non stop talking

when my mother tells one of her stories she tells what she wore that day, what the weather was like, who she met, where she went and before she gets to the point I just want to scream 'just get to the point will you'. I could shake her, will she ever change.

I sometimes tell her about other older people who never stop talking and she will say, in a maudlin voice, 'ahhh but shes 80, poor soul'. That seems to be the general idea that if you get to be 80 you can say what you like. Shouldn't the normal rules of good manners be kept no matter what age someone is.

I know someone who can "Talk for England" Once when I was out from the house I phoned her for a quick chat on
my mobi. I was listening to her for so long
my batteriy died

Rubylady I am with you on this one I too tend to talk more or less non stop and over the years I have made some lovely friends who were once strangers and I won't change either take me or leave me it's the way I am.

There seems to be a real divide between people who wish to engage with others and who ask questions, listen and contribute to talk but know when to stop and those who just want an audience on whom to 'vent'. I had a meeting with some retired work friends and of the four of us one took up about ninety per cent of the conversation despite our all wanting to hear about everyone's news. This speaker used to hold forth at work and never give anyone else a look in and I was forcibly reminded about how bored, annoyed and angry I used to get having my attention mugged when I wanted to hear what everyone had to say, not just her. I am married to a lovely chap who, if not reminded, can launch into a stream of non stop anecdotes about himself and his own life going back over forty years. He has managed to put several potential friends off by doing this!

I have jokingly now got the '30 year rule' for a time limitation on anecdotes and remind him that you talk for 30 seconds and then stop as it is your interlocutor's turn. Not that this stops him!

What I wonder is whether bores realise that they are not as amusing as they think they are and that their assumption that they are more interesting than the company in which they find themselves is generally wrong.

I am commenting generally here as I guess your mother is a lovely person really.

elena, you made your point the first time. With all her faults, this lady is still ethel's mum and she obviously loves her. And knows all her good points too, which the rest of us don't!

She might be kind hearted. But she's also rude, thoughtless and not very nice! Thinking that everyone likes her ramblings and thinks she is a character makes it sound like she is selfish and self centred too

And she makes fun of your failings? She's a real darling, isn't she? Blimey. Now is the time to stop putting up with her!

It's not expensive to use a mobile these days. But whatever. You can still switch off your answering machine.

I know that underneath she is the kindest person on earth, she just thinks that everyone likes to listen to her and likes being a 'character'.
She likes to make fun of my failings but perhaps I have not been strong enough to stop her. I just like a peaceful life. btw she wont use her mobile, says its too expensive.

ethel, your mum does not sound like a very nice person. It's rude and thoughtless to go on and on and on, without a genuine dialogue. I would be telling her this, myself, old age or not old age. And if it didn't work, I'd keep on telling her, and walk away if she droned on and on.

One thing you could do would be to switch the answering machine off.

We no longer use ours - not because of loquacious family, but because of our mobiles. If anyone really, really has to speak to us, they can call or text. No need to leave messages.

I find that after living alone for 3 years, I like the peace and when I come home from listening to anyone, not just my mother, I don't switch on tv, I just sit quietly and relax. I don't think I am a particularly endless talker, I like to listen to others too.

Well I feel a bit better now I know there are many others. Husband is a nonstop talker, it seems as if he's thinking aloud and it comes out in a stream. He does let me get a word in sometimes though.
Also my best friend, but with her I think it's because her husband tells her to shut up if she gets going.
But with both of them, it's often interesting, and I'm not a big talker myself anyway.

My mum's sister was like that. She talked to the end of the incoming message tape on my Ansafone once. On another occasion, she was talking to a friend on the phone when my mum went to work one morning, and was still on the same phone call when she came home.

Oh dear, I sometimes feel I'm heading that way too! My sister and I used to be fairly quiet, mainly because our mother rarely let anyone else get a word in edgeways, and yes, she would talk to anyone, often about family matters and many a time about us when we were standing next to her, cringing with embarrassment. But she was never aggressive and was often entertaining with it. I have to say I'd give a lot to hear her chattering happily away now.

My MIL tells all and sundry variations of her life story ad nauseum. You'd think she won the war singlehandedly. My DH cringes when she lauds his achievements , many of which are made up, to complete strangers. She is also incredibly rude and aggressive in shops, poking staff with her walking stick to get attention. She can't stand silences so fills them with minute details of her day, what she thinks of anyone, gossip about people no one knows she is talking about, horrible racist comments about neighbours etc., never listens to anyone else. I don't think it is all an age thing, she has always been aggressive and rude,particularly to members of her family.

I have listened with interest to the comments and I can see some similarities with my situation. It is not easy. I have tried to ask her quietly not to chatter all the time but she says people like her.

Also she is most indiscrete, if I am ill or DD is ill for example she is off on the phone telling her group of friends. I don't like this, she tells me stuff that should be kept private such as when her friends have been to the doctors, she tells me everything the doctor has said to them, Im sure they would not like me to know this. I always insist that she says nothing when I tell her stuff. Don't know if it works though

Commiserations ?
My FIL was an expert at this, most famously managing to talk non-stop for the whole 4 and a half hour journey from the Royal Show; trapped in the car I had a migraine by the time we got there and told DH that unless he told his father to shut up I would get the train home.
It was pure torture......

I left DM and DMIL together one morning when I had to go out; when I got back DM looked exhausted (she was not well) and whispered that DMIL had not stopped talking all the time I had been out - about 3 hours!
DMIL told me brightly that she had been 'keeping your mother company'.

But you do not talk to everybody, only those you know
I talk to people I don't know in shops sometimes, depends if we are both looking at the same thing and catch one another's eye!

My Mil and Sil would sit side by side on the sofa and talk simultaneously the whole time. Neither listened to the other and both of them wanting to be the one telling the story. It was like a comedy sketch! If I said I can't follow both of you talking at once, they would look surprised, shrug their shoulders and carry on. Often the TV would be on as well.
No wonder I used to come away with a headache.
And I never got a word in edgeways!

I have a sister in law who is notorious for her verbal diarrhoea. We love her to bits, but when she's on the phone, or even face to face with you, a two way conversation is all but impossible, so you just give up and listen. I could say "oh dear, DH has just fallen out of the window" and she would hardly miss a step before continuing with what she'd been going on about. I marvel at how much she actually finds to say! I think it stems from the fact that she has lived on her own for a good bit of her life, although she has a large social circle. She has always been like this, but we have noticed lately that she is repeating things a lot, and her manner towards the people who live around her can be slightly more abrasive than usual. We are tryng not to read too much into this other than old age!

ethel, could it be an early sign that your mother is developing dementia? Dementia isn't just forgetfulness, it can present in many different ways, including the behaviour you describe with the aggression and feeling she has a 'right' to air her views regardless of how other people respond and talking on and on regardless of other people.

It wasn't too much talking with my mother but more inappropriate language. She didn't swear but seemed to come out with more racist statements as she aged. I think it was a generational thing but there were times I could cheerfully have dragged her out of shops. She thought nothing of going to the 'P...s' to pay her papers and the little hardware store had been known to her for decades as the 'J.. boys' (I do apologise most sincerely for any offence caused) She was oblivious to the inappropriateness.

btw, she ahs to have tests soon and I think she has cancer so I know I will be so guilty for discussing this on here but it does help to tell someone. Apart from talking she is the most generous person on earth and a really good Great gran.

I do tend to switch off from time to time, the two things that really cause arguments are when I have a visitor, I usually ask her along and she monopolises the conversation to the point that everyone is sneaking glances at the clock, and I feel invisible. I have tried to point out that conversation is a two way thing but as she has hearing problem, she cannot hear anyones replies so she just trundles on with one of her stories until she runs out of steam. Boxing day, I had a visitor and she hadn't seen him for a year, so he got stuck with her update of all her happenings for three hours, when he went away she fell asleep and woke at 11 oclock when she immediately went home (two doors away). I felt like Id had no company that day.
The other thing is that her main subject is how useless I am, Im a bad cook, accident prone etc and she tells everyone about me, I have got into the habit of playing up to her for a laugh but underneath I feel hurt.

So are you saying that if there are two people in a house who argue a lot, they do not talk when they go out?

I have had experience of this with friends and relations, and have found one factor in common. People who talk alot usually live alone.The reason some cannot be argued with is - they have no one at home to tell them if they are right or wrong. So alot of the time they assume they are in the right. There is no one in the house to disagree or tell them any different.

I have a friend who lives alone and when we meet up she talks alot but I do not mind, sometimes she can go for days without seeing anyone. There are no family nearby and she never married.