Life advice

I would advise her to seek professional assistance. I know a few people in a controlling relationship - little is rarely done.

luckyducky Either she has got into bad habits of always doing what he wants or the husband himself could be an awkward controlling so and so.

This would make his behaviour is emotional abuse.

I would suggest you gently keep trying to gain her confidence to talk about what is really going on and actually ask her if he has ever been controlling or aggressive. or if she feels he is always putting her down, has she ever felt frightened of him, or has he ever hit her.

If the situation has been continuing for 40 years or more she's not going to be able to change dramatically overnight. And is it all his fault - you don't say, and maybe can't, but it might not all be one-sided. Some people learn to be doormats as children watching their parents. Or maybe it's a habit that he thinks she's happy with? She should consider depression, IMO. Otherwise, I'd encourage her to take little steps towards improving her situation, one positive change builds on another...

This thread has a duplicate -I commented on that.

This was what I wrote on the "duplicate" thread, I wonder if GNHQ can do clever stuff and merge them?

"Good advice, but whether she will be able to follow it remains to be seen. Can you offer her support or point her towards support groups?
I think the one thing I would hesitate about is the anti depressants. She is depressed for a reason and addressing that reason seems preferable to just seeking help in medication.
Therapy or counselling should do more for her self esteem as would the companionship of friends. If she is a church-goer, her vicar/minister/priest would certainly be someone to turn to.
However I question where CAB come in, unless there are financial issues involved.
You have made a good start with her, can you include her in the odd coffee/lunch/tea at a Garden Centre (maybe not earth shattering, but most of us enjoy those!)
What you describe is sadly very very common among women of our age.
(I don't think "daring" comes into it, it was a kind and caring response to her situation")

Tysm for responding. Going into the nitty-gritty isn't something I can do in public. I meant "daring" for her - not me.

Thank you to all who responded whitewave nellie, and mollie

Given me food for thought.

not appreciated then?
Ah well, tried.