Having a massive loss of confidence....

I dived into doing the family history and although at that time it meant going to a family history centre and trawling through films and microfiches (no internet records then) I did have the time and inclination to actually visit some of the locations. I wish I had had the cash available to do more of that, but I "retired" before I got a pension and now I have the cash but I don't have the get up and go, unfortunately.

I got to know so many family members who had been just names, or totally unknown to me and became friends with fellow researchers from more distant branches.

I also will sell an ice cream or work as a hotel maid....nothing of that kind would bother me

In my 60 I dream to live in a place like Ilfracombe, so I walk up and down the hills, explore the coves, drink coffee and have my adult child near me in a nice coastal town uni like St Ives or something , obviously my husband also but he will be working a lot because he is the bread winner, I am the savings maker

I joined groups and volunteer but I do get disillusioned. They are not all they are cracked up to be. Internal politics and cliquey.

TBH I get most enjoyment from solitary pursuits, walking the dog, my piano, cycling, reading and gardening.

My husband has various chronic health conditions but OK generally which I am thankful for each day that passes.

i welcomed retirement. And I am the most gloomy and pessimistic person you could meet. I did miss saying, when asked "what do you do" and replying, 'well I am the Head of ...it took me a year to settle in to my new retired role. And now 20 years on, I am still here, still gloomy. But now working to someone else's rhythm is long forgotten.
Your mood will pass. You will eventually understand yourself better, and reach a state where you don't give a shite what others think of you. And providing you have adequate funds, you have the freedom to choose to lie in bed and wile away your life, or not.
I have been to Buckingham Palace, as I took up a 'cause' The food was good. But the state of the lawn was a surprise. People say all sorts of IRRITATING stuff to me ( such as you are as young as you feel) etc It's in response to my age, And I often think "F" off.
I only wish I had said it a bit more when I was 60, your age ,

I solved my ‘lack of’ by doing voluntary work and have never looked back I need a purpose to get up, I need a routine, and need to be needed I suppose.

Our retirement hasn’t worked out as I thought. Started wonderfully with a World Cruise but then Dh had a TIA and recently another stroke. He’s slowly recovering but has lost all his motivation and doesnt find joy in anything.

I have had to live my own life (as well as being a carer for him).

I have lots of friends and hobbies that I space out during the week or month, but try not to leave him alone for too long.

Just find somethings you enjoy .

orly

keepingquiet

Yes, my confidence and positivity is zero just now...not the retirement I had imagined. I feel I've been short-changed!

...does the timing coincide with the election of Starmer's Labour government?

I don’t know whether to 😂 or 😥 at that ludicrous statement.

Thank you all for your lovely messages and advice...I've had a word with myself. I have a lot to be grateful for. I live in a wonderful area, with fields and countryside on my doorstep. A beautiful garden which as we all know needs lots of work to keep beautiful. I've joined back at my spa/gym that has a wondeful pool, so I can go swimming again when I fancy it. I'm making arrangements with friends, and do my dog walking etc. I was just feeling lost and sad...too much negative news has lowered my mood..so will avoid. Don't mention our govt. what a mess! I've had a difficult experience with a family member recently and some illness in the family which is obviously a worry, so it all just built up. I think having something to hang your hat on and structure is very important. I've put my big girl pants on and will move forward. Love both books mentioned Susan Jeffries? I've read and have a copy, good book and Mel Robbins 'Let Them' is definitely a very good support for difficult relationships and tension when you see things differently from others. Have great days, and TY all Happy July to all!

kittylester

My mum said you should have something to hang your week on. Might that help?

Oh I love that and must try to follow the advice.

there really is evidence that if you are feeling low, doing even a small act of kindness for others, or the environment, does help you feel happier. I hope you can find a way to reach outwards - maybe even just a walk somewhere green - and that you will feel happier. Reaching out and noticing sad 'self talk' and remembering that it is 'just thoughts, not the truth' all help.

orly

keepingquiet

Yes, my confidence and positivity is zero just now...not the retirement I had imagined. I feel I've been short-changed!

...does the timing coincide with the election of Starmer's Labour government?

It cerainly does not- though I confess to wondering how Starmer is going to pull it back.

I was just at a low ebb the other day but today has been a good one and I know I have so much to be grateful for...

ExaltedWombat

Have you run out of things to do, and not yet embraced the joys of Positive Idleness? You could come and do my housework...

Or mine.

keepingquiet

Yes, my confidence and positivity is zero just now...not the retirement I had imagined. I feel I've been short-changed!

...does the timing coincide with the election of Starmer's Labour government?

Yes, yes, yes.

I'm loving mine two years in. I have holidays to places like the Dales, Peaks, Scotland etc about 3 times a year. I go self catering usually a cottage, research places to go near where we are staying, get lots of walks and exercise. It's good planning and trying to find places to stay, journeys and routes etc.Its something to look forward to. I love walking in the countryside locally, all the wildlife and changing seasons etc. Some days like in this flipping heatwave stay in and read or watch the garden in front a fan! We went to the coast yesterday where it was a lot cooler. I think it does help to have things to mark time so I try to stick to a day for shopping and another day for family at weekends. Don't think you have to be doing over exciting, stimulating things all the time and feel downhearted when you don't. Simple pleasures that you enjoy and didn't have time for before are best.

Low mood is not easy. I wonder what triggered this after you had such a good time. Do you remember the thought process that stopped your enjoyment or was there something that happened?

As others have said ,you could join a group. I know it's always put out there as a 'fix all' but actually it does help as you feel connected to others. A mediation group is good... and it helps focus on what is good in life.

When I'm feeling a bit low I don't allow my mind to take me to difficult ( catastrophic) places but come out of there as swift as I can and find something positive to focus on... the beauty all around me, gardens, birds, art, poetry , gratitude for family etc. It takes discipline to keep your mind in good shape... just as it does for the physical body.
I once heard someone say what you think is what you live.... so true.

60 is still young and there is a lot of life still to live so I hope you can find things that nourish your spirit and alter your low mood. I'm 75 and notice that at this age my body doesn't do everything I would like it to. It did at 60. I have a sore hip just now and can't walk very far.. I could do better a few months ago and do miss my lovely walks. Don't get to my age and regret that you didn't do all that you could with youth still on your side.

If the low mood and lack of confidence persists I would try therapy .. it can work magic!

Maybe right a bucket list of things you’d like to do, places you’d like to visit counties you’d like see, movies etc.
I’ve got more confident as I’ve got older with a don’t give a F##k attitude. If you do a list and start ticking small things of off it, it may help you gain confidence. 🌺

Positive idleness! Nice expression. I am 85 and don’t feel I’ve lost confidence at all. I have everything I want - good family, grandchildren (I don’t take them for granted), a pleasant retirement flat to live in, books, the internet. I am not very mobile, but since my life has always been in my head inactivity doesn’t bother me. I did everything I wanted to do when I was younger and stronger.

Have you run out of things to do, and not yet embraced the joys of Positive Idleness? You could come and do my housework...

I don't think it's helpful to keep dwelling on what has been missed/lost.

The only way forward (for me) is to find something that I want to have a go at - doesn't matter how small it is, how long it lasts, or anything else. Plan how to do that thing and go and do it.

A yoga teacher said recently - stop thinking about whether you can do it and just do it. You might not get it perfect or you may get it wrong but you'll have made a step in the right direction.

My mum said you should have something to hang your week on. Might that help?

Since lockdowns took most of my way of life away from me I have very little confidence! Had a Voluntary job that had to stop during lockdowns. Due to inactivity I now have Rheumatoid Arthritis to add to the Osteo Arthritis I have had for most of my 80 years! Now no confidence that I can do anything new though I would like to. So sit reading & listening to music with the odd walk round the block. How do we regain confidence lost like this? Wish I knew!

Since I retired I have always had a project of some kind, which has helped a lot. U3A has helped, walking, being out there among trees and grass, asking friends to drop in for a cup of tea and a chat, doing small things for other people.......I hope you find something you will find challenging perhaps and also worthwhile. You are still able to connect and make a contribution beyond your self - we do not have to be in paid employment to be part of a wider world. I am sorry you have been feeling down and lowered confidence - there is a paperback book you might want to get "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers - it is really helpful. I wish you well.

I’m 68, retired couple of years ago and really miss the structure of work and feeling needed. I try to keep busy, found an older ‘Keep fit class I go to twice a week, volunteer at a cat sanctuary one morning a week and look after my granchildren twice a week, but feel lazy if I just sit and watch tv or read a book in the times I’m not doing something. My partner does not retire for a couple of years. Should I feel so guilty? Should I be doing more?