Care Homes - Who should pay?

I think I put my case rather too strongly Petallus as I was specifically referring to offspring who take it as read that the state will foot the bill for their parents care but they will naturally inherit the family home, worth hundreds of thousands.

There is a world of difference between you choosing to help your daughter out and those who sit back and expect a windfall. Your daughter is not expecting handouts, you said this yourself. My children do not expect hand outs either but I too help out when I can by buying shoes etc as Easter presents.

I do hope I've made the difference clearer as I'd hate to upset you over a misunderstanding.

This is always a difficult topic as people's personal circumstances and philosophies can be so different. We never know exactly what is round the corner for us - "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley." We tried to live with the idea that our DC's education came first. Then, whatever the future held, they would have some skills to help themselves. Hopefully, that is working and they know not to expect big legacies. Equally, they also know that we expect nothing from them. (but will be grateful in due course for anything they choose to do for us, should the need arise.)

Can't money be put in trust for grand-children, well in advance? Or money given to children, again, well in advance? It used to be 7 years that have to be survived, what is it now legally?

I know many people sitting on millions in property and assets- should the State really pay for their care (with taxes paid by people who are much much less well off- and money taken from social, education and NHS budgets, etc). There must be some kind of wealth assessment and limit, surely. I agree though that everyone should be able to keep some money to give to their children at their death- and of course special cases of children living in the house should have special dispensation in certain cases (as with mental or other handicap, etc, on a case by case decision).

We all had a little left when my mil died- not much, but enough to remember her by, and same for my parents- but most of it went into their care- and I think that was fair- and they were all very well looked after, both in the UK and here where I live.

Thank you Aka.

It's not that I don't see both sides of the problem of who pays for care home fees.

I was discussing the issue with DH this morning. Most people we know of our age are investigating ways of avoiding inheritance tax on their estates so that their children/extended family will keep as much of their assets as possible. They don't want 40 percent going to the state.

Also, I might have scrimped, saved, worked hard etc. in order to be able to leave money to my family. Someone else might have preferred to spend their income on holidays and high living.

If they ended up with very little and I had a fair amount of capital, I would end up paying for my care home fees and they would not. Would that be fair?

Oh I know, a bit of a simplistic argument and not something that can really be resolved.

I quite like the idea of a cap on how much people have to pay. Wasn't £75,000 suggested once?

40% of anything over 325.000, is it not?

Yes, my parents scrimped and saved, and often did not do things they wanted to do, or made improvements to their home that could have made life more comfortable- so they could leave us money. It used to drive me mad-and I used to try and persuade them to spend the money on themselves- and to give some to the children...but to no avail. And so the money went to pay for their care...

I know people who are making their old age a misery worrying and trying to avoid this 40% tax- to the extent they do not have time to enjoy the time that have left (and sitting on millions in property and assets...) and then complain about the state of the NHS and roads (not education as they all send kids to public school). Where do we think money for the welfare state, the NHS, education, roads, the environment and sea defenses, etc, etc, etc, etc- comes from? Thin air.

The £75k is a bit complicated and only covers the basic 'care' element on top of that you still have to pay for your keep I believe so it will cost a fair bit more than that.

I think 2 people have mentioned that it is tough on those who have been careful with their money v those who have been profligate but I don't see any way to avoid that. The original idea of us all paying a basic amount into an insurance fund seems to have died a death but I think that would be much fairer and then those who needed it would be covered and those who didn't could count themselves lucky. Another suggestion might be some sort of tax on pensions ring fenced for this purpose but whatever scheme were to be adopted I think there would still be a lot of extras to pay depending upon the sort of care one chose.

I think part of the original post was asking for how society overall should approach the problem. Our individual stories add to the discussion - but what is right for ALL of us?

We have all paid in to a National Health Service which I personally (like house insurance) hope I never have to personally draw on - and I'm going to do everything possible not to.

If my fellow citizens draw on the national resource I'm not going to be judgemental of how or why they found themselves in an unforeseen position of having to do that.

If I get to the end of this life and have managed to stay out of hospitals and care homes at that time and find a dignified way to go at home I'll be happy. In that circumstance I may well have earned the right for my family to leave them, say, half of what I own and the other half can go into that 'insurance' pot for the needs of everyone else.

There are many reasons why a younger generation cannot take care of ageing relatives – lack of space, distance, other family commitments, for example. Mr absent and I cared for my mother (in our house) and his sisters looked after theirs (in sheltered housing) for the final years of their lives but there were times when it was incredibly hard. I once said that my life seemed to be symbolized by emptying the commode, rather than measured out in coffee spoons. I worked hard to avoid embarrassment or any sense of indignity for my poor old ma when I washed and dressed her, wiped her bottom and so on. I don't think I want absentdaughter to have to do the same for me.