Depression 2

Thanks loopy - is that the source of your name? I am slightly better now - I went and played the piano (or tried to) for a while and it focused my brain a bit. I can only hope for better tomorrow.

The irony of this dreadful illness is that in order to fight it and keep determined to get better requires strength and I really have so little of that at the moment.

Certainly I can relate to this Mishap, particularly if I 'over did' things sometimes or if triggered by something sad.
I see my recovery from depression as a series of loops, some much bigger than others, that chuck you backwards every now and again but hopefully the progress is going forwards. Bit like those adventure playground rides that loop the loop?
The loops for me are definitely much smaller than they were and get triggered by being tired or get stressed.

Optimistically hoping this is just a blip, unpleasant as it is for you ((hugs)) x

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OK - here I am griping again, and feeling so guilty as poor Daisy has lost her DD and truly has something to cry about - but this afternoon I have gone back down to rock bottom - it just drops on me from nowhere and for no apparent reason. I have a few days when I seem to be improving and then - wham - here it is again. I cannot stop crying and feel as though life has no point and I wish it was over. I have no idea how my poor OH is coping with this - it is truly grim. I also have ghastly migrainous symptoms that go with it - nausea, giddiness, pain etc.

Is there anyone else out there who has had depression and can tell me that these setbacks do eventually go away? It feels so cruel - the carrot of recovery is dangled in from of me and then snatched away.

I was assessed for CBT counselling yesterday and was not at all bad - so I am sure they got the impression that I was fine - I know the CPN did on Monday and I am not seeing her for 3 weeks because she thought I was doing so well. These fluctuations are so problematical for us all. I cannot wait for some light at the end of all this - it seems to be a long time coming.

I'm glad it's not been shelved. It will take a lot of thinking through and you're right not to rush into anything when you've so much else on your plate. Plenty of time. It'll be good to have something to mull over when you are feeling more chipper. House designs, construction, etc are all absorbing I find - it's what I do when I can't sleep!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement.

Yes - NfkDumpling - my DD lives somewhere flat! We are shelving that decision at the moment, because I do not feel it is a good idea to make such important life-changing decisions while I am not 100%. Their kind offer is on the table, and we will return to it when I am well and do some proper researches. They have a lovely paddock and we could be next door but not in their faces. A lot to think about. My son-in-law is a dear and would welcome us too.

Fantastic achievement! Both! No wonder you're knackered!

Out of curiosity - if you did move to the end of DDs garden, would it be flatter? Walking on steep slopes is a bugger.

When I see your first post was on 16 December, you've made really good progress in just over 3 weeks! & to celebrate me thinks! x

Well done Mishap That's determination.

Well done Mishap - slowly but surely!

That's really good Mishap! It's bound to exhaust you at first until you build up your stamina, but a great start, well done!
Took me weeks to even get around our estate so do know how it feels, but done regularly it should get steadily easier.
x

Well done Mishap, I would count that as a huge achievement! To decide to do something which would be good for you and to have the determination to carry it through is brilliant!

Thanks phoenix. I am about to have a short lie down with a book and a hottie.

That is a great achievement, Mishap ! Well done, now give yourself some kind of reward, even if it's something small like a biscuit with your coffee, reading a few pages of a book etc.

Last night was bad; and I am less than good this morning; but in an attempt to fight this thing I have driven the car for the first time (somewhat painful and not very far - about a mile or so) and walked a short way down our steep hill and back.

Knackered now, but at least I have something to put on my achievement record and can feel that I have not let it beat me.

I still wish it would go away though.

Ginny - do not apologise for "moaning" - I have done more than my share. Pain and surgery drag people down. I hope that your appointment tomorrow goes well.

Keep going Mishap you are doing well.

I have had a few 'down days'. I suppose two big op's in six months must have some effect. Also having so much pain with my knees over the last few years and having two smaller op's on my toe a year ago.
Tomorrow morning I have to go to the eye clinic as I have another bout of iritis, the 4th time in a year.

Sorry to moan but sometimes it helps.

Thanks mrshat - I have a CBT person ringing me at mid-day tomorrow to discuss what is on offer on the NHS in this area. I know there is a course starting on 26th, but it is in the morning and I would have to leave at the point when I am usually glued to the loo with my IBS, so I will have to discuss with her what else might be available.

Mishap I think you are doing really well, slowly but surely. Keep hanging on in there. Depression is horrid. I understand that a combination of three things is the best way forward, Counselling/Therapy, Correct Medication and Support. I reckon you have at least 2 of the above and I can strongly recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) if you can get hold of a good Therapist. Good luck and lots of hugs

I echo what pompa says, the thought of going out the door was beyond me and when I did I was scared of having a panic attack, so going anywhere was a real ordeal.
Now I look back and actually feel quite chuffed with myself at how much things have improved and can think rationally.
You will get there but give yourself time.

Mishap you can always count on gettings a (hug) here. We are all with you. Thank you for thinking of others when you are having such a difficult time yourself.

Daffydil - I am sorry to hear that you have PD. So does my OH - I hope that you are receiving the same sort of excellent treatment and support that he is getting from the NHS. I could not fault it.

Thank you all for your helpful posts. I will beat this thing.

Mishap, whilst ant-depressants only treat the symptoms, once the symptoms improve, you are then in a much better position to analyse the cause and try to make changes. When in deep depression it is difficult to envisage a solution let alone act on one.

It sounds as if your counsellor has helped after all. But she's just not the right one - not quite on your wavelength? Thanks for the link. I know someone who may find it very useful.

I also agree with the others - you are making progress. Slow but sure.

mishap I can only endorse what others have been saying. You have coped brilliantly with all the health issues you have had which make mine seem trivial (I have Parkinsons). Five years agoI had a very severe bout of depression, found it difficult to talk to anyone even (like you) my own understanding, lovely family and close friends. I isolated myself more and more and eventually became agoraphobic to the extent that even going to the garden shed was an ordeal. I did come out the other side (not the shed obviously!) and so will you. You are clearly a very strong lady.
You are right. Depression is not really understood except by those who have experienced it and how it affects one physically. So hold on in there, unburden yourself as often and as vehemently as you like here.