Whats wrong with me?

Lots of great advice already, so I am just sending you a virtual hug and and

Gilly, do see your doctor

Everyone has lumps on their head and if touched often can become sore, your doctor will know.

No more thinking of dying , you are tired, feeling so unwell and that damn job is causing such stress.

Can you at least take some sick leave and spend some 'you time'

You do not need to be told to get a grip you need hugs.

Please share your problems here, typing them out helps you think more clearly.

Hugs and love x

On Gilly how I wish I could give you more than a virtual hug.
The advice on GN has as usual been very understanding and helpful.
I just hope it is somehow beneficial to you.
Just a thought could the menopause be in part causing some of the symptoms you are experiencing?

Sending hugs and best wishes.
Hope that some comes back into your life quite soon
xxxx

Gillybob, could you go to the GP surgery and arrange to see a different doctor so you get someone else's opinion?. Or if it's really bad go to A&E. Also are you running a temperature?. But the pain killers might be masking that. Big hug hope you feel better soon.

Thinking of you gillybob and know only too well the symptoms of MS and the side effects of the powerful drugs (both my mum and also my DD had/have this wretched illness), added to that heavy periods and a stressful job it is little wonder you feel so depressed. You have my sympathy (not pity) and you need to find a thoughtful GP who will listen and help. Sometimes when we feel life closing in on us we just can't see through the darkness, that's when we need to get outside help. I really hope things improve, sending ((hugs)) x

Gillybob we ALL have our limits and I think you now need to see your Doctor and tell your family how I'll you are feeling. Be kind to yourself xx

That all sounds terrible, gillybob.
Please try to talk to someone about how you feel, whether a GP or even the Samaritans, who are there to help anyone who is despairing, as you seem to be.
Also try to reduce the load on yourself, even in small ways. It's some relief that you need, not a boot up the bum!

Gillybob really big ((((hugs))))
I did not know you had MS. you really have a lot on your plate.
I am sending my kind thoughts which you seem to need right now. and more hugs as I cannot do anything much else to assist. xxx

Nothing to add to the wise words here, other than sending love and adding my support and suggesting you see your doctor asap x

I have friend with MS and I learned there are many different forms of this illness and that stress causes flare-ups.

Good advice on here, but most of all that which says to see your GP. Are you under a specialist?

Hello again everyone. Before I say anything else can I just say a giant THANK YOU to all you lovely people who have offered kind words and practical advice, you are all absolute stars.

Having re-read my post during last night I feel quite ashamed at what seems like a saga of self pity, when really all I want is for someone to say "for god sake woman.. get your act together". But you are all too kind to say that aren't you?

I can't even begin to thank individuals as I would hate to leave someone out so I will just try and answer as many points as I can (without boring you all to tears with the minor details).

As many of you know DH and I run our own small engineering business. We didn't start up by choice really, more for the reason that DH had lost his job due to ill health (if only we knew then what we know now) and could no longer travel abroad as he had previously. Anyway when we started way back, the market was good, the banks were happy to support SME's and employment laws were more balanced. Neither DH nor myself are the right sort of people to run a business as we are both far too soft and haven't got a ruthless bone in our bodies, which I am sorry to say you need if you want to be successful and not get walked all over by both customers and employees alike. Anyway moving on times are very hard. We have always put our employees before ourselves and have never sacked or made anyone redundant in over 20 years. (that's not to say I haven't wanted to on many occasions). Over the last 10 years we sold our previous house, cashed in our small pensions and sold our beloved static caravan in order to keep going during the toughest times and hand on heart my employees have always been paid fairly. DH and I always thought that things would come good and we would turn the business around and recoup some of our losses, however DH is almost 66 and working 70+ hours per week, for what? I can't leave work as we couldn't afford to pay someone else (4 times what I am supposed to get) to do my job and we can't just pack up as we have a mortgage and plenty personal debt (due to often having to live on credit cards, certainly not from buying luxuries). Also all the business overdraft is secured on our home.

I have mostly coped quite well with my MS and whilst I have quite often pushed myself to the edge I have always seemed to bounce back until more recently when things are starting to get worse but then not getting better again. I have always managed my (mainly leg) pain with my (worth its weight in gold) TENS machine and have always tried to have a "use it or lose it" mentality. I have always spent most of my time alone (at work and home) and love walking on the beach (something that has fallen by the way side this last few weeks as I can't seem to drum up the energy). Lately when I come home from work I just want to go to bed and I often do. I have a zero social life and no real friends. (only myself to blame) and at the moment I can honestly say I hate my life.

More recently my MS is not behaving itself at all and I know this is probably because of the stress. I also have this damned bleeding issue which has me worn out and the tablets I am taking are probably helping to cause this permanent headache that is with me 24/7. I have taken your advice and made an appointment with a different GP in the practise although if I am honest I don't expect a magic wand. Short of winning the lottery ( ha ha) and getting out of the work situation I can't see anything changing any time soon.

Once again I would like to thank everyone for their kind, heart warming messages. xx

Oh gilly I wish I could think of anything useful to say. You are such a kindhearted person in a very difficult situation. I don't have any answers but I'm sending a virtual hug.

Don't feel ashamed gilly Life is difficult. I am struggling with terrible anxiety at the moment. It seems that every minute of every day is a struggle, although I have no excuse, I am not ill. for you.

I've just read this thread. Oh, gillybob! ?

Please go back to your GP and be (politely but insistently) stroppy if they are dismissive. They probably won't be though if you tell them all the details you've told us.

Dear gillybob, have you made an appointment yet to see your Dr? Nosey? Moi? I know, but we all care about you, and you need caring for. Please, if it all seems too much to talk about, do write down your worries and concerns and let the Dr read it. I did that and my lovely Dr read, digested and helped. Can't do more than send love, lots of hugs and well wishes , from all of us here, there and everywhere. and hope the comes back into your life, soonest.

I saw my GP on Friday evening Auntieflo (thank you so much for remembering) although I fear it was a bit of a waste of time. He said that he thinks the headaches I am having are as a result of stress (I'm not convinced) and not likely to be as a result of the medication I am taking for the bleeding. My right ear has totally popped and won't come back (if you know what I mean) but he says thats probably not connected to the headaches(I think it is) and the constant dull ache is making me dizzy and very irritable. He also mentioned the MS (its often used as a fall back) and said it was just letting me know I might be overdoing it. More pain killers and a prescription for AD's (which I have not taken).

A beautiful butterfly came in with my washing on Saturday morning and it floated around the kitchen in no hurry to leave. I actually smiled for the first time in ages and wondered if it was a sign? Probably me being stupid I know, but I just wondered.

I think the butterfly was your Grandma looking out for you.
I hope it did you good.

Dear gillybob, Whilst I am glad you went to GP, I recommend going again but to a different GP. You don't have to accept such nonanswers. A GP needs to further explore. And the bleeding is depleting iron, I think, maybe time for things to be looked at from that perspective.

Yes to comments from Norah and annsixty. Gilly AD's don't make troubles go away but they can help keep us afloat as we get on with it xx

Gilly forgive me for asking but is there any chance that your worker's could buy you out or least part of the business. A sort of workers cooperative.

I have thought a lot about your predicament as before my DH retired last year he worked for an engineering company.
So I do have some idea what you are up against re cheap imports etc.
Your life is difficult and as you say you are not even getting your walk on the beach.
Would life be any harder if you cut your losses sold out to a competitor or even went bankrupt.
You may only be able to rent a home and your DH would just have his state pension but you would be debt free.
You may also be entitled to some financial help (you have both certainly earned it!)
And on the plus side you would gain precious time with your DH, family and grandchildren.
Maybe even join a meditation or gentle yoga class.

These are only my thoughts
So I hope that I have not caused any offense. x

Gilly, Please tell how you are feeling?

gilly - life is just too short for this. I think you have to sit down and take a long cold hard look at all this - difficult to do when you are embroiled in it all - but easier looking at it from the outside.

You should make yourselves bankrupt - I know, I know your employees will lose their jobs, but you and your OH are losing your health over this. It simply cannot go on. You are locked in this cycle and there has to be a moment when you just say enough is enough. It is all going to go tits up when you retire anyway, which you will have to do sometime.

This is not the time for tinkering round the edges - you only have one life and you are using that life up in a way that is wholly negative - with the best of intentions of course I know. I think that if you do not stop and rethink, then a health issue for one of you will give you no choice but to stop.

OK - end of blunt talking!

Try CAB - take along your accounts; tell them you cannot go on and ask their advice.

Good advice I would think Lucky - I was thinking along those lines but unsure exactly what to suggest.

Can't help gillybob except by thinking of you and caring like others on here. It is sad that so many of us have suffered and are suffering in different ways. I have found that it is worth writing it down on GN to firstly deal with it somehow in your own head and secondly to gain strength from the support and advice that results. Take care of yourself so you can change what you can and battle on with the rest.

Luckygirl
What a very good post. You've summed it up completely.
gillybob
Remember: don't rescue to the extent where you have to be rescued.