I have been to visit some very good friends today. I hadn't seen them for a while while I was dealing with my dad and his death but felt strong enough today to visit. I was told that the husband, a beautiful, kind, gentle man of 66 years, has only 6 weeks to live. We talked a bit about his condition (cancer) and about his wishes and I talked to his wife about what she would have to do when he dies as she has no clue and no one has told her. The MacMillan nurse is going tomorrow for the first time so she might help where that is concerned. He wants to die at home, she is determined to nurse him to the end.
When I got divorced and was forced to move into council property, this wonderful couple and their fantastic family rallied round us all and made us feel so welcome, to the area, to the street and in their lives. That was in 2001. They became our family. When things got tough with my own family, they were there with the kettle on and a shoulder to cry on. And we have done some laughing together too over the years, we have partied together, gone through difficult times together and helped each other in many ways. The husband is a fanatic for Christmas, decorating the house, tree, buying the presents, food, cooking, entertaining. He has a heart of gold. Why do all the good ones get taken down? It is creasing me up this news. How do I now cope with losing another important person in my life? I need to know and then I can go and visit without breaking down in front of him.
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ruby I'm so sorry. So much emotional turmoil in such a short space of time. 
I'm very sorry, Rubylady.
It's very soon for you Ruby, after your dad an' all. And you'll want to give them support, but remember the airline safety rule ........ First fasten your own oxygen mask before helping others. Look after yourself Ruby
Ditto the above Ruby .
We are always here on GN with support and 
You have had a shock.
Sometimes people get time to process it, but unfortunately, not much time this time.
If you can, I would concentrate on this event, and lower prioritise other things, like housework!
That way you will know that you did your best, both to them, and to yourself.
I would go visit them on days that you feel stronger.
Perhaps you could write them a note as well? People tend to read and reread them.
So sorry to hear of yet more sadness rubylady
What an awful year you are having Ruby first your dad and now this other gentleman. It's so sad when you lose kind nice people.
I still mourn my dear dad who died in 1988. He had all the virtues I want and he is a hard act to follow.
Don't keep away from your friends for fear of breaking down. I visited a friend whose husband died in a car crash and sobbed for half an hour, my friend comforted me and we have remained close friends ever since.
Life can be so cruel. You sound the sort of friend I would want in a crisis.
You and your friend's family have my sincere sympathy, rubylady. Sometimes the loss of a friend can seem the last straw on our own "camel's back " of grief, but it can also be an opportunity to let go of some of the feelings which accompany bereavement.
My example is that of my oldest school friend in Scotland whose father died suddenly almost exactly 12 months before mine. Three months later her mother had a massive stroke from which she never recovered, but spent weeks in hospital and then several months in a nursing home where she was still at the time of my father's death (at 88 and dare I say, "wanting" to go, as mum had predeceased him by 5 years)
Anyway my friend K came to the service and was absolutely distraught to the point where when asked back afterwards, was too upset to come. Talking it over quietly some days later on our own we realised that she had not had the time to fully mourn her father, to whom she was close, because of the circumstances of her mother's stroke and the ongoing stress of her care. My father's funeral had opened the floodgates and it wasn't just sadness for me or for my loss, but at last she was able to truly grieve for her own dad. . She admitted it had helped her because she realised that she had been feeling guilty because she had not had the time or focus to let the grieving process take its course.
Thank you so much NanKate, that is a beautiful thing to say and has cheered me up, thank you. 
You are so right Alea, I do think that we run around sorting things out that we have little time to think about things and then something will spark it off. I am glad that your friend found a release to her grief and was able to get it off her chest so to speak. It sits on you and in you and after a good cry it becomes a little less tight on the chest and throat and breathing is eased.
I got visited last night by my dad in a dream, which was comforting and from what he said (he was very insightful), he told me to deal with my own life and to be careful of taking other people's problems on too much. Very wise words and much needed. It was the first time I had been visited by him since he died so I do hope he comes to me again sometime.
I have contacted the care home today where he died. I wanted to speak to the vicar who said a few words to him just as he died. I am probably looking for some comfort but seeing as my DS is back to wanting to be with his friends and I don't have my siblings to share stories etc., then maybe I am trying to connect with someone who brought him comfort at his hour of need, meaning it will comfort me too. Also I only have my sister's account for how he passed so I would like to hear it from the vicar too as she might not be as harsh as how my sister worded it.
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