Trying to arrange events when only one member of friendship circle still works

Do some things with her and some without her. Perhaps the occasional Saturday outing if she does not work on a Saturday. The woman who runs our WI refuses to arrange and afternoon meeting and insists we have it in the evening as they have had for 60 years. There are now only two ladies who work. If she had afternoon meetings the elderly members would not be falling away.

Just make sure you arrange some things for her days off that are also free. An evening walk maybe? Or a Sunday picnic.

And don’t spend those occasions talking about the other things you have all done! Maybe that’s what’s making her feel left out?

Basically, you just carry on with your plans. Why would you all put your lives on hold to facilitate one person? OK, so they’re still having to work due to financial issues but it is small minded and unreasonable of them to expect the rest of you to sit home twiddling your thumbs until they have a day off!

I imagine your friend is a bit resentful knowing she can’t join in. Woking when ‘you have to’ rather than choice must be a hard stone to swallow.

I think communication is key. You’ll need to lay your cards on the table. It’s not your faults that as a group you are all able to do things together. I think with tact and empathy you could navigate this by asking your working friend how she would be most comfortable. Would she like to be continually asked or rather not know? Would she prefer to set out her non working timetable so you all know where you’d be up to? Could she tell you what activities are her favourites then you could all try to incorporate them into your plans.

A difficult conversation admittedly but better to grasp the nettle I think and deal with it rather than upsets all round more often than needed.

Try to incorporate activities she can afford in her free time, activities when she is working to suit the rest of the group.
It depends how much you value her friendship; have to say this will probably destroy her membership of the 'friendship' group.

I can tell you, it hurts.

A tricky one. Your friend is obviously struggling financially and having to work 2 jobs in later life. As eazybee has said it must hurt and could affect her continuing as a member of the group.
But that isn’t the fault of the group and so would advise carrying on as before but try to arrange outings for weekends or when your friend is available that don’t cost much or are free.
There really isn’t a good way to square this circle.

Thanks all for the helpful comments

Would it help if you asked her to arrange a day out/trip etc that she would enjoy. Then you all go, do it and noone says anything negative before, after, during.

I know of a similar situation in real life.
I see both sides.

I think perhaps you need to have a chat and ask her directly what would work for her, in her current circumstances, what would she like to see happen? As her work situation isn’t by choice, she might be feeling powerless and overlooked in life generally. Being asked what she wants may make her feel that she has regained a little bit of control.

She may then be happy with an occasional meeting she can attend whilst also acknowledging that the rest of you have your own lives to lead. Good luck!

Whatever you do there will be ‘winners and losers’. It’s tough but it’s highly likely this particular friendship will probably end over this. A group thing cannot be dictated by single individual regardless of circumstances, there has to be give and take - which you’ve tried. She either accepts this and deals with it, or life moves on without her in the group.

FriedGreenTomatoes suggestion of communication, dealing with it and putting your cards on the table is a good one. It's sharing all your feelings and asking her to offer up what would suit her, bearing in mind her restrictions. And her hopefully understanding that the rest of you will still want to do things even if she isn't available.

Can those of you who are closest to her see her away ftom the main group when she is available - maybe on a more casual basis?

One of my "girls" earns very little compared to the others and I know they quite often meet her places for say, a picnic and buy a coffee or ice cream and say "my treat" - and she is able to do the same now and then.

It is too expensive to join in theatre trips etc on a regular basis

Could you arrange the 'expensive' outings for times she won't be coming with you, and the equally enjoyable budget excursions for during her timings?
And as someone said upthread, don't enthuse too much about the ones she has missed?

Lots of good advice here. I hope all improves for you x