The Black Dog Gang

downtoearth I am so sorry, you are suffering such emotional pain , wish I could hug you x

downtoearth, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I do not have the words, to comfort you. How could I, when I have never experienced this? My thoughts are also with Annie
You are in my thoughts.

Today is the anniversary of my daughters suicide,yesterday,my now ex- partner,shattered what remaining heart I had left,the dog is consuming me,today one minute at a time hoping that it will pass quickly if I lie still,but life goes on,and to the outside world I look no different,but I am surrounded by loss, today also is the anniversary of my dads death.
Today is not a good day

I thank God for the support I get from GN ,

Its absolutely pathetic to even offer this, but I am going through some loss at the moment and if anybody wishes to chat please DM me. I am a good listener, I think.

* MissA* and Annie ...today I found my partner of 15 years ,had led me to believe he wanted to try and salvage our relationship after cheating on me for 6 months,I believed the relationship had finished,today I found out differently,tomorrow is the anniversary of my Katherine( katy) taking her own life,the ever present hound is consuming me.
You dont ever get over the sadness of losing your daughter,it is fifteen years since,and the sadness persists,you function,but part of you is missing,the heart goes out of everything,you exist
for you both

Its a different level of mourning, it seems, Annie.
Not so raw and ragged; deeper and duller and as if it envelopes everything.

It is for me . Christmas and New Year hurt, knowing her husband and children were doing what they did when she was with them . Knowing her chair at the dinner table was empty. My life is empty.

I'm quietly struggling.
I would appreciate others' thoughts..

How miserable is normal after the loss of my daughter?
I'm not walking around weeping; I'm doing what I need to, keeping things clean.

I just feel so bereft, still.
Its so painful, but surely that is normal? Is it?

How is everyone today? Christmas has been and gone, and now things are back to usual...sort of. My husband went back to work today, but I'm off until next Tuesday (not by choice, but because the transport company we used for the day centres is closed until next week), so I've been faffing about at home.

Good for you Annie Keep it up. Grand DO listen to old batty

Ok that's good

Not yet batty, we talk on face time, worked fine for showing me hand and eye movements, she said she will visit me if I wish but face time suits me so far.

Does the therapist come to you Annie?

I had my third meeting for EMDR yesterday. The first two were preparation for processing. Yesterday the processing started, felt shaken after it. More to come.

Good post Allsorts, sums up my experience of counselling. First counsellor didn't work for me, second one did and has been brilliant for me. It's been a very difficult experience opening up, but has really helped me deal with a very traumatic experience, which is ongoing. My counselling continues, and I'm learning to be kind to myself and have faith that I can get through.

No don't apologise. Please pop along to your GP for a chat. It is incredibly common and your feelings of isolation are part of the damn thing.

Please please see a doctor. If you don't click with him or her see another.

No messing about now, call first thing Monday morning.

Why is it (in my case) SO difficult to come out re the elephant in the room? Can’t admit to anyone how I feel, OH doesn’t and never has admitted I have a problem and is of no support whatsoever. In fact, he makes me feel so isolated. My daughter is brilliant but I feel it’s unfair to burden her when I’m at my worst, like now. Sons too busy in their own lives and I just couldn’t say anything, I’m the mother, the strong one (not) this is making me cry, no reason, just in the genes probably. Should have succeeded in ending it the first time 18 years ago, but didn’t. Just want to be at peace and feel life is worth living. Nothing I read or hear seems to be applicable. Each day a struggle, other than at work when can put on a front that everything in the garden is rosy. Apologies for the blurb,

Depression is a known side effect of beta-blockers. I guess some people are more susceptible to it than others.

Go Miss A....you did it mate!

Well, that's a big fat dollop of unhappiness got through..

I've been taking Bisoprolol for over 11 years now purely for having been diagnosed with A-fib in 2006, along with Warfarin.
I can't say that I've had any side-effects and certainly none that you've had. Because I also take other meds I do suffer a lot with nausea which I know to be a side-effect of Bisoprolol but it was a toss-up between having those deadly episodes of A-fib or feeling nauseous so chose the latter and am never without mints or mint chewing gum.

It's possible that I suffer ( inwardly ) from anxiety and it's worsened since I've got older. No two days are alike I find. I can be great for one maybe two days on the run then nauseous. It's absolutely horrible because I have to remain indoors and can't really make any arrangements because I don't know how I'm going to feel.

This hasn't always been the case at all as I worked and travelled a lot-----so it's medication, stopped one thing and caused another.

EllanVannin - initially they were prescribed to prevent migraines. I got the dose down to a tiny amount that was a balance between avoiding migraines and not initiating depression.

When I started with the AF I was put on a different beta blocker (Bisopralol) for the purpose of preventing it. It certainly worked on the AF, but really sent me down to rock bottom. I am now back on a tiny dose of the original beta-blocker (Propranalol).

So I am juggling 3 things!

I haven't been on this thread for ages and I just wondered how people were doing. You seem to be Keeping On - Keeping On. Wow.

Firstly I am pleased this thread and it's support is here. Really Pleased. so thank you all.

Having read back just a couple of pages there's a couple of things :

So glad you have a date for the Eye Movement thingy Anniebach hope you get some improvement form it once you start.

I remember sparklefizz knows something about EFT and I know people who have benefitted from it.

From what I have been told even looking at the Youtube and following some of those hints it can help bring some soothing. I suppose for full results you'd need a Qualifies Practitioner and as has been said do check the qualifications.

However, I want to put this out as a plea - Please DO NOT under report your Feelings, Fears, Experiences, Pain, Anxiety, Lack of Peace to your Therapist/Counsellor.

You may want to take your time in fully sharing where you are in your pain, fear, loss and so on.

But WHEN and IF you Feel Safe with them Please "Tell then How it is." "Tell them How you Have Coped and How you Do or Do Not cope NOW".

IF you don't ever TELL them It won't help You and it won't help a good Therapist /Counsellor to work with you for Your Best Outcome.

If your Therapist/Counsellor Can't or Won't HEAR You they are Not The One For YOU.

Then comes your Fear Question of "Who will help if not them as it's taken so long/being so hard to get them.

Answer is - Now You know you can get only SO Much Help, Support, Understanding from "This Person - At This Time"

YOU Do what you have been Doing all along - the Very Best You Can.

And while your "Very Best" Feels Like "Not Good Enough" It Is

YOU and Your Very Best have got you this far.

You and Your Very Best will keep you going.

As tired and as worn out as you are at anytime, you are still there Keeping you afloat.

No Mean Feat.

I speak from personal experience. Thankfully my Dog is mostly well chained up these days.

I did say AT THIS TIME and "at this time" is really important.

It's important because as you get into the Therapeutic Relationship things will change.

Your person will either really start to Hear and Understand YOU or they will get Deafer (not a great word but ...) to you.

Then you know what you have to "Do" either With them and their insights/support or For Yourself Going Forwards into the Future.

I used this yesterday but it is a "Thank You For That" moment.

I really hated it when the trainer used to say it in my first year but by the end I really got what she was teaching us.

What most Clients don't See, Feel, Connect with at first is -

How Amazing They Already Are. How Amazing You All Already Are.

I hated it when my Therapist used to say that to me. It felt false, slimy, like she was buttering me up. She was another one who in the end I understood what she was teaching me.

We don't See, Feel, Connect with what an Amazing Job we/You have Done at :

"Getting On With" - "Getting Through" the really tough (sh!tty) events, traumas that life has thrown up.

Keep having faith in your selves. You are an amazing bunch who have Survived so much, so many trials.

Keep Waving. Keep Swimming. Don't be afraid to Just Float sometimes, you'll know the times you can. Trust in yourselves. You've got you this far.

One day instead of Surviving may you reach a place of Thriving.

It's not an short journey nor is it an easy one but then folks on this thread know about living through the tough stuff so you know you have what it takes to keep going.

Have the best of all possible day and I wish you all the luck you need as you deal with your lives.

You are all still doing an Amazing Job. One Day at a Time you do the tough stuff. Others don't for their reasons. You Do.

Please don't forget that.

I am a very reliable and trustworthy person but I find low mood sometimes forces me to be unreliable. Decent friends understand this.