my daughter is 34 weeks pregnant with 3 year old son-in-law diagnosed with aggressive cancer … how to support

My heart goes out to you. This is heart breaking. You are already doing a massive amount in looking after the domestic arrangements and your DGD so don't underestimate the importance and value of that. I can offer no wise advice, just my sympathy as you face your SIL's illness, your DD's own grief and worry and the little one who may or may not have an idea of what is going on. I hope you will feel able to come on site and either off load or scream or cry on a shoulder.This will be exhausting for all concerned and as I imagine no-one knows how long the present situation will last, do try make sure you look after your own health as you will not be a lot of use if you crack up too. Are there other members of the family who can relieve or support you? Maintaining a semblance of normality for your DGD will be invaluable both for her and to take some of the strain off her parents. xx

Sorry!!Should have said DGS and "him/his" - please excuse this!

That is so sad. I am in a foul mood today for what can only be described as petty reasons compared to a situation like this. I really need to snap out of it and put my energy in to sending you and your daughter and her family virtual support and love. I totally echo what Soutra says, I couldn't have said more xx

Thank you so much what lovely support , I'm just off to town to shop and collect my granddaughter. feeling very lost and alone as my daughter has no energy for anyone but her husband which is fine, its all so new and confusing for us all. bless you for your support x

prayers and thoughts are with you

I just cannot start to imagine what you are all going through.Just let them all know how much you love them and will always be there for them and try to keep the little one's routine as normal as you can. Your daughter will so much appreciate what you are doing for her.xx

My heart also goes out to you Mindi. Having her Mum there is exactly what you DD and her family need. Being there to see to your DGS will be an enormous help to your daughter letting her concentrate and care for her husband. If you have other family members who want to help and support, let them.

My cousin was 27 with two toddler DDs when she was diagnosed with lung cancer and we, as her extended family worked together to help and support her and my Aunt. Even simple things like supplying meals to ensure the family had a proper meal ready.

As Soutra has said, make sure you look after yourself too and remember we are always here to support you through this very sad time.

Mindikane
Are there any Macmillan nurses in you area? A big part of their particular brief is offering support to relatives etc.

www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/Nurses/AboutMacmillanNurses.aspx

Do you have a Sue Ryder hospice anywhere near? - their outreach support was beyond price when my daughter was terminally ill and they cared for us all with compassion. I could not have made it through those last weeks without them, and neither could my son in law. Sending you hugs and prayers Mindi.

Mindikane so very sorry to hear of your desperately sad situation. My heart goes out to your family along with hopes that you can find the help and strength you need to get through it.

I can't really add anything to what's already been said, mindikane but your support will keep you close to your daughter even though she is understandably drained by the sad situation.

Mindi how very sad. I just can't imagine what you are going through. As others have said, do take care of yourself as well. and a big ether hug to you.

Yes a hospice bed might make things easier on your daughter and SIL.
Wise words already said. Looking after the practical side of life is not to be underestimated. Just be there and be her rock. Give her cuddles.
This is a very supportive forum and do not be afraid to use us as a sounding board over the coming weeks - being a rock is demanding work.

Mindikane Just keeping your dgd looked after will be a huge help for your dd, and dgd will need lots of love and reassurance at this time. She must be bewildered.
It's a horribly sad situation, and my heart breaks for you all.

I think you are doing all you can already*Mindi*. However, if you are self employed, are you managing to get some work done as well?Hopefully other family members will help ? What a sad situation.

The practical day to day stuff is just as important [if not more] than providing sympathy and your DD will appreciate this.

There is nothing more for me to add- so sad

Any chance of him coming home and having hospice at home care? It certainly makes it easier for all to be involved in visiting, etc. I do not know where you live, but we had a charity called lifespan to visit my husband, and talk to the family. The Macmillan nurses put us on to them, and they used massage, etc., to help him relax . There might be a similar charity in your area.

MindiSending you heartfelt hugs to you & your family I can add nothing more than that & prayers.

No words but prayers for you all

My heart goes out to you- can't find the words either.
I'd also say to contact MacMillan nurses and ask if they have a programme for children. This is so so awful

Sadly not in a position to offer any useful advice Mindi .

I agree with what many others have said. You just being there, as you are, is the very best thing you can do at this very sad time. My thoughts are with you and your dear family. Stay strong.

I am so sorry Mindi I think the help you are giving looking after your DGD is beyond price. Going by my experience with DH's cancer (with both children grown up) I think anything you can do that will let your DD concentrate on her husband while you try to keep a semblance of normality for your DGD and keep an eye on the pregnancy will be so valuable.

I wish I could offer more than sympathy, but I hope you can find the strength to get though this.

I can't add to what has been said already, but you are in my thoughts. Your daughter will never need support more than she does now and that is what you are giving her. ((((hugs))))