Gransnet forums

Health

How do you not feel shame in taking anti-depressants long-term

(139 Posts)
alovelycupoftea Sat 13-Jan-18 14:36:42

I have been on ADs on and off (mostly on) for the last 25-ish years, after a lifetime problem with anxiety & then later depression after the death of my mother when I was 20. My problem is that, even after all this time and with the ADs working so well for me that I can live a normal life, I still feel a bit ashamed of needing them. From time to time I start to think about coming off them/ reducing my dose ( I am currently on 225mg Venlafaxine), but only manage to unsettle myself with the very thoughts and so changing my mind. I know all the practical arguments about "you'd take medication if you had asthma etc, so it's just the same", and they all make perfect sense, but I just can't seem to truly believe it and accept it without feeling a bit pathetic for needing them. Has anyone else accepted this ok, and can share how you did it? Thanks so much.

linjon Sun 14-Jan-18 12:48:29

I’ve been on antidepressants for nearly 30 years. Thanks to them I’ve led a reasonably normal life (apart from ongoing agoraphobia meaning I struggle to leave home on my own. I’ve had some amazing holidays abroad and enjoy my garden and grandchildren. I’m in my mid sixties and accept that I am able to enjoy my life within my own limitations which is fine by me!! My life would have been very different without the meds. So many people need meds for so many different things - absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!! Just do what you need to do to stay well. Sending you my very best wishes.

MissAdventure Sun 14-Jan-18 12:37:36

I would say depression is a condition that can be managed and lived with, just like many others. There are self help measures, the same as with other conditions, but if medication is part of what helps, then why try to manage without? There are no medals for 'being strong'.

Kim19 Sun 14-Jan-18 12:30:15

This is a decidedly interesting and enlightening topic for me. Thanks to all contributors. Is the general concencus for those of us who are on long term prescriptions that most depressions (is there a finite number?) are incurable?

Granny23 Sun 14-Jan-18 12:27:22

Gabriella If the cause of anxiety/depression is a slight malfunction in the brain then no amount of talking therapy will sort it. Indeed the very process of raking over old hurts is likely to do more harm than good. The OP might benefit from talking to someone about her feelings re taking the medication prescribed i.e. a problem in the here and now but I don't think delving into the past is the answer here.

MissAdventure Sun 14-Jan-18 12:16:08

Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is no need to try and manage without meds. Take what you need: problem solved.

Baggs Sun 14-Jan-18 12:14:58

I've been on prescribed painkillers for thirty-five years (arthritis). Do I feel ashamed? Nope. Fed up sometimes but never ashamed.

I think it's wrong to say that depression is just a state of mind, implying that with enough will and enough behavioural therapy (or something) it can be sorted out. Depression is an illness or, more probably, a range of illnesses like arthritis.

Chicklette Sun 14-Jan-18 12:10:01

Please don't feel ashamed. I've been on AD on and off for 30 years, but constantly for at least the last 10 years. I have had people in the past make me feel ashamed, but I've moved beyond that now. As others have said, you'd take medication for other illnesses, and this is just an illness. A doctor once said to me that if I had a broken arm in plaster I'd get a lot of sympathy, but mental illness scares people, so they treat you unkindly. You have an illness that is made better by medication. Be grateful that we live in a society where we can access that medicine, rather than struggling alone.

craftynan Sun 14-Jan-18 12:07:45

I’ve been on citalopram for several years and will be remaining on it for the foreseeable future. I’m not at all ashamed, I have friends with physical health problems that require medication and it’s just that my problems are unseen but still need treating.

GabriellaG Sun 14-Jan-18 12:00:00

Has the cause of your anxiety ever been addressed?
It's no good masking the cause with medication which does not address the reason for your feeling depressed and 25 years is an awfully long time to still be on medication. You say that the very thought of coming off your meds or even reducing your dependency, makes you worried. Depression is a state of mind not a virus or infection, therefore IMHO it might be an idea to ask your GP for a referral to a therapist/counsellor or hypnotist to get to the root of the matter. Which came first, depression or the passing of your mother which might have exacerbated it?
25 years is a mighty long time for your GP to continue putting a plaster on a cut without looking at why it won't heal. I think, with the right help, you could address the cause and have a better life free of meds. Good luck.

Coco51 Sun 14-Jan-18 11:54:25

alovelycupoftea everyone has individual needs and your anti-depressants are what you need,. Why should you feel guilty? I am taking a pharmacy load of pills for pain, depression and other things besides. My partner who lost his son is taking anti-depressants to help him cope with the loss, and he has working experience of helping people to rehabilitate with mental illnesses. He understands that what he takes is necessary and accepts this is the way things are for him. Please don’t feel that you are ‘weak’ - your strength is knowing how you are and what you need. People who take the ‘pull yourself together’ line have no understanding whatsoever, so don’t let that bother you. Hugs x

pollyperkins Sun 14-Jan-18 11:49:09

Well I feel rather ashamed about taking 3 pills for blood pressure when others I know dont need them. I hate taking them. I realise it's not the same , but just saying ......

Nonnie Sun 14-Jan-18 11:34:48

I don't think anyone so far has mentioned that feeling guilty, unsure of oneself, lacking in confidence etc are all part of depression. It sounds to me as if the OP is having these feelings just because she is depressed. Quite normal

ajanela Sun 14-Jan-18 11:34:01

It didn't need anyone to say anything to you, up until recently there was a prejudice against people with mental health problems. Cheers to the young royals and others who are trying to change the picture.

I think you post and others is great support to those who have or should be taking AD medication. Well done.

Nonnie Sun 14-Jan-18 11:33:15

travelsofar that seems to be the current problem with the media emphasis on mental health. I know someone who says she is depressed but won't take any meds in case they disagree with her. IMO she would try anything if she really was depressed.

Day6 Sun 14-Jan-18 11:07:47

Cupoftea - I rattle from all the prescription pills I have to take on a daily basis.

Try and reframe your situation if you can. There is no shame and aren't we lucky to have the sort of medication that makes us feel better?

You are what you are. You function better because you have to take ADs. I wouldn't function at all if I didn't have some of my pills. We live in good times. Decades ago we'd have had to suffer, or even worse, we'd have conked out.

Rejoice that you are ok. You are not weak. I am what I am, pills and all, and so are you. Onwards, upwards, forwards etc. Best wishes. smile

holdingontometeeth Sun 14-Jan-18 10:52:46

If they are working for you, which they obviously are, continue with them.
There must be millions of people on AD's as the estimate is one in three of us will experience Depression at some stage in our lives, some knowingly, others not.
A bit of positive thinking wouldn't go amiss.
Be proud of getting through each day and think that you are the best thing since sliced bread.
If you do go along the course of stopping or reducing them, only do so after discussing it with your doctor.

Cobweb01 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:33:18

I have been on mirtazapine for about 6 months now and hope to be able to reduce them, then come off them in the next 6 months. Difficulty is not knowing if I am feeling better because of or despite the ADs. I know how you feel and I think the stigma of having any kind of mental illness is being addressed but for those of us that are of older generations, we still have the old attitudes in our heads. I hope you feel better and if it's the ADs that are doing that for you, feel no shame as the shame is on those who don't recognise mental illness (long or short term) and think we should all "pull ourselves together".

Candelle Sun 14-Jan-18 10:32:58

I can be quite unwell with a physical problem (as at the moment) that rears up every winter and I feel guilty about having it, the medications I need to try and manage/sort it out again and the change necessary in my lifestyle (can't do anything) whilst I am unwell.

I see it all as a weakness that I am unable to do anything about and without being too flippant, I probably need some anti-depressants at these times.....

We should not not feel guilty about our health - no one knows what another person is feeling/suffering, it is all so subjective. As I say, 'ibbwib'. I'll be better when I'm better...

Alovelycupoftea, please don't feel guilty about your pills. Keep taking them to help you and I'll take mine to help me. Blow everyone else!

Rosina Sun 14-Jan-18 10:28:18

'sound' - my terrible typing again.

Rosina Sun 14-Jan-18 10:27:28

You are doing nothing wrong and harming nobody; everyone in this life needs help of some sort at some time, and this is what you need. Don't be hard on yourself - you sound like a responsible and caring person to even think of this at all, so get that chin up and remember how many people need some kind of help as they travel through life. You sounds like a really nice woman - love yourself for this! x

Poly580 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:23:00

Hi Cuppa, I was admitted to the Priory in 2006 with clinical depression ( not sectioned). I was so low I wanted to take my own life. The stigma of mental health follows me still. People need to change their views. The shock of what happened stopped my periods ( not in the menopause) and left me with an under active thyroid. I have just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I could go on but this post is not about me.
I was given a very thin book to read called “The curse of the strong “that was written by a psychatrist. It explains how you have had things to deal with that others may not have, how you tried to stay strong for so long that your system couldn’t cope, that kind of thing. It changed my outlook and I turned a corner. I slowly weaned myself off meds after 10 years of taking them. When my GP told me that sertraline was the possible cause of my hair loss I took charge of my own health. There is no shame, we are all different and have had different paths. Don’t ever let ignorant people make you feel ashamed. Depression affects all walks of life. You’re doing fantastic! You’re still coping and have either helped a few people who feel the same or increased understanding when they read your post, so thank you. I wish you well x

Legs55 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:19:47

My DH had bouts of depression over the years, medication never worked for him but I put this down to his impatience (pills didn't work instantly!!). His Psychiatrist agreed that pills weren't suitable for him. He was referred to a Psychologist, this worked better for him.

There is no shame in taking ADs, if they work for you carry on. flowers

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:02:04

I wouldn't feel shame if I were you. My sister is on AD and probably will be for life because she feels she needs them and doesn't want to go through the experience of having to wean herself off them.
To turn this discussion on its head I take a certain amount of pride in not taking them. We've both been through challenging times. Maybe my expectations are different. If things are bad I expect to feel sad and maybe have difficulty sleeping but I 'tough my way' through. Perhaps I'm just more headstrong in a bolshie sort of way.

janeainsworth Sun 14-Jan-18 10:00:53

jaycee if there are particular situations which make you feel anxious, cognitive behavioural therapy can be helpful.
It helps you to recognise the causes of the anxiety (often going way back in the past) and to reframe the situation so that you see it in a different, more positive way.

goose1964 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:00:42

I've finally started to take ADS after on/off depression all my adult life . I've identified my trigger so I'm a lot better but I still need my ADs to fully silence those negative innrt voices