Am i going mad.

I went on holiday and told her she would have to look after herself, at the time she was going on the bus for light shopping, going to her voluntary work. I did a big shop then let her get on with it. Her friend fined and she was ok.She has a string around her neck if she falls to alert someone. I'm also so scared that I have too look after her. I can't take bodily functions or smells. When she had her last fall I made meals but they were never right,whatever I bought was not right. She calls me to everybody. She lived with her mother and nursed her through cancer and I'm sure she expects the same, but I need to work till I'm 66.

Seaking as an old person, I am nearly 75, I dod not think all of us are like that, but I do accept that some people do get very difficult as they grow old.

Ethel is there nothing you can do to limit how often you visit her? she presumably managed alright when you were away. Can you tell her firmly (and possibly social services) that you can only visit three days a week and there will need to be a fall back position for when you are unavailable. I seem to remember that you too have had health problems. Could you use these as a reason why you cannot provide 24/7 support.

I sometimes think that if we get really difficulty and crachity in extreme old age, I am not talking about dementia, we should be left to cope with the problems this behaviour causes us, but it is difficult when it is our parents and somehow we care about them.

Well first of all I hope writing it down as helped get some of it off of your chest.

As an outsider your mother sounds like a feisty old bugger and I really hope I have the same spirit at her age!

From your point of view I can see what a tremendous responsibility you feel and the resentment at being the one to see to her.

Some people will tell you that you should put up and shut up as after all she cared for you when you were a baby and a child and it is now a case of the roles being reversed. I do understand that.

But I also understand how you feel like she is an albatross around your neck.

Unless there is another family member to share the burden then it does rather look like you have to carry on. But if you can find ways to have more time for yourself then try.

Being a dutiful daughter doesn't mean you're not entitled to let off steam and want and need time off now and again.

Who looked out for her when you were on the cruise?

for you as you sound so stressed.