Good friends who won't diet

I have given up, you are all right, of course.

You can't say anything as you risk being told it's nothing to do with you, which is true. Adult people make their own choices unless of course they ask for advice and then you could freely offer it.

Years ago I tried janerowena to influence my step mother by buying her some healthy style cookbooks. My father had a single bypass which was 80% clogged up again within a year. My step mother loved to cook but her food was very, very rich. My father walked for miles, was active and looked good for his age but ended up with a pacemaker.

People lose weight on these high fat diets but some fats do not melt at body temperature and clog up arteries.

I would leave them alone, they must know the reason they are overweight.

actually that sounds a good meal for a diabetic - it looks like they are following the lchf diet - low carb high fat method of controlling blood sugar levels - the theory is that all carbs are turned into sugar by the body - not good for diabetics - and because you restrict you carb intake you need to eat more fat so your body can us this for energy . also many low fat products are loaded with sugar to make them taste nice. the odd thing about this diet is that although it goes against all received wisdom of diets you can lose wight on it . I follow this diet & last month I lost 8lbs and my blood sugar has come down

It has not yet been proved that overweight people are not as healthy as slim people. The BM index considered in Europe to be the most healthy for middle aged or older people is 27/28. It is natural that living creatures put on some weight when they are older. It is due to evolution. You need some fat for emergencies. if you have had cats you know they get rounder with age.
The fact is that nobody can make money out of this. It is the food industry which is responsible for an altogether unrealistic view on aging, looks and food.
Leave you friends alone and enjoy their company!

Intelligent, yes, well off, no. They spend a huge proportion of their income on food, alcohol and cigarettes. As far as he is concerned, his parents were restaurateurs, his grandparents hoteliers, so he is used to good food, it is his main pleasure in life and his right, as he sees it. She is a very good cook, I would have thought that she could conjure up something really nice with her knowledge. I was hoping that I could come up with something that would give them both some incentive, but I shan't try any longer. Maybe one day he won't be able to fit in his canoe, that would do it.

janerowena It is not food addiction. They are not constantly stuffing their faces with any food they can lay their hands on 24 hours a day. They are choosing to eat a rich diet containing good quality ingredients which are cooked well. They are gourmands. Cauliflower Cheese with the sauce made with cream and eggs is a sauce your friend has developed for herself to make this recipe. You are very unlikely to see a recipe like that in any cook book.

We are not our brother's (or sister's keeper). It may be difficult for you but if that is the way they choose to live, knowing the dangers, a short life expectancy is the risk they have consciously chosen.

If I was doing anything I would be looking for the psychological reason to explain why your friends have adapted such an aggressively destructive life style. They are presumably intelligent people with an income to sustain a lifestyle that can include bountiful purchases of food, alcohol and cigarettes.

Indeed- what I was trying to say, poorly (again)- is that being slim is not NECESSARILY being healthy- if what is keeping one slim is very un-healthy, be it due to smoking, slimming drugs or even very poor diet and obsessive dieting. Slimming can, for some people, and if done too quickly, be very dangerous with someone with heart problems. Something OH has tried to explain to some friends, who also refused to listen.

Agree that in your friends case- it sounds that there are many problems combining in a recipe for disaster - and that there is little you can do.

I suppose their/my problem is that the food addiction, which is causing their illnesses, is visible. They do smoke loads and it doesn't work to make them slim! What's worse, one of their sons died of lung cancer from smoking so much at a very young age, but it hasn't stopped them. They are both just 70, and it's a longer life than many have, I can see that.

At least they do not pretend and are not in denial- as so many very over-weight people are, who claim they do 'not eat a thing'.

Some people keep slim by smoking loads, or over- exercising to addiction levels, etc.

Sad but true.

We didn't put double cream in cauliflower cheese when I did my cookery exam at school in the 50s! They sound like a jolly couple and are already in their 70s, they enjoy life which is what a lot of people dieting don't do.

If they go early which need not be the case as overweight people aften live quite long lives then it is their choice. They sound like nice friends to have.
Enjoy their company and cooking if they invite you.

Could they have a food addiction?

Your friends know the score. If they choose to take no action that is entirely their business. Just enjoy their company while they are still around. If they were unaware of the connection between size, health and what you eat, the situation would be different.

I had a friend who was a smoker. To be fair, she knew the dangers and did attempt to cut back, but never managed to entirely kick the habit, not even when two members of her family died of smoking associated cancers.

She knew I hated cigarette smoke, it gives me migraine, and I rarely saw her smoke but I never said anything direct about stopping smoking. We were close friends and I knew she knew the score.

She died aged 64 from lung cancer. All my saying anything would have done was undermine our friendship, which continued to the end.

Well, I just give up, I suppose I knew all along that I would have to. I shall ignore all the facebook photos of meals, hide them as they appear, I think I shall limit myself to the odd question as to which cake is best for a diabetic when we go out for afternoon tea! I am only human, after all... And it is better than banging their heads together, after all.

Just... don't go there friends.
You are worth more than double cream, eggs, wine and so much more.
Size 12 awaits...

But cheese is just the biz!

If you say so, absent.

very not vey.

Just a vey rich Béchamel sauce, not an omelette.

It sounds like a cauliflower and cheese omelette to me!

I have to say that Cauliflower cheese made with double cream and eggs sounds wonderful.

Didn't realise immortality was an option! Not everyone wants to I've long enough to end up in a care home at 90. Something will get you in the end. Fit as a fiddle and lost to Alzheimers, it's no better. We all have to choose our own paths even if others find them frustrating. Lovely people? Enjoy their company & respect their choices however bewildering you find them.

I agree re bone china, I will only drink tea out of bone china mugs. Someone once gave us stainless steel wine goblets - that was foul.

They were both in hospital for a couple of weeks each last year. That's why I'm worried. Him with heart problems and her with diabetes. They were both so upset and worried about each other - but now they seem to have wiped it all from their minds. I have said to her, how can you let him eat that much when you know he has to diet? She said exactly what I know she is feeling about herself, that no matter what she says to him, or what she feeds him, he will just go and get his food fix elsewhere if she doesn't give it to him. So the reality is that just as I have to accept that they won't change their ways, they have had to accept that from each other. They didn't even manage a week. She tried one of those electronic cigarettes but went back to real ones, he wouldn't even try. They tried to cut back on alcohol and ended up with liqueur on ice creams and port in trifles.

I have accepted that there is nothing I can do or say, I just don't entirely understand why they seem so ready to kill themselves off just yet. They have family and lots of friends, a nice home and garden and lots of interests. Maybe they think they are immortal.

jingl, I keep reading it like that too...

Nah Merlot- wine taste really horrible out of pottery goblets!
It is amazing how much the material of the container can affect the taste. I used to take the Mik out of my mil, because she would only drink tea from China cups, and not earthenware- but I do just the same now- mugs, but China mugs, for both coffee and tea (which I have weak, no milk, no sugar)- it tastes totally different.

BTW my mum smoked heavily from the age of 16- and was still smoking, albeit less, by the time she died aged 94. It did affect her legs though, and she was lucky not to have them amputated (as my bil's mum's legs, 1 then the other, due to smoking). My parents were very frugal and careful eaters- and did lots of sport- but they always had a glass of red wine with lunch and dinner- always.

I wish I could stop seeing the title of this thread as "Good friends who won't die".