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Health

Getting older

(82 Posts)
Nibbie Fri 08-Jul-16 14:19:08

For as long as I can remember I have had a dread of getting old,I was a nurse for many years and looked after many elderly people and had to keep reminding myself that I was seeing the poorly elderly and for each one of them there were many enjoying life to the full.Last night my husband and I were watching ( on catch up ) Matron medicine and me,this episode was about care of the elderly in the community,loneliness and dementiaand how things have changed over the years but I went to bed feeling very depressed about the future.
Am I alone in fearing what the future holds? ?

harrysgran Sun 10-Jul-16 15:48:22

I don't think you are alone I worry that one day I will have to depend on others it's a scary thought I sometimes wonder how I'd cope without my independence it also frightens me when you see programs about residents being cruelly treat in care homes.

GandTea Sun 10-Jul-16 15:48:49

Annsixty, you are trying to upset me -- A Tiptree Jam I have not tried ? or do you mean "Little scarlet" ?
If it is "Little Gem" I shall be there asap to try a jar.

Strawberries in full swing atm, whole village smell of strawberry jam.

BlueBelle Sun 10-Jul-16 16:12:36

We re all different I can't bear the feeling of not being able to do so much not being so efficient I am still 'doing' I ve just painted the garden fence but I can feel my world shrinking and I don't like it I dread it getting any smaller. I still feel young in my head but get reminded of getting less of the person I was bit by bit ..... I have an elderly friend who has stubbornly decided to stay in her home in her bed with careers popping in three times a day for 15 min slots she has no family she has chosen to have no tv and she eats very poorly she lies there day and night without even a nice view she has been there for over a year .......... But that's a living death

annsixty Sun 10-Jul-16 16:13:08

blush I did mean "little Scarlet" I haven't tried lettuce with my croissants yet. Although always a first time.

Tegan Sun 10-Jul-16 16:18:47

I'm still wanting to find a jar of Little Scarlet...

Lewlew Sun 10-Jul-16 16:25:52

Yay for Annsixty! Fear of anything (taking risks, illness, old age, whatever) is our natural response to self-preservation and should be listened to to stay safe or fight or run. The trick is not to let that fear determine your state of mind.

Modern life is so much about predicting and controlling, and so if we are not seen to be able to do those things, then we are weak. Well, IMHO you just need to go with the flow.

I worry about the younger generation today. They are much more afraid of getting older than the baby-boomers as youth is everything, eg note the thousands of products to put in and on your body or do to it to keep it young.

As for me, "do not go gentle in that good-night"!

Disgruntled Sun 10-Jul-16 16:30:18

Hello Nibbie and welcome! My advice would be to unplug the tv, or at least be more selective about what you watch. ? We're all in our 20s aren't we? (Actually, that might
be interesting, to ask how old everyone feels). Oops, just finished work for the day and have had a gulp of lager and I don't know how to get rid of that gap.....

GandTea Sun 10-Jul-16 16:50:26

Tegran. little scarlet strawberries are whet they say very small, it takes many (don't ask me how many please) to make a jar. Some seasons there are just not enough to meet demand. In fact I believe that last year was so poor that not many jars got outside the factory shop.
This year seems much better for strawberries , so here's hoping for a better crop.
All the Little Scarletts are grown on the Tiptree farm. They are awful to pick, backbreaking work.
Several of their jams never get outside the factory shop as so little is made, Mulberry for instance. Always on the lookout for something different.

GandTea Sun 10-Jul-16 16:55:02

Then again they might be going here instead grin

Swanny Sun 10-Jul-16 17:22:06

My fear about what the future holds is that there won't be enough of it for me! I retired and moved house at 62 to be near family and the last 6 years have flown past. I've made more good friends than I ever did in the previous 30 years and love having so much contact with my only DGC. I keep in mind Jenny Joseph's splendid poem and actually bought a red beret when I was 60 - seem to have misplaced it though now confused. I give myself a treat by having my nails shellac polished regularly, always a different colour as I now hate to be predictable. I spent too many years being the same old boring stuck-in-a rut me and I want to enjoy the rest of my life, whatever it brings.

I can remember saying to a work colleague that I had a fear of becoming an incontinent old biddy with no sense of smell but I now feel I could cope with that and my new friends would tell me if I didn't!

What was that song of in the 50s - Que sera, sera? Whatever will be, will be and that's how I view life now. I keep body and brain as active as possible and with apologies to Dylan Thomas, do not intend to go silently into the night.

Swanny Sun 10-Jul-16 17:24:12

Just seen your post LewLew - snap!

Solitaire Sun 10-Jul-16 17:39:25

Thank you GandTea I'm now on the outlook for that liqueur. Might be difficult here in the North as it's probably highjacked before it travels this far!

Sylvie1 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:53:32

I am new to the site and never been any any sort of social media site before so please bear with me. I am just turned 70 and it is not so much the thought of growing old that worries me, more the being alone. My DH has just started to have health issues and with several younger family members passing away in the last year it brings it home to you how vulnerable we all are. I am lucky to have a DS and DD and two lovely GC's but they are all so very busy with their own lives. My DH has always been a little anti-social in respect of wanting us to go out as a couple and on holidays the same. I had a life threatening illness 11 years ago and came through to see my DGC borne and so consider myself very fortunate and thankful for these 11 and hopefully many more years. I hope the fears that we have are worse then the reality.

Marion6 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:09:16

I'm 67 next birthday and the thought of getting old terrifies me.

GandTea Sun 10-Jul-16 18:20:19

Getting old is fine, plenty of fun, sex, drugs, rock 'n roll, can't be all bad.
It's dying that scares the shit out of me.

petalmoore Sun 10-Jul-16 18:25:20

Jenny Joseph is a friend of my 86-year-old aunt, and I thought you might be interested to know that hat she was in her thirties when she wrote that poem. She's 84 now; I googled her and the photos that came up show her wearing quite 'sensible-looking' clothes, though the photos are in black and white so I can't tell what colour her cardigans are, though.
As for how old I feel, I always feel like myself. Since I'm 66, this must be what being 66 feels like. But it isn't what I'd have imagined 66 would feel like when I was ten, or even 33. I reckon I feel old, since I only have 10 days to go before I reach my two-thirds of a century milestone. And today is our ruby wedding anniversary - I remember thinking it was a miracle my grandparents had lasted that long in 1959 when they celebrated theirs! Fascinating to see how perspectives change as one travels along the path of life ...

Diddy1 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:33:31

I am very fortunate, soo to be 75, and not feeling at all that old, I have good health, apart from a bit of stiffness getting out of bed, I am grateful for all of this, but do sometimes thing of what the fuure holds, I would love to achieve the ripe old age of my Parents who were 92, and 85, but its no use worrying about the future, just enjoy the present, which is great, I loved the tip about the G and T excellent suggestion.

winifred01 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:43:49

I am just 80 years old. Feel fit and think I still have all my marbles. Have a lovely life,family who care and enough money to live comfortably. Consider myself very fortunate. Try to eat sensibly and will be at the gym tomorrow. Meanwhile enjoying a G+ T.!

mcculloch29 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:49:12

I've got quite severe arthritis at 58, so I already have the immobility of old age. Luckily I am able to work from home, as retirement is a very very long way off.

My daughter has said she would rather be senile than immobile, which seemed odd to me but she is an extremely active person, as I once was.

My Mum was physically very active right up to her death from leukaemia at just 67, 25 years ago. Mum had been a geriatric nurse, and had an absolute dread of senility. Her early death at least spared her that.

So we have had a real range of views within the family. I try to look after myself and keep as well as I can within the limits of my disability ( I have lifelong mild cerebral palsy as well as arthritis).

Living with the concerns of today stops me worrying about the future.

Blinko Sun 10-Jul-16 19:22:31

There are several posters I don't recall having met before, so welcome to you all. I'm approaching 70, still fairly active, just a bit stiff in the mornings getting moving. Is that a forerunner to arthritis, I wonder? Anyway, I feel very fortunate and hope to have another 20 or so years ahead. Health permitting, of course. Enjoying the Pimms and strawberries at the mo smile

oldgoose Sun 10-Jul-16 19:37:54

I try to 'go with the flow' and take each day at a time. I'm in my 60's now, but I can remember my aunt saying'when you get past 60 you are 'the dying age'. She lived to 86 so it's good to say that her theory dosn't have much substance.
My cousin is 75 and she's amazing. She still work for 20 hours a week in a call centre, she is trim and lively, laughs a lot and she has had her share of heartbreak in the past and now lives alone. But she dresses really well, has her hair done, wears a little make up and at family parties she is ususally one of the first on the dance floor. She was a model in her younger days so maybe that helps, but she is now MY role-model. If she can do it, so can I.

chrissyh Sun 10-Jul-16 20:11:27

The trouble is nibbie, you can spend so much time worrying about the future that you forget to enjoy the present.

etheltbags1 Sun 10-Jul-16 20:14:42

I'm scared too, not so much about getting old but of illness. I hate being dependant upon anyone

Diddy1 Sun 10-Jul-16 20:24:09

I wrote earlier today, then thought of problem which I hope other Grans can help me with. I have a Daughter who has two girls,and a Son who has two boys, the question is who do I leve what to? I dont have any expensive things, but most things are for girls, so how do I make it fair, pictures etc can be divided equally, but I have my Granfathers medals from WW1 and a letter from King George after my Grandfather was prisoner of War,plus a framed photo of my Grandfather, these are not valuable as such, but have sentimental value. My Mothers jewellery, again not expensive but lovely to keep would boys like anything apart from the WW1 articles? this is a dilemma, I am hoping to be around for some time yet, but it bothers me as to how to do best, and fairly.My own things arent valuable either, but i would like the right person to inherit these, please could someone help me, I would be so grateful,thank you.This is my worry about the future

petra Sun 10-Jul-16 21:05:33

Diddy1 Talk to the family now you might be surprised at what people want and what they don't. My late MIL did this before she developed dementia.