Suicide? Selfish ?

To all who have felt suicidal or experienced the suicide of those close to them, ((hugs)) and love. It is a complex issue but it is important to remember thAt those suffering from severe depression are ill! The problem is that so many will not say how they are feeling or find it difficult to do so.

I used to be a Samaritan and listened to many with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it helped for a while, but those with severe depression found it difficult to articulate how badly they felt. And yes, some of our callers did eventually kill themselves. vampirequeen you have mentioned one of the issues that I heard so often, the lack of self worth, the conviction that it would be better for everyone if they died.

In my opinion it is neither selfish or unselfish as that implies the ability to judge your actions in a rational way.

Severe depression and its outcomes are not something you can control although it can be treated and seeking treatment is essential. Believing you can control it often leads to people not seeking treatment and society suggesting that decisions such as Robin Williams sadly came to was one over which he had control does not help encourage people to seek help. They feel they should be able to help themselves.

Asking the severely depressed to think in the same way that a none depressed person does is about as reasonable as asking someone with a broken leg to walk in the same way someone without does.

There really is no point in judging the person who is gone. All our efforts should be spent in doing anything we can for those who are left.

There are so many searingly sad stories here but reading so many sensitive comments too. It makes me feel hopeful that something positive and helpful will come out of Robin William's much mourned suicide. I've suffered from the black dog certainly since I was 17 and probably before that so I know how slowly attitudes change. Thank God for forums like this.

It has been very moving to read your responses, I struggled to understand why mum wanted to end her life, and now struggle to understand DiL, but your very honest and thought provoking responses, which have helped me to take a wider perspective,

It's very sad when someone dies because they genuinely feel they're doing the right thing for everyone. They just can't comprehend the pain they'll leave behind because they don't feel that they have any value so won't be missed.

I think that is what people who have never experienced it don't understand vampirequeen - in that mindset, it does make perfect sense; no different to the way anorexics can look in the mirror and see a fat body when the rest of us see a painfully thin body or people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder see an ugly person looking back at them from the mirror when other people can see a very attractive person. The mind is a complex thing isn't it.

Jings - that must have been so hard for you, to continue on your own .
Like many others on here, a member of my family attempted suicide once, TG didn't manage it.
But DH's brother did kill himself, in despair after a failed business. DH says it was his mother who was the most affected by this.

When I've been in suicide mode I've been very very calm. Suddenly it all makes perfect sense. If I die it will be so much better for everyone else. My DH wouldn't be burdened by me anymore and could move back near his children. My daughters would inherit money and it would help to solve their money problems. I would gain oblivion and rest.

The perfect solution for everyone.

At the moment I'm not in suicide mode and I can see that my DH would be devastated and money wouldn't stop the grief my daughters would suffer.

(((Hugs))) to all of you touched by suicide or suicidal thoughts

My grandfather found his father hanging from the bannisters. Pop was twelve and the eldest of six children. Their mother had died in childbirth and their father had employed housekeepers to look after the baby and the rest of the family but I presume his grief and the stress got too much for him. Pop never got over the shame and had no sympathy for people who put their family through the experience.

Thankfully things have change since the turn of last century!

Jingl (((hugs)))

How terrible for all those of you who have had family members commit suicide. I don't know how you cope with the feelings it must invoke.
I don't think suiciders are selfish, just desperate to bring an end to their despair for whatever reason. What a terribly sad thing it is, and my heartfelt sympathy to everyone who has had to deal with this subject.

To all who have posted bravely on this thread
I can't find the words but am feeling for you.

It seems we have all had family members/friends/neighbours who have been tragic suicides. That's how common it is, and yet it's rarely talked about.Any 'selfishness' is seen by the family left behind because they are angry in their grief.Later, they will know it wasn't selfishness at all, just despair.Unbearably sad.

Nothing to apologise for Iam.

Jingle, I owe an apology, and here it is. I'm sorry for posting without having read your post about your mother. I would have included you in my thanks for those brave enough to have shared their own experiences of losing a loved one to suicide.

I have not lost a close relative to suicide, but I have had experience of close friends who have. My children's high school had 5 suicides in as many years, all boys, all around either gcse or a level exam or result times. One of the young men was particularly close to our family, and all were in the same year group as our own children. I empathise with Jingle's feelings about her mother's suicide. A young woman we're very close to, lost her father to suicide recently. He left a note for her. You can imagine how hard this has been for her, and her mum.

As someone who has recently had a suicidal relative this is all too close to home at the moment.
to others who have had experiences.

jingl I am so sorry for what you and others have gone through.

for all of you who have suffered through this. My brother didn't have a partner or children just us siblings who were devastated. I think these days he could have been helped, there wasn't much around in the '70s.

So many very sad experiences on here. It's not easy to reveal these things, so to everyone else who's opened up a little.

to all of you who have had to endure such sadness. I can only imagine

Thank you for the kind posts. for you too.

Thanks to Soutra and Aka,as well as to others who have posted their personal experiences of deep depression and suicide. Apportioning blame for mental health problems is something we should avoid, we have no idea what struggles have led to substance misuse, anxiety, depression or self harm.

Aka and Soutra, and others .

jings I'm sorry that you had that dreadful experience . Really sorry for you.

I feel for those of you who have experienced a suicide or attempted suicide and am glad you have been able to talk about it. My concern is also for all those who are unable to talk about it, they are very vulnerable.