My husband left me and now the house is a tip

Lots of fantastic advice already given, so just thought I would add - share your achievements on here, no matter how small. As you have already seen, there are many Gransnetters who will cheer you along and your efforts will inspire others to de clutter too!

I have to be very brutal with myself as far as clutter goes. I downsized, living alone I really threw loads away. My problem is, I do have lots of storage space, but it is ram jam full! Maybe we close doors on things, out of sight, out of mind. I do have a mass clear out now and again, and feel much better for it.
You have some excellent advice in the above posts, just take baby steps.

I would suggest you tell your daughters that you are going to start selling the good but unwanted stuff. Facebook market place is ideal for this as you can do it with social distancing. Once you start you'd be amazed what you can sell. Also you can put things on for free. I would guess they would want to see what you were getting rid of first and would be willing to help you sort it.

I really feel for you. It is hard. My Father died in October and at the time was living in the house he and my Mum bought in 1962. A couple of years ago we discussed the possibility with him of our moving in to his house in the fullness of time. He loved the idea and my brothers also supported it as it would mean keeping the house in the family. Our house is in the process of being sold and we are trying to get my parents house sorted. Emptying /packing two houses at the same time is no mean feat. Made harder by emptying the family home of everything linked to my parents happy marriage and life together. It has felt overwhelming at times. We have been doing it one room at a time and sometimes one box at a time. Don’t beat yourself up about it, just say “today I will sort out one bag or box”. Do it, and the next day say the same. Before too long you will make real progress. Good luck ?

Thank you Unigran! I’ve just been inspired to spend 15 minutes clearing up after the plumber came TWO WEEKSago and I had to clear the airing cupboard for him to do something clever and get our hot water going.I j still had the stuff out all over the bathroom and still have but I’ve done a 15 minute throw out thanks to you. I had kept putting stuff on top and in front of other things and have found unreadable bottles apart from use by 2006. I haven’t had trauma but a busy life and I’ll find time someday attitude so be brave and it did help that I had a bright pink box to put the throw out stuff in. It looked cheerful.

Is there anyone who would do it for you while you’re out? My DD and I did that for my DS. Took us two days while he was at work. He would never have done it alone. It was too overwhelming for him. 26 loads of washing and 30 bin bags to the tip. He’s a new man ?. Still untidy of course but it’s manageable now. Good luck. You’ve admitted the problem which is a massive step.

At 9am take a big mug of coffee and the radio into one room together with three large boxes labelled 'Sell', 'Give' and 'Bin'. At 11am have another coffee then go for a walk. Go into the same room and do the same thing every week day until it's clear. Then if you can afford it buy a top of the range take away dinner to celebrate. Then begin on another room.

I think you should be rally proud of what you have achieved. I think one step at a time for getting round to re decorating , wish you lots of luck , maybe you’re family could give you some help

Unigran4 - your story is not that unusual. As a psychotherapist I can vouch for the fact that lots of people hoard to different degrees in response to a loss of some kind - it doesn't have to be a death but could be a divorce, the loss of a job, etc., It's very easy to give advice and expect the person to be able to pack stuff in boxes and get to charity shops, or to get a skip and clear it all out but without proper psychological resolution of why this stuff has been taking over your house for almost half a century you are unlikely to succeed. So my advice to you is to see a counsellor, even if only for a few sessions, get to the root of your emotions and then you will be in the right frame of mind to tackle this mountain. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Your local council will have social workers who can give advice and put you in touch with potential recipients of what you get rid of. But I would say that in recognising there is a problem, you are already on the way ... good luck

This could be handy as so many charity shops are currently shut. www.firefighterscharity.org.uk/get-involved/recycle-your-clothing

The state of your house or your mind is yours to own. It is not the responsibility but your won. It is not because your husband left you, and it is not his fault.
Given the numbers can I assume that you are at least late 60s? You need to unclutter your life so that you have a chance to enjoy the rest of your puff. My advice it to be rid of the lot of it. Give your self a fresh start to you can enjoy your house. Maybe you would do better to downscale and get yourself a bit of spending money?
Covid will be coming to an end. So be prepared for your new life. Pay someone to clear it all out.

I feel for you.. I have a husband who never throws anything away.. Thanks to your post I have now looked at the price of skip hire and it is about £260 for a container that will take around 60 bin bags. For me this would be a great start and incentive to start clearing out house...
Maybe you could start with putting your daughter's stuff in boxes, putting stuff of yours you think your daughter may like to keep in boxes and asking her round to go through it and chuck out anything not wanted.. That way you have made a start and involved her too. It is very hard I know!

No. Rubbish doesn't go to the charity shops only stuff that can be resold goes there. Rubbish goes in the bin.

Take it room by room, get rid of the past. This is your time, but you won't move on living in a mess.
I wish you all the best, now get on with it!

Have a look at the Declutter Hub - www.declutterhub.com Lesley and Ingrid offer helpful and friendly advice and you can join their support group

Hello,
Where are you ? , I'd love to help. My advice is to create four departments, dump, keep, charity, girls.
Try clothing banks, put in postcode and and it tells you where they are sited. I found mine through the salvation army.
Also red cross are still taking stuff.
Good luck,

At one time I worked as a Professional Organiser (and helped people to declutter) and as * M0nica* said you need professional support to get through this. If you could have picked up a few boxes and started to clear the stuff you would have done it by now, something is holding you back.

I found the most successful outcomes were those where people were able to unburden themselves of their inner clutter alongside some practical decluttering help.

This can be sorted, you will get there but you need to ask for help first. "Tidy house, tidy mind" or is it the other way round sometimes?

Wishing all the best, you are brave to acknowledge the difficulty you are having, you have already taken the first and most important step -acceptance

If house is so full with rubbish, the quickest way to dispose of rubbish is to hire a skip which though is costly it just means you’re saving time not having to queue up at the local recycling centre.
Try to sort into keep, sell or donate and throw piles if you are not getting a skip. Do it as quickly as possible and just let go, life is so much easier if you’re clutter free. Just thing of all the extra space you’ll have and think of this exercise as a new chapter in your life.

There are some brilliant videos on YouTube. Clutter bug, Minimal Mom and A slob comes clean. They are all American/Canadian ladies, (I live in UK), but they give such good advice. They have massive houses compared to us here, but the bigger the house, the more we fill it. Take a look at them. I can thoroughly recommend.

Have an early Spring clean and a good clear out. My ex husband was a hoarder, boxes of car mags, tickets, etc he kept and it drove me bonkers. I wasn't allowed to dust his study cos I disturbed things. I now have a minimalist house, everything has its place and kept tidy. I've loads of little baskets and colourful boxes in cupboards for storage so I know where everything is. It actually makes me feel better knowing it's all tidy and sorted. Go and buy some of those large plastic boxes and bin bags, start in one room for a couple of hours a day with the radio on and have a go. Bet you will feel a lot happier getting rid of some of the stuff from the past and making room for a nice bright future.

Oh unigran - you’ve got to get your act together. Don’t worry about the mess in your hour - just out the clutter in your mind. You are probably still fretting for your exhusband ....You’ve done well with your children and should be proud of that.
When my husband left me I sat in my dressing gown for almost a week. Then, with help from children and friends, I got my act together, to sort the property, financial settlement etc. And I am content now. My house does get messy but now, with lockdown no one can see it ? good luck and best wishes unigran

Good luck- you will get there!! Lots of good advice from everyone. When I moved house ages ago, I forced myself to have a declutter . Everything goes into one of 3 piles - keep; charity or chuck out. Simples!!
Little and often seemed to work for me (like one black bag a day at the most). If you think you've got to do a whole room in a few days it will never happen! Be realistic. you'll get there. You are not alone......................

Congratulations on raising your two happy children. I do not see what your husband leaving over 40 years ago has got to do with the state of your home now? It’s YOUR home, YOUR mess and if you are happy with it, why fret? If you are not happy with it, only you can do something about it!

You've already taken the first step by admitting there is a problem so, well done. It strikes me by what you are saying is that you are more overwhelmed than suffering with a major psychiatric problem. You sound like you want to get rid of the stuff but feel stymied by the amount of it coupled with lockdown restrictions.
We have far too much stuff at ours. With 6 children leaving home over the years and people dying, we have been left with loads of stuff which either have memories attached, come in useful when everybody visits or is too good to chuck and we haven't got round to putting it up for sale. We want to downsize so we have to do something but it does feel overwhelming. We also have a mountain of DIY stuff as we seem to have been working on our house forever. Sometimes, I feel like we just move stuff from place to place so that all the rooms in our house look untidy!
One of the things I do, is sort out a bag of rubbish and a bag of something for the Charity Shop. I figure, as I don't Charity Shops my decent stuff, I am doing my bit. If there is anything that is special or I no longer need but has a memory attached, I take a photo. Nowadays with Digital cameras or phones, it doesn't take up much money or house room. Really good stuff I put up for sale on Facebook Marketplace. If it doesn't sell there, after a period of time, I give it away.
It is going to take me forever because I work very slowly but at least it is gradually getting there. I think as I get closer to being finished, have found that getting rid of stuff doesn't hurt quite so much and can see light at the end of the tunnel, I will get quicker at it!

Definitely ask your daughters to help! Just say you're struggling and then tackle one room at a time. I'm still going through my parents' stuff (they were hoarders) over six years after their deaths and it's exhausting and depressing but I feel much better when I've got rid of it. It feels as though I'm reclaiming my life at last.