cancer

My daughters friend is a MacMillan nurse and she is very upbeat about people having cancer because it's so important to have a positive outlook, and she is very postive about it being just another illness that has to be treated. In fact I saw the tail end of a programme about Hurricane Higgins last night who had throat cancer and looked terrible; he died because his gambling and addictions took over and he didn't look after himself..he had [and I didn't know this] beaten the disease.

I always heard people talking about macmillan nurses in hushed voices.

EG 'so and so has the macmillan nurses in to visit so he mustn't have long to go'. I always thought of them as 'death nurses' as Ive only heard then help people to die peacefully.

Oh Im so scared.

My sis in law had cancer. The Macmillan nurses were wonderful. They asked if ther was anything they could do. They will sort benefit queries. Help with equipment, listen to your fears, and help you cope. Is you need assessment before going home they sort a care package with your feelings taken into consideration. This could be much easier coped with than having your mother take over. Quite unexpectedly Macmillan gave my brother a small bursery to help with expenses. Petrol for round trips to hospital. That will also work with you for good pain relief.

Good advice above, ethel

You are bound to be anxious and not having anyone to share it with will make it worse.
Go to your GP and tell him/her how anxious you are.

Yes, do, ethel! It is sad to "hear" you so, understandably, distressed. Take any help that is offered to get you through this.

I urge you to go back to your doctor and ask for help. When my cousin was diagnosed he had CBT and it helped him with a more positive attitude.

Ethel - being anxious is not necessarily an illness - it is all a matter of degree. Anxiety has its uses, but if it is interfering with the ability to enjoy life, then sometimes a bit of help can be useful. It is entirely understandable that you are feeling anxious at the moment and your GP might be able to help - that might be one route to go down.

You are not weak in character - you are just you; and some of your thinking has been shaped by your Mum's anxieties and it sounds as though this is a problem for you.

It does sound as though her approach to your illness is not helpful for you and that having to be reliant on her during this difficult time for you is not ideal. That might be a good reason to consider some help from others as your treatment proceeds - you need good professional dispassionate advice.

No they will not put you in a mental hospital , think most are closed now anyway

Dear Ethel , you sure are a worrier , I think it is unreasonable for your Mum to take over your life , I think the compassionate and unjudgmental help of the Nurses would be preferable . They help people get BETTER , they do not force themselves on you but are there to help . Your Mum might mean well but she is undermining the medical help you need

mishap, I thought that It was just my nature, I have always been a worrier, I always choose the safe answer if I have a problem, this goes back to my overbearing mothers influence. For instance as a teenager she would say not to go out on a rainy night as there was no sense getting wet so I would stay in and miss going out with my friends, she would tell me to always save money so I would stay in or not buy something etc, I have got to be like her so much and become so anxious that I find its second nature now but it is my nature not an illness, at least I wasn't aware that it was an illness. I go shopping with her and she spends ages working out what is the cheapest items in the supermarket and when I go I feel anxious about what I am buying now. she asked to take over my bank account and spending and sometimes I just want to give in and be like a little girl but at the same time I want to be an adult and now I know I will have to depend upon her after my op, I am anxious that she will take over me completely. She says she just wants whats best and her way is the best way. She says I don't have cancer and ought not to have had the test. I don't know where to turn but I don't have an option. but I really never thought I had need of medication, I just thought I was weak in character. this has been hard for me to write. I may go tot he doc but I am scared they will put me in a mental hospital as I have a horror of them too.
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Ethel - you are in a bad place just now, and it does seem that this is an extension of a bad place that has been hard for you for a long time - anxiety is a painful experience and can take over your life.

When my friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer she went into a similar state to yours at present -so she went to her GP, told him how things were for her, and he gave her something to relieve the anxiety. It eased her passage through her treatment tremendously.

I know that you are a very private person and do not like to appear weak - but this is not weakness; it is being human. You may find it easier to accept the help of a drug treatment to calm your state in preference to talking to people.

I would be the same as you, unable to get the diagnosis out of my mind. But I would be happy to have help from anyone who is able to offer it - this is not your style, and you have to have help that suits you - but you do need help.

I know that you have concerns about MacMillan nurses, but I have several friends who have been where you are and the MacMillan nurses have been a real rock for them over many years - and all these friends are very much still alive!

You have some real challenges ahead of you - we all recognise that and no-one can take that away for you. But we can be here ready to listen, without judging, and without the need for you to meet us face to face. I hope very much that this online support will help you. It is however no substitute for getting along to the doctor and asking for a bit of a prop to see you through the next few weeks.

I am currently suffering from a serious depression which has hit me out of the blue and made me feel totally pathetic and weak; so I do have a bit of an idea where you are coming from emotionally. It is a hard place to be I know but we are all here for you.

rose what a lovely way to go at 90 with a glass of wine in your hand. lol that thought has cheered me a little, thank you.
Think I will get pissed and sod everything.
mind as I don't drink it wont take much and I just fall asleep so it wont be much fun. I cant even enjoy being drunk

I am more of a worrier now than I used to be; I used to think that nothing would happen apart from the normal infections/niggles/joint pains and I would live until I was 90 then keel over with a glass of wine in my hand. Then when things did happen it was a shock and I worry more now.

I don't know which is worse really, glass half full or half empty.

I do worry about everyone else though.

thank you rose but im not positive, I just cant be.
I want this nightmare to go, I became like this when I got the results. I have never been a happy person really but I worry about what might happen, for years I thought I had about ten different cancers in anyone day. At 15 I thought I had breast cancer as one breast was bigger than the other, I have regular scans and nothing has shown. I used to record a message every year for my DD in case I died in the next year. If I was looking forward to an occasion I would worry in case I died before it.
I think that if you are happy and looking forward to something then something bad will happen. I used to worry that if I ate an egg sandwich I would have a heart attack due to the cholesterol.
So after being such a worrier now that I have a big worry I just cant cope with anything else. how can I help being a worrier.

They will help you, etheltbags1 - they will not be different nurses for different stages (at least our local ones, who are not MacMillan are not) but will be there for you to give support whilst you are having your treatment.
One came to help me with injections that I had to do until I could manage by myself.

Who says you won't get better? Just take a day at a time and try to stay positive.

can anyone tell me how to concentrate, all I think about it cancer, I cant read for more than a couple of paragraphs, I haven't been on line for a week, I watch rubbish tv but even that doesn't help. I would like to be able to 'switch off' for just a short time but I cant I wake up in the night thinking about it. I tried reading the other posts on g net but I can only see them in relation to my illness, I cant work now and I feel Ive lost my identity, Im just a patient.
Some people so things despite their illnesses but I cant, I feel that its just a waste of time doing things. Help me someone.

how will I know if a macmillan nurse is one who gives advice or one who nurses the terminal ill. I coudnt bear to be near someone who looks after the dying, that is how scared I am.
I even hate the thought of being in a hospital bed where someone has died. no one knows how scary this is, I cant even think of the future when I know I wont get better, I cant even imagine getting better. I have no thoughts of things being good any more. I cant be positive any more.

I always thought macmillan were for those with only a few weeks left, they come to nurse them at home, they are death nurses and I am so scared. I am not up to dealing with this . I cant face the thought of a life with constant appointments and people coming to my house.

We had a shock when MacMillan rang up when my husband had cancer. In fact they were very useful, getting all sorts of help and equipment, knowing the right people, etc.
Give them a chance, Ethel, you might be surprised what a weight it will take off your shoulders.

One more thing ethel don't forget that this time between diagnosis and treatment is very trying and your emotions will be all over the place..

ethel I know exactly how you feel, I was just the same all I wanted to be was NORMAL. But looking back now although at the time it seemed for ever, time goes on and honestly you will cope far better than you ever think you will. Just don't let the bugger get you down, and it won't - well perhaps only a bit during any unpleasant stages of the treatment but really at this stage you probably don't know what will be done, so take each day as it comes.

I used to get up each morning and think "well I am still here" and then work out how I felt and dealt with it accordingly. Worked for me.

I am sure that if you make it clear what help you are prepared to have and what help you can do without thank you they will keep your wishes in mind.

Ethelbags you seem to be almost lashing out in fear. I so wish I could give you a proper hug and tell you that everything will be alright, and the chances are that everything WILL be alright. As has been said in this thread, bowel cancer is one of the easiest ones to treat successfully. Indeed my cousin, who had a very large tumour has just finished a course of radiotherapy combined with chemotherapy and has been told that the tumour is now almost indistinguishable. Please try and accept help and comfort when it is offered, you DO NOT have to go through this alone. X

Why would anyone be 'poking into your private life'? I know little about MacMillan nurses, but how I wish they had been around when my mother had cancer to reassure her and my father. They are not, as you seem to believe, a flock of vultures.

We are all different ethel and you are clearly a very private person.

Being on the receiving end if care, concern and kindness does not make you "useless" - receive these gifts with grace. They are there for you, and we all need them at times.

I am going through a period in my life when I have had to sit back and let others care for me - it has been a valuable life lesson - not one I would have sought, but one that I can now value. I hope it will be the same for you.

I don't mind being helped back to health-no probs but I don't see how this poking into my private life will help, I just want to go get this op over with and go home I will take medication as instructed I just cant see how this 'sharing' of my life will help. I will feel as if im in a goldfish bowl and having care workers will make me feel as if im useless. It is so hard to explain.
If you are living alone you don't think about how you will cope if you are ill but for me being in a relationship is utter misery, the one thing I would not like is having to look after a partner if they were ill. I aways said that I'm glad I live alone and no one to look after. I must be selfish I suppose but I'm glad I can rant and rave to you at gnet. xxx
Please don't think too badly of me .