although I do not post often I am avid follower of Gransnet and have been thankful of you all many times. I am glad it is Monday tomorrow and hopefully will make something of the week ahead and not dwell on things to much. After 49yrs together I very much feel my DH is still with me and I want it to stay that way. I often have the Rod Stewart song "You're in my heart" in my head (mainly the chorus!) and that keeps me going.

ladymuck Sun 24-Nov-19 21:46:44

I too, often go for days without speaking to anyone. I talk to myself instead!
However, I can see the benefits though. I don't usually watch tv much but today, Sunday, I have been glued to the Drama channel. There was one programme after another aimed at women. I made lunch early and left the washing up until I had time to do it. No need to pander to anyone else or explain myself.

quizqueen Sun 24-Nov-19 21:57:46

I aim to speak to someone and leave the house every day. I do my main supermarket shop on a Sunday, some good bargains to be had and people there to talk to. It's important that younger family members have family time at the weekend so I only contact them by email if I need to. I still work p/t though and see my adult children in the week lots and do pet and childcare for them and also go out and do hobbies. I am very rarely lonely. Get a dog to walk if you are lonely; you're never lonely with a pet.

Almaz65 Thu 05-Mar-20 18:35:38

I get lonely too as my partner left me for someone else so now I've recovered from that a bit, I'm looking for clubs and stuff to find new friends. I thank you guys for the tips mentioned, and thank goodness I have a dog!

Welshwife Thu 05-Mar-20 18:52:42

Look to see if there is a meet up group in your area - DD moved a couple of hundred miles away for a new job and knew no one - she started a meet-up group and now it has about 500 members. They are all ages and some are couples. It is amazing how many people are in the same position. This group have been very supportive of each other and she says now she cannot go anywhere without seeing someone she knows. They do all sorts of things - quiz night, cinema, walks, meals out, live music nights in various pubs etc.
Just google - meet up groups- and where you live. The groups are countrywide.

geekesse Thu 05-Mar-20 20:16:17

‘‘Tis such a pity that religion is so ill-thought of. One advantage of churchgoing is that it gives you a place to go, people to meet and stuff to do on a Sunday. I’ve known many older ladies who look forward to making coffee after the service, helping out with Sunday-school and assisting the frail before and after services. Perhaps it’s a question of whether you’d rather be morally superior and lonely, or whether to put your religious scruples on ice and enjoy the buzz of a weekly social event.

Greymar Thu 05-Mar-20 20:19:48

I used to love going to Church but didn't really believe. I loved the music and the fact that somebody actually noticed if I was missing. Is it wrong to go if you don't believe?

CherryCezzy Thu 05-Mar-20 22:29:00

beautybumble, are you still around on GN?
If so, it would be lovely for an update from you here. I hope there have been some alleviation of the loneliness you have been feeling. Maybe you have taken the very kind advice from the posters above, maybe you have found another way. Loneliness is natural and welcomed by some and very hard for others. I don't like the feeling of loneliness but I also don't mind my own company. Be kind to yourself.

geekesse Fri 06-Mar-20 07:46:17

Greymar, no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to church for the music, atmosphere, friendship or activities. If it’s a happy place for you to be, enjoy it. The church is a community of people, not a religion classroom.

rayhansen60 Thu 12-Mar-20 12:48:41

Hi I am looking for friends to chat with as I don't get out and feel quite lonely I have lived on my own for 13 years and hardly ever get a visitor so hopefully someone here will reply Ray

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 12-Mar-20 13:01:32

I spend a good deal of my time alone and mostly I don't mind it too much. Weekends seem lonelier for some reason although they don't really differ from the rest of the week - I think it's psychological. Perhaps it just seems worse because a great many couples and families are out and about and it's easy to compare oneself. I keep busy by 'pottering' and getting on with things which make me happy like sewing and reading etc. I'm quite happy to chat at bus stops.

3nanny6 Thu 12-Mar-20 13:02:01

Ray : Is there any specific reason you do not get out? It can feel isolating and lonely to stay at home all the time particularly when you live alone.
There are many clubs or luncheon meetups that are organised for older people and even if you cannot access public transport you can get picked up by one of the transports for older people. Much can be achieved if you check to see what is available in your area.
Good Luck.

rayhansen60 Sat 14-Mar-20 16:35:42

Dear 3nanny6 I don't get out much as I am afraid of the area I live in there's lots of shop lifting and the local pub is full of people dealing in drugs i keep away from these people

grannyornot Thu 19-Mar-20 21:56:05

Ray, that's sad, where do you live.

whoisthis Mon 15-Jun-20 21:22:57

would it not be a good idea all those who are looking for friends to connect with each other.I live in Surrey and wondered if there was anyone around the area looking for friends.

Sophie22 Tue 30-Jun-20 09:32:16

I feel the same lonely is there anyone from Bristol who would like to meet for a coffee and a chat.

Hetty58 Tue 30-Jun-20 09:38:13

I prefer to live alone nowadays and don't feel lonely. I speak to somebody every day, be they neighbours, family or friends. I just love the peace - and never having to compromise or put someone else's needs first.

I spent most of my life surrounded by a large family, always on duty, at work and at home. Now I can do what I want, when I want, or curl up with a book and do nothing much!