my daughter is 34 weeks pregnant with 3 year old son-in-law diagnosed with aggressive cancer … how to support

My heart goes out to you and your family on the devastating loss you have suffered. It is hard to imagine a worse tragedy. I am so sorry.

Very sad to read this. I am so sorry for your loss and for your daughter and everyone affected. So, so, sorry x

There are no words at all!

So very very sorry to learn your sad news. You will be experiencing pain and loss on so many levels - for your DD as well as for your DGD and for the baby who will never know his/her father - and finally on your own behalf. There are no platitudes I can utter to take away from your pain and the mountain ahead for your DD. Do please use us as a shoulder to cry on or a place where you can shout out your anger against the sheer bloody unfairness of it all. Please be kind to yourself too and if you can find the space or a moment to let it all out seize that. It is your instnct to be strong for your DD but she will also feel she needs to be strong for her little girl. You can't all be strong all of the time so don't try to be superhuman. Bereavement counselling would be good for all of you.

Mindikane So sorry to hear this very sad news. Your dd will need your shoulder to cry on after she's given birth.

Such sad news. How good that you are there for them - although it must be a terrible strain trying to hold things together and keep your emotions under control. I am thinking of you.

Mindikane I am so sorry look after yourself they will need you once the baby is here.

My sincere condolences Mindikane This is such a sad time for your DD and having to prepare for the birth too.

So sorry to hear your sad news, mindikane

So very sorry to hear this news Mindi.

My condolences to you and your family mindikane this is all so sad.

Take care of yourself Mindi. So very sorry.

Sad, sad news. Look after yourself. There is nothing wrong in taking a bit of time out to be sad and cry about this. It is very stressful holding back tears. Once you have had a really good weep you will be able to regroup the following day and be strong again.

My goodness how sad.

Mindikane59 What a sad time for you all. I think NellieM is right, your daughter will need your support when the baby excitement has run its course and she 'comes down to Earth'. The reality will possibly seem overwhelming to her.

Don't forget that support doesn't necessarily have to be in person, even just being there for her at the end of the phone will help to keep her going. Remember to take care of you as well.

My thoughts go out to you, your daughter and your GC and the baby

Mindikane59 I am so sorry to hear this.

I do wonder if at present your daughter is so geared up to emotionally to prepare for her babies birth, everything else emotional is on hold, and she cannot yet allow herself to grieve.

She is really going to need a lot of your support after the birth when all the "baby excitement" etc is done and she realises that she is on her own as a parent.

I'm so sorry that your son in law has died Mindikane. What a very sad time for you all, with the birth due soon and the poignancy of losing a loving husband and father at a time when your daughter and child would be celebrating the baby's arrival. Your daughter must be glad of your company whilst she is dealing with this difficult time in her life. I suppose the only advice is that you will come through it stronger for having endured one of life's tragedies.

Mindicane, how sad and devastating for you all. Nothing anyone can say or do can alleviate a second of your unhappiness now, or in the next few weeks when the little one is born. But you will come through. My grandmother and great-grandmother both lost their husbands when their children were barely school age a - and my great-grandmother was pregnant. More recently the father of DDiL died when she was 5. All these families survived and flourished and I am sure yours will too.

For the moment take each day one at a time and leave the future, a very different future, to look after itself. Your daughter is so lucky to have you there to support her. On a practical note make sure that you and she are getting all the benefits you are entitled to. A visit to the Citizen'sAdvice Bureau (CAB) would be wise if you can manage it.

What a sad time for you all. It's hard to be strong for someone else, but your DD is lucky to have you there for support.

That is such very sad news Mindikane You and your daughter as so very brave, I can only imagine how painful your situation is. My prayers are thoughts are with you both, and of course your DGD

How very sad, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. You are doing something Mindikane you are there and helping, you haven't gone away, so please don't think you aren't doing anything.
I have no experience of something like this so all I can do is say you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sadly my son-in-law died on Saturday leaving a 3 year old and my daughter is now 36 weeks pregnant, she is amazingly strong, unlike me she is not an emotional wreck, she has become very task focused and is looking ahead already. I'm living in her house doing all I can so that she can rest and get ready for a home birth. It's the hardest thing I've ever been a part of, watching my daughters pain and being able to do nothing. I feel I need to run off and cry but as she doesn't cry much I hold it together. It's hard being away from my home, I have given up my life until she is ready to cope alone. I hope we all come out the other side one day. Thanks for all your comments and support.

Being practical again, do they need a hospital bed?
If my husband had had one, I wouldn't have been able to lie down next to him. Admittedly sometimes I only had a foot of the bed to sleep on, the rest of the bed taken up with the nest of pillows they used for him, but we were there for each other.
Mind, I wasn't pregnant at the time.

It is indeed is different when it's your own Mindi..

The fact you are a counsellor and hypnotherapist and could help someone in your daughter's situation flies,out the window. She just sees you as her Mum and you just being there for her is all she needs. Understandably she can't even think straight at the moment and she will be making a huge effort just trying to get through each day having to deal with what must be a nightmare for her. Poor girl..

She knows her Mum is strong and can cope and possibly feels she doesn't have to worry about you, plus, she knows you will always be there for her.

For whatever reason you can't reach your daughter at bedtime, it's not going to change any situation so then you must make sure you look after yourself and a good nights sleep is so important to keep you healthy.