Bereavement and Counselling

So sorry for your loss dusty, it must have been a terrible shock

Alie and dusty - how are you both?

Head above water, thank you Lucky but then I've got DD1 and her family staying for another 5 days and that helps immensely.

It's so good that you've got that support dusty.

Dusty, glad you have family there. It helps when I can see mine.
I wish my other daughter would keep in touch, but don't know if she will.

....counselling on Thursday last and I still am working through what came up....a lot of annoyance at that social worker, but don't know what I can do. Not wanting to alienate her. She went and told one of KN's brothers that she was worried about him. Why?
Have been near to tears a lot.

I am sorry that the whole SW thing is proving so problematical Alie. You really do not need this. Best to go with the flow as long as it is heading your way and the way that is best for them all. I am sure you are all worried about K and the children. They have a lot of adjusting to do. I hope the tears help you.

to you both.

Allie I hope the counselling is helping, it isn't an easy process is it. I understand your upset about the sw having told one of his brother's she's worried about KN. is it possible that a relatively innocent comment from the sw has been taken out of context and mis reported? I'm not saying this is what happened but we've all experienced this happening and it's particularly horrible when emotions are raw. x

I don't know, Iam.

Well, I was supposed to go to Oxford today, but I got a text from K saying '...ill in bed, can't do today'.....so I have been trying to catch up on other things instead and moping a bit.
Hoping his sister L is there. Tried to ring just now but didn't get through, so sent a text but no ans yet....I am worrying about him.

Does someone take over the care of the baby Alie or don't you know that? It must be a worry to you as if you didn't have enough. Life can be very difficult as I am finding to my cost just now.

It must be worrying for you wondering how he is getting on today. Things must all be a big challenge for him. I hope you hear from him soon.

It is a w/e, so either of his sisters could be there and I know L was supposed to be coming, was looking forward to seeing her.... like any parent, he can't stay in bed unless someone is there....

K is still ill. SW visit will be put off. Can't visit.....

I have been making frustrating phone calls about the death certificate for 1967 that I ordered. So far the GRO have returned my payment twice, and now I find, looking on Ancestry at the image, that what I thought was a mistranscription (wrong first name) is actually a mistake in the record originally!

This will take ages to sort out.

Last week I wrote to the woman who is running an information site on Gitelmans' syndrome, sending her my sheet about what happened to my daughter.
Yesterday I received a very sympathetic letter, saying she would like to put Jayne's story online on her site, which is what I was hoping......it won't bring her back, but may warn others with the syndrome who don't have severe symptoms that they should be careful to take their medication..........

Alie I do hope that you will get a tiny crumb of comfort from knowing that although you can't get your DD back, you might possibly save someone else going through the experience themselves by your warning.

The only thing I can do.

Alie That was a very thoughtful thing to do and must have been very hard for you to actually write down - or perhaps it was also a little therapeutic. I don't know if it matters to you if your names are used, but, if it does, you could ask the lady to anonymise the story when it goes online?

Yes, Mouse I have made slight alterations so that only first names and initial would be used, which seems enough to me. It was a most sympathetic letter.
She offered to put me in touch with another family who lost a daughter, but I'm not sure I am ready, it is all still too raw.

Re certificate, GRO will respond within 5 days...............

I am glad the website is going to put the story up. It could be a lifesaver for some. Well done.

Counselling today. I talked about insecurity and feeling unsafe...this goes right back to my childhood in the war....I was evacuated to my grandparents' house for about 9 months....what I remember in my childhood is that the grownups were scared.
If they were scared, then there was really something to be afraid of. But of course i had really no idea what it was , then.

Now, feeling that if my daughter could be taken away just like that, then anything could happen.

Alie I suspect the suddenness of it all, inevitably, reminds us of our own mortality and fragility. I suppose it's something that we just have to face and accept. (I hope that doesn't sound harsh, it isn't meant to!) You're dealing with so much at the moment that all emotions and worries are probably magnified tenfold and rational thought goes out of the window. I'm sure it's all perfectly normal and just your brain's way of getting round to rationalising a changed situation.

Even small changes in our lives can be unsettling and frightening, especially when we're older, so it's not surprising you're unnerved at the moment.

Any update on how K is doing?

Yes Mouse I just managed to get him on the phone....a bit better and is going to take baby K for a walk when sister R gets back with him.
Seeing him Sunday, hopefully.

You are perfectly right, of course.

I am thinking of writing out a card for myself:
YOU ARE HERE
YOU ARE ALIVE
GET ON WITH IT
- and look after yourself!

I think the last item "look after yourself" is very important. You do indeed have to "get on with it", but also to cut yourself a bit of slack and not feel you must try to be superhuman. You have faced a huge loss and need to treat yourself gently.

That's good news about K. A little less worrying for you.

Luckyg is absolutely right! Take care of You. It's all too easy to 'keep going' when what you really need is to try to switch off and take some time out for yourself (pots and kettles spring to mind here .....)

Enjoy your time with K and the baby on Sunday.

I was so down when the counsellor left, even though she tried to bring me up a bit at the end, then I talked to K and it really cheered me!

(I bought myself a new plant.)

Only one plant Alie?! That was incredibly restrained of you I'm a hopeless case when it comes to plants and have to be dragged away from garden centres. In fact, I've now banned myself, as I know I'm not to be trusted! Even worse, if I get near the Sale plants, I just have to rescue some poor wilty, bedraggly plant and bring it home to nurture it! My last mission involved three streptocarp/uses/i, reduced from £6.99 each to £1.00 each. With a bit of tlc and a drop of water they've flowered all summer and I've snipped off some leaves for cuttings!