homelessness

You haven’t given us any idea of your financial situation . Life is always easier with a bit of finance behind you. For example could you fund a small cabin in your garden for him to move into? Close but separate.

You havent mentioned what type of mental health issues he has? Not sure if this way it will work, dont invite him to stay up with you no not directly, call him up for some petty tasks during the day am sure he wont deny. Get him to do simple chores for you and let him have lunch with you. Make his presence known as a carer for you. Thats how it should be. He should be taking care of you. Achieving simple tasks will definately help him and keep his mind occupied. DO NOT ASSUME THE ROLE OF CARER YOURSELF!

This discussion reminds me of a thread on here some time ago. Many of us wished there was still the option of the protected environment of the old hospitals for mentally vulnerable people.

Sorry........dont know how to delete all but one of my last messages!

Talking of posts that are mirrors of each other... optimist definitely agrees with him/herself!

f77ms your post is almost exactly a mirror of mine. I can’t believe that people still think there’s help ‘out there’. While I’d be delighted to find that some areas of the country still have a functioning MH service, I think it’s true to say you and I know the reality,

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

This is exactly what I fear happening, almost inevitable. Good to hear from someone else in a similar position. Thank you.

All the posters who talk of all this help , support and housing etc are living in cloud cuckoo land . Really there is NO help available( or housing) whether you have mental health problems or not . The best you will get is medication and the odd appointment with a `therapist` . Has nobody noticed all the homeless people sleeping in doorways, most of whom have mental health issues . I find it unbelievable that people are not aware of the situation in this country in 2017 . We really have gone back to Victorian times with regard to looking after vulnerable members of our society .

Optimist.....So sorry to learn of your difficult dilemma. My first question is 'how serious are your son's mental issues?' Is he struggling alone without any counseling or professional help? Does he alienate others because he's confrontational? How confrontational is he? Belligerent, aggressive, angry, or violent? Worst of all....Could he ever pose a danger to himself or others?

In your situation, I would take much of the advice given here. Exhaust every resource available to get your son the help he needs. For the moment, he needs professional help and a safe place to live, preferably not your's.

A move back home should be a last resort, to be considered only when all other options have been exhausted. If it does come to that, he should be under the constant care of a mental health professional while he is living under your roof.

The goal should be for him to regain his mental stability; so he can hold a steady job, be independent and ultimately move to his own place when the time comes.

I so hope things work out for the best.

Hugs, Willa

It's easy for me to say don't take him in because he's not my son but as other posters have said he'll never get his own place if he's living with you. DH has mental health problems, he's OK at the moment but we've had some difficult times that have dragged me down and I suffer from low-level depression (although I've never owned up to this or had treatment). It's hard treading on eggshells and living with unpredictable reactions to events. Our NHS mental health support ended when DH became 60 so we're more or less on our own (apart from supportive DDs). You don't say what your son's problems are but if he's estranged from so many people he must be difficult to deal with. He needs/deserves support but be careful.

To be realistic, I doubt if there will be any help from the NHS or social services either way. The whole thing seems to be disintegrating under pressure of cuts and arbitrary targets

Do not accommodate your son. If he returns to you he will never leave. He will not be seen as a priority and you will be seen as his carer so there will be no help from Social Services or NHS. You will not have a life and you may well die earlier due to the stress and strain of looking after him and negotiating care for him.

He needs to get into the appropriate sheltered housing. and most of all he needs to be with his own peer group.

So sorry you are facing these problems. do hope you can stay strong and negotiate now. All the best.

I agree with those who suggest that you need to arrange a meeting with the housing people - maybe make a joint meeting for you and he to talk to Mind - they are usually full of helpful suggestions and will be supportive, if not able to do much to help. Feeling as you do, and not long after your own bereavement, you won't be the best person to act as his carer and must put your own needs first. Your DS, no matter how much you love him and want to help him, has to be on suitable medication, with his own care team and then needs to sort out his housing and other issues. Also arrange a meeting with Adult Care - at the end of the day it's their problem. Do hope that you can sort this out and wish you everything good in 2018. Love & peace. Hugs xxx

I think if I was in this position it would depend heavily on what sort of mental health problems my son had. If they took the form that he sometimes became dangerous or it was a personality disorder type where he might become verbally or physically bullying or controlling towards me I would be too scared now especially approaching old age and vulnerability. If it was just depression on and off etc and he was basically no problem to anyone but himself then I might well have him if I had room for us both to live comfortably. But you don't want to be taking on behavioural or antisocial issues or you'll both be hounded out by your neighbors.

What a difficult situation for you, your son and your daughter optimist ?.
I would agree with others who suggest you look after yourself first and foremost. You will be unable to support anyone if you are stressed yourself.
There are support networks out there for your son but I think it will be a fight to get them so be prepared. Does he want help? If so the onus will be on him to seek out help with housing & mental health support with you there right behind him guiding him.
I wish you all luck and best wishes for 2018

You cannot deal with a 50 year old man with mental health issues. You're 74 years old. Even if you were fit you wouldn't be able to cope. Why isn't he getting any benefits? He needs to either sign on or get sick notes from GP. He also needs to declare himself homeless to the council.

Do people really believe that there is help ‘out there’ for those with mental health problems. I very much doubt it in this day and age, and in truth I’d go further and say there’s no such thing as a mental health service in this country and there never has been.

Forty years ago as a young mother I faced similar problems with my own mother, so I have a unique insight into this. The little help there seems to be is medication (not sufficiently monitored) and an occasional visit to a psychiatrist (some of which ought to be in therapy themselves from my experience!).

I have every sympathy for you optimist you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

This may sound harsh, but I honestly believe you have done enough already.

You are rebuilding your life after your husband's death, which is a difficult task and I am really happy to hear you have the strength to do so.

Reading your post, I am in no doubt that you have done your duty and given your late husband, your son and your daughter all the love and support you can. You deserve to enjoy the rest of your life.

What will happen to your relationship with your daughter, who is estranged from her brother if you take him in?

Please, consider yourself first here, and your daughter as well as your son. I cannot help but feel that he is better off being helped by those who have chosen to work with people with mental issues and who are not emotionally involved as a mother always is.

If you take him in he won't get any other help the council, social services etc will leave it all to you.

Mental health problems can destroy those trying to cope with them and the epeope willing to help. I speak from experience.

Put yourself first.