Depression 2

Go Mishap !!!!!

Bongs have just gone, off to the cupboard for me!

Well done Mishap, another step forward to remember if you're having a 'down' day. I'm not surprised you're very tired, hope you have a quiet evening x

I have just driven up to the village school and attended a school staff meeting as governor representative. The driving was uncomfortable with groin pain and pain down my leg, but I did it - and felt as if I was some use at the meeting, which has to be good! I am really very tired now - pathetic, but there we are - I have achieved something today - hooray!

Pompa - how's it going. Any news from doc?

Pompa so sorry to find you are feeling down. Try to stay positive and believe things will get better. Perhaps another appointment with your GP and tell them how you feel and there again there's always us here to lend a sympathetic ear.

Pompa - I am sorry that you are having a down patch. I know how you feel and you have to keep the faith and believe that there will be better days to come.

I can also identify with the feeling that family might be better off without me - but they do not agree, and I am sure that Mrs P feels the same. Think about if it was the other way round and she was unwell and you needed to support her. You would do it without a second thought.

I can also understand your frustration with your pain and "clunking" - I am deeply fed up (understatement alert!) about my hip surgery - I am in no less pain now 4 months down the line - just in different places - than I was before the surgery and it has cost me dear, having triggered both a heart problem and a depression, and closed down my life as I knew it. I have pain in my groin and shooting down my shin. I fervently wish I had not done it - it was a huge mistake, but I was not to know that. Mind you the surgeon said that the joint was down to bone on bone, so I could not have continued as I was. The surgeon says that everything now looks OK on the x-ray - I wish it really was OK to live with!

I am keeping a daily record of how things are and there is no doubt that the depression has a mind of its own as things are up and down all the time - and the mornings are undoubtedly the worst time for me.

I do hope that you can get an appointment with your GP and discuss all the aspects of your problems - hang on to that leg! - I am sure that there will be ways of easing things a bit. Are you taking pain killers still? - I am.

Phoenix - yes my dose of dosulepin is very small, but I do seem to be very sensitive indeed to drugs and GP and CPN feel I ought to stick to one and a half for now - particularly with the heart problem to take into consideration. I am glad that you are doing well on your 75 mg and hope that the job-hunting is progressing.

I agree, you must talk to your GP about how you're feeling, not just the physical aspects.

Perhaps your GP could expedite your appointment with the consultant, but I doubt if he'll agree to the drastic measure of removing your leg. There must be another solution.

pompa You are, as you say, in a downward spiral just now, never the best time to make decisions which are a result of you feeling so low. This is not how you think normally.

Please see your GP and tell him exactly how you are feeling. I am sure no one needs to tell you how devastated Mrs P would be without you.

Seen Dr. re hamstring pain, not much can be done, just anti inflammatories, ice and rest. I see the consultant in 6 weeks, I will talk to him about the clunking then, mentioned it to my Dr, he thought it was normal, but I don't think it should be so painful.

pompa I'm sure Mrs pompa would disagree! Are you seeing you GP regularly at present?

Mishap For ages I was on 2x25mg capsules a day, taken in the evening. Two different GP's told me that that is considered a very minimal dose, sort of "neither here nor there* in terms of effect. (I think it's around a fifth of the maximum dose, not entirely sure) but I'm currently on 1x75mg tablet a day.

On a bit of a down spiral atm. The pain in my hamstring plus the painful clunking in my knee is getting me down. Starting to think DW would be better off without me, she can't do the things we normally do. I would even consider having the leg removed if I thought they would do it. My neighbor had his leg off and it improved his life no end, he was walking again within a few months. He had a huge battle to get the surgeon to remove it.

Is it worth doing separate morning and afternoon scores?

Scored 31 yesterday; but not great this morning. Things improve as the day goes on so I am hanging on to that.

Sunny here, but too icy to venture out yet.

It possibly was me Nfk - I must take my own advice!

Yes - dry mouth definitely.

I too get akathisia ("movement disorder characterized by a feeling of inner restlessness and a compelling need to be in constant motion") which is your "jittery and jangly" problem. Mine occurs during the night, which is why I take the drug at 8 pm so that it does not occur during the day and hopefully I am asleep when it happens.

I would guess that you are on a bigger dose than me - I only take 1 and a half 25 mg capsules - I am very sensitive to drugs and they are wary of giving me too much because of the heart arrhythmia that I get. There are treatments for the akathisia, but they too carry their own side effects of course!

Interestingly I feel dozy rather than jittery in the mornings - as if I have been dredged up from the bottom of the river.

If you are taking it at 6 pm, it is surprising that you still get the problem in the morning, which is a long time afterwards. For me taking it at 8 pm results in the problem occurring during the night, rather quicker than for you.

I hope that you can get your way through the morning fidgets somehow. The long term and more general benefit is worth having.

Mishap I know that we are both on the same drug, (perhaps different doses) and as you know I take mine at 6pm (the bongs go on the radio and I'm heading to the cupboard like one of Pavlov's dogs!)

I wonder if we have the same side effects? The main ones for me are a very dry mouth and feeling all jittery and jangly in the morning, hard to describe, but hopefully you will know what I mean.

Sujected? Silly iPad! Suggested!

Why I sujected writing other stuff and making it more like a journal was because things like the weather, visitors, IBS, pain, are all interrelated. Just writing helps too. (Was it you suggested I do this when my mother and here problems were getting me down?)

Thanks for the ideas. Loopy - I take the anti-D at 8 pm as the worst side effects kick in a few hours later, and then hopefully I sleep through them. It also has a sedative effect which helps me sleep. I will however bring it up with the CON when I see her - good suggestion. I need to try and have a dose/time routine that does not leave me sedated during the day.

I am not too bad this morning but plagued as always by IBS which causes me to feel very nauseous every morning - it is like being permanently pregnant and no fun at all.

I have set up a document on which I will record how I am doing each day - I am giving a score out of ten for different times of the day and also how I have slept, then I will add them up and create a daily score - very organised! Yesterday's score was 27 out of a possible 40. The score was dragged down by the very bad morning that I had. I will wait and see how today goes.

It is reassuring to converse with others who have come through this problem.

Are the mornings your worst times? It may be worth asking the CPN if changing the time of day you take your antidepressants might help?

Thanks for your ideas.

I feel fine tonight, but (from past experience) that makes me feel nervous, as there have been times when this has happened and the next day has been awful!

Keep your fingers crossed for tomorrow morning.

I am grateful for the support and encouragement.

A gap of four or five days out of the black hole is definitely so much better than you were! And this time didn't last as long. It may not feel like it, but you are getting slowly better.

Keeping a journal is a good idea. Not just for noting your moods, but the weather, anything. It'll help.

So sorry you are feeling this way mishap when I was feeling really low and depressed I was given the same advice on recording my feelings. Thought about it for a while as I really didn't think it would help, I then did decide to give it try. I now record a page or two every day on how I am feeling ,what, if any medication I am on, what time I wake in the morning etc etc and sometimes I even record what I have eaten. Does it make me feel better , well I feel almost duty bound to write my feelings down and somehow knowing that I have that chore to do makes me feel a bit more together.Not saying it would work for you but I truly feel it has helped me some. I have also become more adventurous with my jottings and on occasions draw a little picture of how I am that day , many times I have drawn a blank face ( on darker days) and some days a little drawing of a rainbow creeps in. Just thought I would share and I hope you soon are feeling a little more positive.

Mishap so sorry you are finding things so tough. All I can say is hang on in there, you are really doing very well even if you can't see it yourself. Just a point on private therapists (can only speak CBT), if they are good, they should be able to say after your first visit (assessment) whether they feel they can help or not, so you would only pay for the assessment which in itself, might be helpful. Keep strong and as positive as you can. and hugs.

Thank you for that advice. I did start recording how I was day to day (which is not the sort of thing I would normally do as it feels a bit "navel-gazing) but I was going through a bad patch and it just made me sad to see the low scores. I think I made it too complicated as I was trying to put in various columns about the medication that I was taking so that I could see what helped and what didn't - maybe I just have to have a morning, afternoon and evening score and keep it simple.

I will get on to that - thanks for the idea.

I feel OK at the moment, after an appalling morning - I am concentrating on enjoying this moment.