Gransnet forums

Gransnet cafe

Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.

Formal letters using my first name

(55 Posts)
Pleasebenice Fri 21-Aug-26 07:37:49

Am I alone in finding it annoying to be address by my first name even in formal letters? I must be getting old!

knspol Fri 21-Aug-26 13:50:10

I have noticed a couple of times when speaking to an institution like a bank they have asked if they may call me by my first name and I always say yes. Doesn't really bother me one way or another. On a recent hospital visit I was asked the same thing.

Seapebble Fri 21-Aug-26 14:04:23

For me it depends on the context- mostly I don't mind the use of first names. I'm not keen on the use of "Christian Name" to describe a given name. Millions of people in the UK have no christian name. Agnostics, Atheists, Sikhs, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Jedi Knights. It's not a big deal but it's old fashioned and thankfully dying out

Eddieslass Fri 21-Aug-26 14:04:39

This letter to my son at his business address certainly caused amusement!

Valels Fri 21-Aug-26 15:30:05

My 93 year old mum keeps getting letters from EON, they all start "Hi Evelyn" - she gets extremely annoyed and says she expects some respect from these companies. I agree with her.

Alison333 Fri 21-Aug-26 15:40:48

Valels

My 93 year old mum keeps getting letters from EON, they all start "Hi Evelyn" - she gets extremely annoyed and says she expects some respect from these companies. I agree with her.

Yes, the 'Hi' is perhaps going a little too far!

mokryna Fri 21-Aug-26 15:51:55

I live in France and they always use Monsieur or Madame, in business. I am uneasy when in the UK unknown people use my Christian name, they don’t ask. I have had a couple of emails, from UK legal firms today, I don’t know them from Adam but their letters start with, Dear Mokryna.

JudyBloom Fri 21-Aug-26 16:25:02

I like to keep my name formal, being addressed as Mrs for business. There has to be a distance kept from being too friendly if any problems arose, it is also a matter of respect.

Doodledog Fri 21-Aug-26 16:34:11

JudyBloom

I like to keep my name formal, being addressed as Mrs for business. There has to be a distance kept from being too friendly if any problems arose, it is also a matter of respect.

That was my point upthread. It's all very well being pally when everything's going smoothly, but if things go wrong a professional distance is useful. I suspect that's why it happens though.

Grandmama Fri 21-Aug-26 17:15:22

How things change! I remember the emphasis on formality when I did my secretarial course in the late 1970s. Always put a title on the envelope etc etc. I've got used to being called by my first name face to face and in letters. Recently I've been getting quotes for some building work and many of the builders are very young and all but one called me by my first name face to face and in email quotes. One asked how to address me.

WithNobsOnIt Fri 21-Aug-26 17:46:53

Greenfinch

Just lost my message yet again. I think I am going to stop sending any posts as as often as not they just flash off and are gone forever.

I've had this problem as well. Even when writing this to you. think it could be something to with flashing adverts and poorly written and designed software.

If you are going to write more than a few lines. Copy it and store it a draft email.

Then delete it after it has been posted.

Hope this helps.
🤞

Cabbie21 Fri 21-Aug-26 18:04:20

I was pleased when my carpet fitters called me Mrs ‘Smith’ rather than the ‘ Hi Cabbie’ I got in an official letter this week, but if I am asked, I am happy to be called by my Christian name.

Chestnut Fri 21-Aug-26 18:05:15

I'm more annoyed when people use my abbreviated first name because I don't like it and I always use my full name. They don't ask either. So it would be Ches instead of Chestnut. 🙁

I'm really not keen on abbreviations of any kind!

Aura399 Fri 21-Aug-26 18:17:05

Oldfrill, completely agree. Whythe Miss Ms Mrs thing ? - .men don’t !

25Avalon Fri 21-Aug-26 18:48:49

I agree especially when you don’t know the person. It happens on phone calls as well. I also dislike it when my first name is shortened by someone I don’t know.

Treebee Fri 21-Aug-26 19:09:49

I don’t mind being addressed by my first name as long as it’s not abbreviated in a way I don’t use.

Cath9 Fri 21-Aug-26 19:53:45

I don’t like my first name Patricia as the staff in my father’s hotel used to call me, Pattie or Patsey etc which I hated. Even though my mother came from Eire it was my father who chose the name

valdali Fri 21-Aug-26 20:55:29

I much prefer to be adressed by my first name.

midgey Fri 21-Aug-26 21:00:24

I always worry when people use my full name, it always means trouble of some sort!

David49 Fri 21-Aug-26 21:33:15

When a salesman addresses me as David the barriers go up others can call me whatever they like as long as it's not late for lunch

Deedaa Fri 21-Aug-26 21:44:21

Formal letters - bills, receipts, appointment confirmations, letters from DWP or HMRC all seem to use my surname. The thing that did annoy me was when texts from my GP surgery started addressing me as MS. I complained because it felt as if my late husband was being airbrushed out of my life. They went back to calling me MRS.

Iam64 Sat 22-Aug-26 08:56:42

I’ve been a Ms since the late seventies. I kept my family last name when I married mr i in 1982. He died almost four years ago, not sharing a last name didn’t stop a very happy life together.

AGAA4 Sat 22-Aug-26 09:32:41

I was annoyed when my SiL addressed a letter to me as Mrs James A.....
Not only lost my family name but took my first name too. She claimed to be a feminist.

MT62 Sat 22-Aug-26 09:46:07

No not in the slightest. It’s my name after all. Much prefer my first name called out at the hospital, as they never pronounce my surname correctly.

Chestnut Sat 22-Aug-26 10:39:52

AGAA4

I was annoyed when my SiL addressed a letter to me as Mrs James A.....
Not only lost my family name but took my first name too. She claimed to be a feminist.

A friend I knew since aged 11 addressed a letter to me under my husband's first and last name when we were in our 30s. I was astounded and admit to finding that rather annoying. 😒

MickyD Sat 22-Aug-26 12:18:41

It bothers me when a formal letter just uses my Christian name. I’m not friends with them so they shouldn’t assume they have the right to be over familiar with me. I feel it’s crossing a boundary without my permission.