Low and a bit stuck

I am sorry to hear you're feeling so low, Tilly, it can be really difficult. I would echo others' suggestions to try and get out every day, perhaps planning a treat for yourself. There is also the U3A (university of the third age) which offers meetings and days out as well as many interest groups such as photography, painting, dancing, languages that you could join if you're interested. I agree that it may be helpful to talk things over with your GP. Can I also suggest that you can talk to Samaritans at any time and you don't have to be suicidal to contact them! They offer telephone and face-to-face contact as well as via email and text. I wish you well, Tilly. Please take good care of yourself!

When you're feeling more positive than this weekend, please make a list of what could be good distraction activities if you feel like this again. As I think I've posted before I will only buy cat food for 1 day at a time, so I have to go out and shop, speak to the person in the little shop (never big impersonal supermarkets), then I have to get up, washed and dressed. Physically leaving the house makes me feel less down. If you're mobile, an ice cream at a beauty spot? A trip just to look at the sea? A trip to the library, find a good book, DVD.

My first post too, Cazzab56. I have periods of feeling very low, and as I approach 70 life seems to be rushing past at an alarming rate. I have a wonderful dh but he is happiest when pottering in his shed whereas I always think there is something else I should be seeing or experiencing. I volunteered for Age UK as a befriender but the volunteering role I really enjoy is working for my local library delivering books to people who are housebound. They always cheer me up and help me to get things into perspective. Being on a fairly restrictive budget means I have to look for things that don’t cost a fortune and walking groups can be the answer. Most areas run some sort of health walks which you can sign up for. I really hope these messages make you feel less lonely.

I too have battled depression most of my adult life.
When I felt it happening again I trotted off to the GP,who ordered a battery of blood tests.It turns out I have low vitamin D. He gave me mega doses for 7 weeks and now maintainance dose daily.I can't believe how much better I feel.May be worth a check for you too?

Cazzab56 I ended my marriage after 22 years. I was extremely lonely most of the time while married. I don't know you and it would be unwise to imagine why you are lonely, but I wonder if there is more to how you feel and more to your loneliness than meets the eye. Is your H difficult?

It took me a long time to realise just how cruel mine was. I was so much under his control and so frightened to have a mind of my own that I could not see just how cruel he was. Then he threatened our eldest daughter in the way he usually spoke to me. I saw with clarity that this could not be allowed. I started Legal Separation proceedings.

That was 25 years ago. I have grown so much since, studied, changed career. I now know he was a Covert Narcissist, the worst kind of narcissist so they say.

Are you suffering in an impossible relationship with someone who is completely unreasonable and oblivious to your human needs? Yes? Then leave.

If this is not your situation, yet you are so lonely, then something is wrong. Can you get some counselling? Are there any books or websites that give you insight into your situation?

Being single doesn't make you lonely. Being married and unhappy definitely does.

Good luck.

I really do place great store by fresh air - listening to the birds, smelling the new life of early summer. But I do also understand the dead hand of depression - please get all the help you can.

Good advice about getting out there and finding thi gs to occupy yourself.
I am really impressed with my neighbour, widowed, just under three months ago, and she has taken herself off to the north of Scotland for three weeks to stay in a country cottage.

It is very easy to feel like this. I found myself with a free day at the last minute and no one I could ring and say would you like to watch the tv with me? DH was at work.
I do have to make a definite effort to arrange things. Yes you can feel lonely when married.
It takes a bit of effort.

Chocolatenoodle8 has excellent advice I think. I didn't expect to get divorced either but there we go. I, too, feel low from time to time, but I immerse myself in work as much as possible and when, like today, I find myself with a whole day off and everyone planning to watch the royal wedding (I'd rather watch paint dry tbh) I took myself off to a local country show and just mooched about amongst the stalls, watched a bit of this and that in the show rings and got some sun.
The problem is, no-one can help you, you have to help yourself and I really don't mean that to sound harsh, I'm sorry you're feeling down.

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm widowed too and although I call myself a survivor I get down in the dumps sometimes. It's often a collection of little things that depress me - as though it's 'one more thing' which could tip me over the edge. I often feel like I'm waiting for other people to get their backsides into gear iyswim. Let's try to be grateful for the little things - a sunny day etc. Easier said than done sometimes.

Dear TillySussex suggest you set yourself a routine of upand breakfast by 8 or 9am. Walk to shops, head up & smiling!
Go out for lunch with a friend or two on a regular basis. Join an adult education class - many are held daytime. Go to the theatre / concert hall / cinema. Your local library has lots of books, computers and info on stuff happening in the area. Join U3A or the local walking group. Gardening is terrific. Good luck

tillysussex So sorry to hear you feel down. It is well known that depression is worse around Christmas and in the Summer when people are enjoying time out with family. If you can't motivate yourself to do anything you might need some help and a visit to your GP might be a good idea. If you can push yourself, getting out and doing something might help. It is shown that exercise helps, so walking, jogging or if you like the gym try that. I used to swim and regularly met people with whom I became friends. This may not be the right suggestion, but if you are an animal lover and have the life style and facilities to give a pet a home, then having a pet really can boost you. I have rescued dogs, small ones as I am disabled but fortunately have a good garden. They most certainly keep me from getting too depressed, which I do have a tendency to do otherwise.
I wish you lots of good things, and don't be worried about being alone. Go to a cafe for coffee or even a meal. Take a magazine or book. You might find yourself chatting to someone. Try to keep going and doing things and remember, feeling low does not last for ever, but do get help from your Doctor if you can't manage. Lots of love L

I volunteered with Age UK as a befriender.

I visit a lovely lady who needs some company whenever I wish.

It’s up to me and her when I visit, so if you feel low, go and have a chat with an elderly person.
It really does take you out of yourself and out of the house.

cazzab56: I’m thinking about ending my marriage and people tell me it’s a mistake as lonely on your own. I’m lonely in a 26 year old marriage.

IKWYM. On your own you can make friends you like, do things you like, read and watch what you like.
It took me 30 years to make the break

I married late, so I know the feeling of being single and surrounded by family and friends who all are busy with their lives, that are not subject to loneliness.

It always does feel worse at a holiday weekend, doesn't it?.

If you don't have a pet and don't want one, what about a hobby or interest that could fill the hours where you feel alone and down? I am keeping the idea of a dolls' house in the back of my mind for the future, if life throws me the curve ball called widowhood!

It doesn't matter whether you collect stamps, glass ornaments, play with a dolls' house or knit teddies for charity, as long as it makes you happy.

Interesting topic for me. I am very much alone but, hand on heart, have never once felt aware of being lonely. Oh sure, I regularly have a silly wish that fate could have been kinder but am totally aware it could also have been so much worse. Don't know where I get my positive attitude from but certainly attribute much of it to faith. I have some disappointing family relationships but I put that down to pressure of modern life combined with perhaps my expectations were too high. Don't think I was a particularly bad Mother. Today I've had a walk up the High Street for a paper and done a bit in the garden as well as dipping into the wedding pleasantries from time to time. All good and such a lovely day as an additional bonus.

I’m thinking about ending my marriage and people tell me it’s a mistake as lonely on your own. I’m lonely in a 26 year old marriage.

Hi there. My first time to post. I’m with you fully on the low mood. My first bout was aged 51 and started when 2 of my kids went away to Uni. Was on and off antidepressants for past 5 years. Been to a gynaecologist and she told me it wasn’t clinical depression but the menopause and I should have been given HRT. Fuming as tablets didn’t work very well and I even ended up in a psych ward!

Sorry just feel so sorry for you. That awful feeling that you’re left behind and it’s easier to hide inside. I’d go to bed convincing myself I was tired.

I’m in the process of coming off antidepressants and hopefully now I know via blood test I’m through the menopause I have the motivation to reassess where I am.

You will be fine. Be gentle with yourself and use this time to see what you want to do. Personally I’d think about a dog. My two got me out of the house and people love to stop and chat to you

Here if you ever need a pm

Meet Up groups are great ways to get out & go to different places, needs a bit of courage to walk into a strange place on your own but it's well worth it (I speak from experience, Lunch Thursday this week, coffee on Tuesday & next Tuesday a short walk by the sea & coffee & cake to follow, just a few of the activities).

I shall be spending all weekend on my own as usual, DD & family are busy. I was widowed 5 years ago, moved to a new area to be nearer DD. I had to make new friends, it is hard at times but making a bit of an effort to go out, join different activities but I am perfectly capable of going out on my own.

Lots of good suggestions as usual. Enjoy the weather, go for a walk (doesn't have to be far)

Tilly and others who are depressed or dipping your toes into depression - it is such a hard place to be and I am sending you love. I've been there more than once and know that depression can be a kind of temptation - this sounds strange, but in my experience it is like wrapping yourself in a big, grey, sad duvet. It kind of numbs you from the world and gives a false 'protection' from it all - it feels like too much to get on with life, and is a place to hide. I don't want to sound unkind - I am saying what I realised about myself. So I found out that I have to pay attention to the depressing thoughts I am only half attending to, and ask myself if they are true. Almost always they are not - or I am giving an unnecessary negative spin to them. Reality is different - I was in a very painful marriage, but came to realise that that pain was not the same as the depression I was experiencing. I could move on from the depression, by lots of things including challenging my thoughts and by stopping crying so much. Also know that it is OK to feel whatever you feel - this is how it is for us all - it is the thoughts and stories which keep us stuck, so check them out and let them go, but allow the feelings to run their course - in the end you will 'digest' them. If and when they return, just follow what you've learnt, and move on again. And again. Don't blame yourself - self blame is just another way to pull ourselves down. What I found hard was to ask for help - easier to ask when you are feeling better, paradoxically. It does help to get out of doors and walk - if possible somewhere natural and beautiful, but walk anyway. Walk even if you think you are too tired. Exercise has been shown to be as good as tablets for mild or moderate depresssion, and doesn't have the side effects of medication.
And find a counsellor, or talk to a friend, or help someone else: do whatever you can to take that first step away from the duvet of depression. It won't always be like this. I wish you well.

Just read about your husband, so sorry.
Is there a carers’ support group nearby?
We have a weekly one in our small town.

Tilly if you can get out and go to a wood and hug a tree I gather than can help. Trees do something and the term tree-hugger, used to laugh at people, is referring to someone who tends to be calm and happy. When we had two dogs we used to go to a local wood and I'd hug a tree when nobody was looking . Sadly one dog died and I can't get out as much now, but I sometimes decide I'm going to hug a tree in the park and if anyone sees I don't care . They have such a variety of types of 'skin' on their trunks. I likes ones my arms just about go around or that are too big for me to reach round.

The advice about sitting on a bench and someone will chat is good and also someone asked if you have a pet. Did you know Guide Dogs for the Blind always need puppy walkers. They look after the pup for the first year and begin the training. The organisation pay for food etc and train you in how to look after the dog. Or a dog from a rescue organisation might make a nice friend if you have no pet.
www.guidedogs.org.uk/how-you-can-help/volunteering-for-guide-dogs/

They also want people to re-home guide dogs when they are about 8 years old and retire.

It might be tricky to consider today when you have no mo-jo but I suggest you volunteer for something (anything you have a good feeling for).

It will motivate you to get out, you’ll be contributing to something and feel that you are an important part of life again. As an added bonus you’ll almost certainly develop new friends.

I worked alongside a volunteer bureau for years and know from experience that volunteering turns your OWN life round!

Sends hugs and to everyone feeling low today. It is so easy to sink into depression. Please see your GPs if it gets to a stage that you are not getting up or dressed or you are feeling you cannot cope. Do try and do something every day - small steps. Go to the shops or for a walk. Get out in the garden - you and the garden will benefit. Go for a coffee and a cake (spoil yourself if you are not on a diet. Look at your local free paper and join a keep fit class - you will meet people and chat if it is for the over 60s.
Enjoy the Royal Wedding if you are watching Thinking of you all.

Can’t help with any words of advice for depression but as for being on your own why not look for a day coach trip somewhere, join groups. Volunteer to be a dog walker for people unable to walk their dvos or just, if you are able, go for a walk and a coffee on your own and just enjoy your own company.