University reunion

I wouldn't go. You don't sound as though you want to go or would feel comfortable going, so why bother / why put yourself through the stress of it all. You've achieved a lot, all through your own merits. Be happy with that and proud of that. However, I'm very anti social and I would rather stab my own eyes out rather than go to something like that !

I used to organise uni reunions in Australia for those who went to the same uni as me in the UK. For a few years we all met up annually but after a while we stopped. I have to say we didn’t have a great deal in common but this covered all subjects, not just one faculty. One of the members was busy engineering and manufacturing firearms, a bit ‘different’ to say the least. Probably got very rich, I suppose.

I cannot tell you what to do, but have admiration for what you achieved. A long marriage and wonderful children is a success in itself. To add a stressful and successful career (what makes a consultant any better than a GP, I dispute) on top and still working (thank you on behalf of your local patients) ...

and yes like many a gran, I am perhaps more in awe of the fact that you have kept a trim figure.
I would go and show off, you have earned you bragging rights. (Buy a slinky dress and say "this old thing? I have have this since college")

And it is not too late to make new friends either.

From what you have said I am unsure why you would want to go. Are you seeking some sort of validation or acceptance from them and if so why? You said yourself you have had a happy and fulfilling life. Why risk unsettling yourself? After all these years these people don’t really mean anything to you now. You have already proved your worth to the people who matter to you the most.

Im no longer in contact with any of the people I went to uni with. As a mature student I was incredibly driven and out for a 1st from day one. I had missed out when I was younger and was determined to make the most of the opportunity.

I "cozied up" with the lecturers because we were nearer in age. And yes, coming from a management background I did have tremendous self confidence. I got myself onto a batch of committees whch meant my face became known in the department. It also gave me an insight into the departmental dynamics of the different power bases. So I was quite political in that respect. I also turned up at events which were supposed to be only for postgraduates and often went drinking with the lecturers,

Apart from the odd coffee at the end of a lecture I did not socialize much with the younger students. Young people in their late teens do not want to socialize with someone in their 40s. It would be like socializing with your parents.

A view from the opposite side...

My DH has regular high school reunions; there are quite a few that have kept in touch over the years and can be seen as a tight crowd of friends. The last reunion was year 45, and there was one fellow that nobody recognized. He hung off a bit to himself at first, but before you know it, the others had found out that he had moved away just after school to another province and had never really kept in touch with anyone.

Lots of laughs and hugs commenced as people remembered him from a history class, a basketball tryout, or growing up in the same neighbourhood. After the first hour, he had fit right back in like it was yesterday and acquaintances remade.

So I think take a chance and go. Yes, it might be a bit uncomfortable at first, but after all these years, the egos are flattened and you will find classmates interested in you for yourself and your life right now. It's a chance to mingle with others of similar interests.

We had a school reunion a few years back and I went and to be honest I didn’t really relate to anyone there any more it was ok but I wouldn’t bother with another one
If my memories were so poor I wouldn’t go unless you feel very confident to walk in the room and put your finger up (metaphorically of course)

Go,with our love and support. I avoided my grammar school
reunions for years,then I decided to go to one.Ibwent with my head held high , everyone was really nice and friendly.It was interesting to see the ones who had been so popular looking
not so top drawer! All in all I was pleased that I had been and put demons to rest.

I understand. Im similar and I would go. You don't have to stay if it’s terrible,
but I'm certain someone will remember and want to talk to you. If it’s not fun leave, get a taxi home and know that it says more (bad) about them than about you, if they are not interested in you . Their loss, you still have the lovely life you have created to return to.

I would think of something you really enjoy, so going sailing for the day, or out in the country and a lovely lunch you would enjoy. Whatever is your cup of tea. Then just think if someone offered you the option what would you do? Either you do the other thing and ignore the reunion and only think how much you are enjoying what you are doing, instead. Or you go to the reunion, knowing that you have chosen to go. It is only one day and you may meet someone who as others have said, would tell you how much they admired you and wished they had had more time with you, or you look at someone who was not very pleasant to you and note how much younger and lively you are compared to them. Take what pleasure you can and then go off home , glad to be you, and remember how you felt and then dont agree to go to any more.

It’s meant to be an enjoyable experience not an ordeal. If you don’t feel comfortable then don’t go.

How sad that you feel this way.

You do sound as though you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.

It surprising sometimes that you think people perceive you in a certain way and you’re often very wrong.

Someone from my past recently told me how much I had influenced them and how bereft she felt when we moved, I always felt she didn’t like me very much!

Would you regret it if you dud not go? Would you keep wondering about it.

I envy you your four children, your profession, your career and your good health. So many wonderful things that I would love to have myself. I am sorry you had a tough time at University. Young people can be cruel and competitive because they are insecure. I bet others you thought were having a great time were also suffering in ways that you didn't realize. We mature and life deals us all blows that hopefully make us wiser. It could be an interesting experience. You might find you can lay to rest some of your bad memories. If I was in your position and I did go, I would try to do so with kind and friendly intentions, not looking to prove anything to myself or others about their worth it my own. Good luck..

Personally I wouldn't go simply because it would cause me so much anguish beforehand and then afterwards I would be ashamed of myself for being cowardly and not going. Only you know how much upset it will cause you whichever course you decide upon. Good luck.

Sorry there not their.

You have had a very productive life and I should imagine a number of those going will not have had such a good family life and can still say they could get into their old wedding dress. Have a dash of Dutch courage (if that's your thing), glam up to the 9s and show the rest of them what you've made of yourself. If you don't think they will recognise you they will definitely talk about you and wonder 'who's that stunner over their', when they ask say I was the shy council estate kid who nobody noticed. Good Luck you'll ace it.

I wonder why you would wish to go if you have no happy memories of medical school and have not maintained any contacts from your student days. I came from a similar background to you, had a wonderful time at university and have maintained some close friendships from those days, even though I live overseas. We celebrated our 50 year graduation anniversary back at our university a couple of years ago and it was full of tenderness for our young selves and delight in meeting old colleagues...some had even improved over time!
For you it is different. You will have your own reasons for thinking of going to your reunion. If you do decide to go I think it would be practical to go with your old friend if you can get in touch with her again. Much less intimidating than going alone or with husband. In the end just do what makes you happy - Go to the ball Cinderella...or stay home with the cat. Good luck either way.

Think back to what made you decide to book to go.
What motivated you?
Have you paid for the event or accommodation?
How important are those answers now?

Don’t go if you really don’t want to, but if you do, you have a lot to be proud of.

Don't go.

I too would contact the old flatmate and then decide. Personally I would go but I like little adventures, like this. You have had a successful life both personally and professionally, a lot of people there will not been as fortunate and would have wished to have the lovely family you have. Coincidentally, I'm to-day meeting up with a "girl" I went to school with and last saw in 1968! We have both moved from our home town years ago and live in different parts of the country. However this week we are only 30 miles away from each other so meeting up. We weren't close friends at school but thanks to the old Friends Reunited site and Facebook have been in contact for years. we have very similar senses of humour and totally different life experiences. Looking forward to lots of chatting, laughing and reminiscing (and cocktails!). (Hoping you give the Reunion a go and let us know how it went)

I wouldn’t go. No point stressing yourself.

I'd go. You might enjoy it.
You're a doctor. If they start irritating you, imagine them with their clothes off!

Go? For curiosity sake?

I have been to 3 school reunions.
Each time, there was a different group of people there! Which was a bit odd.
The 3rd time was more the people I remembered. Some different to what they were, some the same.
Enjoyed the evening but wouldnt want to repeat very often.

Funnily enough, I am just travelling back home from a school reunion. 50 years since we all left sixth form and went off to jobs, uni or college. We’ve had two other reunions and a few of us keep in touch via a WhatsApp group. There were only 15 of us in the end and how lovely it was to be able to move around and really catch up properly with the others. I always felt like I wasn’t one of the “in crowd” at school, but I don’t feel that now. I’m 68 and have a self-confidence I didn’t have then. My advice is to dress in something you know makes you feel comfortable and look nice and go and enjoy yourself. If you find you’re not enjoying it, just leave early. Perhaps it’s time to lay a few ghosts to rest?