Self Harm amongst over 60s.

I'm a self harmer. I'm happy to talk about it openly if people want me to or privately by pm.

I'm not ashamed of my scars. Self harm is a survival strategy. I see them as proof of my will to survive.

I think there many be many manifestations of self harm which include failure to eat and care for oneself as well as physical abuse of self. The causes are varied but always seem to indicate some form of mental distress. If people find help in the openess and support of others that's can only be a good thing. All I would say is that should never replace professional help but sometimes its not easy to seek this on your own or even recognise the need for it. Gransnet is an en excellent place to find support and advice on a range of issues.

Well said Teetime, hadn't thought of it that way and is probably pretty widespread if self neglect is one form.

It's far more prevalent than people think. It's just that most self harmers are ashamed of what they do as they feel it's a sign of failure on their part and 'normal' people tend to react with shock and, often, disgust so that reinforces the self harmer's feelings of shame.

I was self harming when young, probably upto the age of 25 or so......didn't recognise it as such until fairly recently. Totally agree Vampirequeen, ashamed to even admit now

I worked with people who self harm. I View it as a coping strategy for which there are about ten main reasons. I still occasionally bite my nails and the skin down the sides and this could be seem as self harm but is a coping strategy when trying to work something out.

It's what society lets it be. In some societies it's part of religious observance or rights of passage at puberty.

For you Kassi it's the coping strategy you are using at the moment but it would help, perhaps, if you could find another that meets your needs and helps you relax. Perhaps visualise somewhere that you have been where you felt very good about yourself and make that as real as possible in your mind until you feel able to cope again.

vampire. would you not be more concerned if people were not shocked ?

Thank you vq for having the courage to talk about his openly. I hope that these problems resolve for you.

Harri is right - being shocked is appropriate; but we can also try to understand.

I would not be be shocked but I would be sad to know that the person was so distressed that they had had to self-harm.

I don't actually know anything about it, tho, so can only give {{hugs}} to you, kassi.

But don't you see that it doesn't help the self harmer be treated with shock and disgust. It's natural for a non self harmer to be shocked but they should try not to show it because the self harmer could already struggling with feelings of self loathing or worthlessness and a negative response from the 'normal' just makes it worse.

Try to understand us. We don't do it for fun or without fighting the urges. It's not a first level survival strategy. We know it's an abnormal response to stress but we also know it helps us. Most of us desperately distract and try to find other ways to release the stress but sometimes it is the only way.

I am a survivor and a fighter. Even when I feel suicidal and search for oblivion there is a part of me somewhere deep inside that wants to live. My scars are not symbols of weakness but of strength.

I never thought of it as self harm, but I used to bite my nails as a kid. My mum tried all sorts to get me to stop, but nothing worked; I used to lick the bitter aloes off. When I left school I stopped spontaneously when my self esteem improved because I had a chance to gain some credit for what I was good at, rather than only being criticised for what I wasn't good at.

I feel so sad, I didn't even think of it existing in other age groups apart from teenagers. I'm so sorry that such an act is found to be helpful, yet I can understand it easily, as it took years for me to work out that overeating was not harming anyone but myself - I put on weight deliberately to spite my Ex. We all have our ways of coping, don't we.

Thank you for your helpful replies. I don't think I even realised I was doing it and when I saw my arm it just got me thinking. I asked the question because I too have only ever thought of youngsters self harming, and I only ever thought about them 'cutting'. I can see now from the replies that there are many other ways of self harming, and it's certainly given me food for thought .

If you would like to PM kassi I would be happy to help if I can.