is it worth it?

Thankyou, Aslemma, for that reassurance. What you suggested is what I have been doing since the LPAs were set up but somehow, reading all the posts, I had doubts. But you're absolutely right, I'll stop worrying!

BlueBelle this is such a sensitive subject and each family so different I don't want to decry any point of view. My family were in exactly the same position as yours and it was traumatic. I hope you and your family found peace as mine did.

Christinefrance as a Nan to two grandkids who saw their dad die from cancer at ages 4 and 6, I can truely say three months is not a figure needed.....the children can be prepared can be helped over ANY period and they will still grieve as their individual personalities allow them to, if someone is given a terminal prognosis there is normally a few months between this and their death it would be rare to die the next day .......Indeed imagine how you 'prepare' a child for their parents immediate death by accident or war
A parents death is the biggest trauma a child will ever have nothing else can compare and whether it's one week or three months the work done with the child is crucial.......life and death has to be dictated by the disease/accident a lot of expense to stall it by a few weeks should not be necessary

It is far more burdensome for your children if you don't have LPAs, both for financial matters and for health/life matters etc. Once they have been set up you can forget about them and simply get om with your life, knowing that your family (or friends) can deal with whatever may become necessary., whilst still hoping to die of old age in your bed without either of the LPAs needing to be invoked.

What a huge variety of posts and opinions. I found reading these opinions really helpful in working out how I felt and in informing my ignorance - I had never heard of hospice support at home. As someone said, one size doesn't fit all and I hope when the time comes I will be able to decide what's best for me. My DH and I have LPAs. Does anyone worry these might prove to be burdensome to our children/whoever has power of attorney? That has just occurred to me reading these posts.

I personally would prefer not to have treatment, the side effects are horrendous in many cases. I would prefer some quality of life.

My DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer, however he was too weak to withstand chemo or radio therapy so we didn't have to make the decision. He was given 8 months to live but sadly died just over 2 months later.

I believe age & family circumstances make a difference to the choice we & our family make.

I agree Bluebell "just because we can doesn't mean we should".
I've always thought we should attach more importance to quality of life than quantity. An extra few weeks of extreme pain and misery? No thank you, I wouldn't want that for me or my nearest and dearest.
I think we should all be encouraged to make a living will and the doctors should have to respect that. The Hypocratic Oath was all very well in simpler times but idea of preserving life at all costs is no longer appropriate now that technology can do so much, including keeping you alive as a vegetable or when (as my husband puts it) you're not there any more.

My friend's DBiL was given 9 months to live without chemo, which would give him an extra three months. He decided not to put himself through chemo and lived for 2 1/2 years. Her best friend has been in remission with pancreatic cancer for over two years, having been told she had tops 3 months to live.

How can you decide with so many imponderables, it seems such a lottery. I think I would prefer to die in a hospice, with palliative care and not put my family through horrible times trying to cope.

I too volunteer at a hospice, which provides counselling services for patients and families, support groups, day respite for carers, but the expensive drugs are not part of the hospice movement. However this area benefits also from the 'hospice at home' service, where patients and their families are supported day and night to have the death at home if that is their choice. Having been involved in independent research looking at overnight home care, the value of this to patients is immeasurable.

Hospice care receives extremely little funding from the NHS, about 11% if lucky, all the rest has to be raised from local donations and shops. I know where I would spend the money, rather than lining the pockets of drug company directors!

It's about quality of life. The report claimed that the programme was not fit for purpose and was ill-thought out. Some patients benefitted and I am glad for them, but they were a relatively small percentage. The big winners were the drugs companies.

This is the most difficult subject. My dear late husband had motor neurone disease and the one drug he could take helped to slow it down a bit - by a measly six weeks. I imagine this drug costs a good deal. Was it worth it?
Towards the last two weeks of his life he said that he'd had enough, that he couldn't bear it any longer, he stopped taking the tablets as he couldn't see that they were really helping by then.
Knowing that it's terminal with no cure is the worst thing. We were both on tenterhooks for months, not really wanting death but not wanting to suffer either. The hospice movement is worth its weight in gold and deserves more financial help.

If it were myself, irrespective of circumstances, I'd say no thanks but for any member of my family or two soulmates I'd fight to the death.

Every circumstance is different. This is not one of those one size fits all. There should be some leeway, probably could be done by a group of unconnected lay people.

Cameron was guilty of wasting a huge amount of public money for a short term political advantage just because he had some criticism in the red top newspapers. The evidence was not there to support his slush fund promising unicorns and fairy dust!I think that the enemy here is unfounded hope! The oncologists hold out the possibility of an extra 3 - 6 months of life. Don't forget that they are being rated on the survival times of their patients, not the quality of life. Some of them have more integrity than others. They are less forthcoming about the possible extreme misery of that extended life which thwarts the desire to spend time with grandchildren etc. I have been through this with my first husband who understandably wanted to be around for our teenaged daughters (bowel cancer, died aged 44) and a dear friend, who only caved in to the treatment because her husband was desperate for her to have it. What is needed is input from a Clinical Psychologist or End-of-Life counsellor to ask the important questions and help people define what is important for them in the time they have left. Given that is rarely available when the oncologist is offering these last ditch treatments, do people know that they can contact the Palliative Care Team directly? The Palliative Care Team are there to advise anyone who is likely to have less than 12 months to live.

My husband and I have just finalised LPA's (both financial and medical) with our eldest daughter as our Attorney. They categorically state that we do not want to be artificially kept alive by machines or to be given any drugs, experimental or otherwise, that would keep us alive if the prognosis was inevitably terminal with the exception of pain relief. Our daughter was with us when we told the Solicitor what we wanted and she was relieved that we had made our feelings clear in the event that she was asked her opinion as our Attorney regarding extension of life.

When my mother was told she had incurable cancer and a short time to live, she finished her week at work, so her team did not lose its bonus. Then she discussed chemo which would have given a few more weeks but decided against that as it would had been such poor quality of life left.

A few parties and a holiday and she left this world, I think she made the right choice. I hope that I would do the same. I have seen so many friends worn to a stump by trying to keep loved one live in very difficult circumstances, the toll on them is remarkably high.

I have also done years of hospice fund raising work and frankly now find the movement a bit OTT, providing as it does these very expensive centres, almost spa like, when most people prefer to be at home.

I think along with NHS provisions the hospice movement needs to be more reaistic about how they spend the money raised, they do some excellent home care of course but the spend is huge.

I also found in the last shop where I worked staff (paid) were not well treated and I would hate to be on my death bed in luxurious surroundings, knowing that had been paid for by shoddy working conditions for staff.

It is so individual in every case.....but somehow we have to find ways to get it the closest to right that we can.

Yes, it was the special cancer drug fund. Saw it on TV. Of course it could be just the Govt. trying to cut costs again! If it were me, I would just want to be left to die. I keep telling my kids to take me to the vets when the time comes! I can understand that for someone younger, those precious few months could be worth the world. DD's friend tried every drug/operation imaginable over four years, but then she had a baby to raise and every day was precious for the family. Unfortunately she died a few weeks ago. She was a very brave lady.

I do not think £millions were spent on any individual patient. I think the investigation showed that David Cameron's special cancer drug fund expenditure wasn't properly monitored so that while for some people the drugs they got did indeed extend their lives and keep them with a good quality of life, too many got no benefit at all from either extended life or better quality life

Three months for a parent to prepare a young child for death can be without price BlueBelle. I agree with MawBroon on that.
For me now I wouldn't want the extra time if it was very expensive or meant a poor quality of life. It's such a personal thing I don't see how we can generalise.

I'm about to deal with it for my family by some very clear instructions in a health LPA. Easier to do while reasonably fit and healthy I think.

I think it's ludicrous to expect a lot of money to be spent on three months extra Of course no one wants to lose their loved one but it has to be, we are all destined to die and we all need to accept what is given to us It should never be offered for such a short time The outcome is the same
Good on your Mum and you Grannypiper.

My mum didn't have cancer but when she had a massive heart attack at 90 years old and suffering 7 years of Alzheimer's no longer could talk, see hear or walk and I was asked if they should resuscitate her I said No it was hard very very hard but it wouldn't have been kind to her at all to give her another week or two of torment

Just because we can doesn't mean we should
I

Well if it was me (or you) morgana orvanynof my family, thosevthree months could be very precious indeed. It of course depends also on the quality of life during that time.
Time for a parent to prepare their children emotionally and practically for the future? Time to put one's affairs in order?
By all means.
Time to be hooked up to a life support system or to endure suffering the side effects of treatment? That's another matter.

Wishing your daughter in law well, morethan. You have all been under so much pressure. I think you are spot on about quality time, for me it is the quality of time that is important, there is one high problem, though. No one one can predict accurately the outcome of treatment and can we blame anyone for trying to do their best for themselves, their patient or their family? I don't think you can legislate, treatment or no treatment, each individual is just that, individual.

My Mum was given 3 weeks to live but could have radiation treatment to give her the chance another 2-3 weeks, she refused and i backed her decision. I dont see any point in spending very large amounts of money when you cant change the outcome.It may be harsh but we really cannot afford this kind of treatment.If a family want to pay it fair enough.

I really do think it depends on personal circumstances and the quality of life during the extra time. Many of you know my DiL has secondary cancer and three young children if she was offered more quality time it would be worth every penny. However my poor MiL was resuscitate and spent three years in abject misery and died horribly. In retrospect it would have been kinder to her and us to have let her go quickly while her life was still happy and our memories of her were good. The NHS did no one real favours. I'm not blaming them but when I think about it when she went into cardiac arrest it was her time to go. We extended it artificially and we shouldn't have.