worried about a friend

Bumped into my friend in the supermarket this morning, I am REALLY concerned about her now, she looked as though she has lost weight although she says she hasnt and she is putting it on. Her stomach area looked quite bloated too. She is such a private person I feel awkward keep ringing her up and suggesting a meet up. I feel that i have to wait for her to contact me. Just hope this all gets sorted out very quickly it is as stressful for me as it is for her!!!!!

DH is like your friend, he refuses to tell family about his condition which means I have to watch what I say all the time.

Had a call from friend, she is booked to have a barium scan and they think the breathlessnes may be due to something wrong with thyroid.She has to have more blood tests.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I'm guessing not telling her son and going it alone is her way of coping and not wanting to worry others.
The trouble is it doesn't always work like that. My DM hid her breast cancer from me and made light of the operation in order to protect me. I was only 17 at the time, but the feelings of disappointment and isolation I felt afterwards have stayed with me all my life. Did she really think I hadn't twigged what was going on? I really felt she was insulting my intelligence, although I realise her concern was that I would worry unduly.
As said, it is the parent's choice, but will your friend contact her DS while he is on holiday if it's bad news? That could be equally upsetting if he decides to rush back home.

Well I'm glad you are there for her - she clearly knows that. How people deal with a health 'scare' will obviously vary. I've still got a DH who would obviously go with me to such an appointment but if I didn't, I'd want someone with me and would ask a friend. I wouldn't tell my dd whilst I was undergoing investigation but would if something were actually diagnosed. I don't criticise those who do keep their family informed, just that it's the parents choice as to which path they take.

My friend informed me yesterday that she has received an appointment for next Thursday 20th July.

She refuses to tell her son as she doesnt want to worry him as due to go on holiday at start of childrens summer holidays.

She also refused any offer of company to attend appointment.
She has promised to call me and let me know the outcome though. Fingers crossed it will be nothing serious.

I always keep my children up to date on what is happening with our health - I am sure they appreciate that and feel included.

Actually 'nerves' can cause that lump in the throat feeling. The muscles go into a spasm. I do hope it turns out to be nothing more than that. Keep us posted.

I had two gastroscopies for that 'lump in the throat' feeling. I have a hiatus hernia which isn't big enough for surgery. I had another last year at the same time as a colonoscopy ('top and tail') and still just the same old hiatus hernia and a few non-malignant polyps. So I hope your friend has no more cause for anxiety than I did.

It's lovely that you are there to support your friend travelsafar, and I hope all goes well for her.

I will admit that I get annoyed when people don't tell family members of their illnesses/treatment etc. What then happens is that the family member has to worry ALL the time because they can never trust that they are going to be told if anything is going on. If they know they would be included then they can relax and not be worried all the time.

Can I just say I underwent endoscopies some years ago for feeling I had something in my throats all the time it really worried I had a few other similar symptoms it seems my oesophogus opens and closes out of sync I also have some pockets on the oesophogus I m only saying this so you know there can be non dangerous things giving off similar symptoms

I think you really must accept her need to not worry her family I m sure she will if the news is not good, but it is her choice, please do stay positive until you know different

It does sound serious and you're right to be concerned travelsofar.

But surely this son is grown up? It's doing him no kindness to keep him in the dark, although I realise your friend has been doing this to be kind. Perhaps try to persuade her that her son needs to know about her health issues?