Substance abuse - how do I deal with it?

I think there is good advice here Marelli but it is going to be difficult for you. We never do stop worrying do about them do we. All you can do is be there if he needs you. (((hugs)))

We'll always do our utmost for them, won't we, jingl?
He's having to deal with the guilt of his behaviour over the years, and how it's affected others. I was awake quite a bit during the night, and of course, things are always worse in the wee small hours.
They make choices, our children, and I know that we can't tell them that they're making the wrong ones - and expect them to follow our lead. Not when they've moved away and leading their own lives, anyway.
I know I have to try and come to terms with how things are, and allow what might happen, just happen. There are things we just have no control over. My son worries that I worry. He says it makes him feel worse, so I put on a brave face and pretend I'm fine - 'Not waving, but drowning.' Not as bad as that, really - though it feels like that, sometimes!

I think like previous posters that you can't blame yourself for doing the best you could at the time. And he is 44. Sometimes however much we love our children we have to realise they are not our children but fully fledged adults and detach for our own mental health. Not truly possible I know butfor you

Marelli I think Glamma's right. It does sound as though he's dealing with it with the help of his friend. Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You have done a sterling job. You have always been there for him. Many people would not have done that, but like Glam says, they are always our babies and always will be. Chin up Missis. x

glamma, I suggested he saw a counsellor again, but he said there was no need. I think that speaking with his friend, who has also come through the mill, will help, but I cannot see him ever being alright, if you know what I mean. Then I think to myself, why did I not realise that problems were starting when he was in his teens. It's too late now to turn the clock back.

MarelliAt least your son is talking to you about it which is a positive sign and also to his friend so he is accepting he needs help,it sounds as though he was also coping with the habits of his previous partner which would have been a massive strain and not helped him one bit,poor chap.
Can you get more information as to how you can help from his councillor and maybe attend meeting with him or does he want to go it alone,I feel for you as they are always our children however old they are.((hugs)) glamma x