Why are men reluctant to seek medical advice when they feel they may have problems developing?

I think you are right Grandad. It's easier for women after retirement to join groups where they can meet other women and have the opportunity for friendship, chat and sharing. Pity we don't have the Greek style coffee houses, where old men gather for hours at a time chatting and playing backgammon. The Friday night drink in the pub for men seems to have all but died out nowadays, but do think it's important for men to enjoy some "male bonding". Who know whether the Greek chaps discuss their prostates

Just heard BiL is to have his gall bladder out
OldMeg; I wish him all the best; will it be keyhole and are any stones involved from when he had the first signs? They'll take the lot out anyway
Don't tell him this, but my prob. was found during an ultrasound survey following my complaint to the doc. that I couldn't "burp" even though it felt like I needed to. Turned out it was a big gallstone, the size and shape of a medium sized green gherkin. He took the lot out and when I came to, it was sitting in a specimen jar at my bed-side.
I've still got it somewhere amongst my souvenirs. You wouldn't read about it! Awesome.

As I stated in an earlier post, I am 74 and very thankfully still fully fit. I have not been in hospital since I was three years old which I can hardly remember.

However, the thought of going into hospital totally destroys me. It's not the pain of an operation or some other treatment that causes that, it is the thought of numbers of people looking at me, examining me, pushing and pulling me about that totally "puts me off". I suppose if you are in enough pain you take no notice of that.

As I stated, I am still working fulltime, but I have wondered if retirement causes men to become more isolated and therefore even more reluctant to seek medical advice without the pier pressure of other men around.

My wife and I did sell the Business in 2013 to retire. However, we returned to "help out" after a few months (don't ask long story) and we are still there. However, in those few months I did experience the loss of not having numbers of people around to chat to each day. Strangely Carol my wife did not experience the same.

At present us "older generation" of men in the office are always joking about the declining years and in that health gets discussed in a solely male environment which I think is important at times.

Brit TV is alive and well thank you Rufus. There are several good series on at the moment, and as I write we are waiting with bated breath for the last episode of the excellent Bodyguard which is on tonight.

the best television I've seen this year
Doesn't say much for the rest of the programmes. I've often heard it said that Brit. TV is not what it used to be, but it's probably better than going to hospital to see repeats of your fav. prog. I assume all went well; did you get any souvenir snaps?

Grummpa . I had one of those, quite interesting and watching it on the screen is strangely a distraction from how it is happening!

PS can they do a PKR? Partial Knee Replacement
OldMeg; Don't know, but prior to my No.2 TKR he did an arthroscopy, a sort of clean-up, but I felt that was simply giving him another chance to get more funds for his kids' school fees! Did nothing for my knee and we went for a TKR. shortly afterwards, matching the 1st. Both due to osteoarthritis and both excellent results.

PS can they do a PKR? Partial Knee Replacement.

Talking of men not getting problems looked at. I had two GC staying over last night and when DS came to pick them up he showed me his arm was very swollen right up to and past the elbow. Hot, red and painful to the touch. Had to almost force him to go to A&E.

He’s there now and I still have the GC!

Thanks Lazigirl .

TKR = total knee replacement.

There’s your answer Rufus - your credit card! It’s free over here.....so far! Just heard BiL is to have his gall bladder out next week.

What’s TKRs?

though he may be thinking "Not him again!"
Elegran: Thanks for that pat on the back! Don't worry about what my doc. thinks. He's always pleased to see me and my credit card and sends me off to the path. lab. every 6 months for a veritable alphabet soup of blood test acronyms. OAP= no fee. I'm on a warfarin prog. requiring 3 weekly visits, but fortunately I"m still young enough to re-generate more for next time. One thing I'm a coward over is watching the needle go into my arm. I saw it done a long time ago and nearly fainted at the length that went in! That was back in the days when you didn't go on a Friday because the needles were getting quite blunt by then.!
Now, I've got a list of procedures as long as your arm, gall bladder removal, TKRs, pseudo- cyst on the pancreas etc that I could give chapter and verse on, just say the word.
Inspite of all that, my doc (a very friendly Chinese fellow) has promised to "get me through to 100", but I reply "what about quality"?
Anyway that should be enough for now!
Good Luck everyone.

Elegran - yes to the car but he wouldn't even notice dead patches on the grass

"He had no other men in his life to discuss 'male' problems with" and the other men he knew were in exactly the same position - they thought that they were the only people among their friends and workmates with the problems. If they would just mention it they would probably find someone else who had no-one to speak to about it either!

If their car were making strange noises that they couldn't trace, they would ask a mechanic to take a look. If the lawn developed dead patches for no obvous reason they would ask a neighbour if the same was happening there.

My husband won't go to the doctors until it's absolutely the last option - he says they're not interested and resents having to sit in the waiting room as his appointment time comes and goes as they're generally late. That said he has had several ops over the years but only when things have got too bad to ignore. Like you Rufus he had a prostrate op/bladder stone removal by epidural (he has sleep apnoea so they don't like to give him a full anaesthetic) some years ago and watched it all on a tv monitor. He had no other men in his life to discuss 'male' problems with until a few months ago when he had to go for a scan following suddenly being taken ill one day and discovered a work colleague was also having the same scan. He does tell me if there is something wrong but then won't follow up with a dr's appointment without a lot of nagging.

I suppose men vary just as women vary but, in general terms, I think a lot of men don't like discussing personal issues of any sort. From quite an early age, many women have gynaecological examinations for an assortment of reasons and I suppose women get used to such things.

I think things are changing though with Well Man Clinics etc. Forums like this probably encourage a few men to go to the Dr about issues.

Prostate problems can cause sexual difficulties. I suppose a lot of men feel embarrassment over what they wrongly perceive as a failure on their part and can't bring themselves to discuss it.

grandad1943 your post implies that you have not actually been to see a GP about your concerns/thoughts about your prostate (forgive me if I'm wrong but that's how I read what you said).
Please, for your wife's sake go and get yourself checked. My DH has had prostate cancer (many years ago) and whilst life hasn't been without its problems since, he is still with me. If I felt he valued our time together so lightly that he was prepared to chance losing it for male pride I would be very upset (not to say b*****livid)
It takes more guts to go and talk to the GP about your problems than it does to be a coward and sit quietly back and let it happen. If anything happens to you (and I hope for your sake it doesn't), you will be gone and your wife will be on her own to pick up the pieces and carry on on her own. Sorry but get yourself to the GP and man up! (If I've misread the situation I humbly apologise)

Got fed up with DH telling me to stop mumbling that I made him an appointment with audiologist.

If I felt my DF needed to see the Doctor I just made the appointment and told him to attend or cancel (never cancelled)

On the other side of the coin we have a male relative (not DH) who is a hypochondriac and quite wearing on us and I'm sure the doctor!

There is a happy medium, OldMeg, isn't there? If you are there every week with some story or other, it is like the boy who cried "Wolf!"

I think it is at least partly as I posted earlier - the animal instinct not to reveal a weakness. There is also the male attitude of always being right, always strong, and "not giving in". Often, though, giving in and asking for help can be the way to win.

There is also the peer pressure that "Grandad1943* felt. His colleague advised him to see the GP, but knowing that the advice came from someone who would not have done that himself was probably a factor in his not following the advice. Incidentally, the GP would not have minded being consulted about symptoms which then went away. Sometimes symptoms go away only to return later. If Grandad's do , I hope he will make that appointment PDQ!

Men just don't want to be fussy or be seen less than fighting fit. My DH had a fatal heart attack 5 yrs ago I had noticed he was rubbing his arm and shoulder for a few days, he fobbed it off as a muscle strain, no reason to be concerned I let it go.
Next morning, he had got up in the night sat down in the lounge and had a massive heart attack, he was gone. Devastation is not the word, totally unexpected.

He had not seen a doctor for 20 yrs, kept putting it off. So all you Grans get your man to have a check up every 5 yrs at least even if you have drag him there.

Constant visits to the GP can be counterproductive sometimes though. I mentioned my BiL earlier who will visit GP at the drop of a hat. He demands antibiotics for colds, cures for constipation, etc. He was on a plethora of medication for this that and the other.

You’d have thought, as indeed Elegran did, as indeed did I, that he’d be well monitored for potentially life-threatening conditions. But that wasn’t the case. He had a heart attack while driving....luckily he’d just turned off the M6 onto a minor road, and managed to pull over. Just. His wife phoned 999 and he was blue-lighted to the nearest A&E.

Apparently he had three coronary arteries almost completely blocked and had to have a triple by-pass operation. This should have been picked up on a visit to his GP days beforehand when he went complaining of breathlessness. But, I suspect the attitude might have been ‘not Mr M again’.

Elegran, apologies for joining the thread late but I have been busy work wise and engaged on an alternative thread when on GN.

Just to give my background, I am seventy-four years old and still fully fit, working full time and never been in hospital since I was three years old which I cannot remember. There are three other males in our work office all over the age over sixty, and we very often discuss with humour around the water cooler our reluctance to "go to the doctors" when we feel we may have problems developing.

By example to the above, a few weeks ago I felt I had prostate problems developing. I did not tell my wife of fifty years, Carol of the problem, as I knew she would be on the phone to our GP immediately making an appointment for me.

I did tell one of the older members of the company while in work, and he advised that I see my GP, but having known him for over fifteen years I felt he would be reluctant to do what he advised even though he had I hip replacement three years ago. The foregoing he admitted to when we joked about the matter some days later as the symptoms disappeared.

I believe with many women that in pregnancy and childbirth they are "pushed, pulled and examined so often that all embarrassment and phobias eventually disappear making them far more relaxed in regard to medical matters.

However, all four of us in the office admit to very great reluctance to seek medical advice when we feel something may be developing and I am sure that is the situation with very many men especially as they grow older.

At the age seventy-four I realise that " something will eventually get me", but I also know that like many men I will in all probability not seek medical attention until the symptoms are so intense I absolutely have to.

So, why is it that us males are so reluctant to seek out the doctor even when we know we should do. Perhaps its the thought of displaying our more intimate parts, but I feel it is much deeper than that and a psychological matter that is within the gender that no one seems able to explain.

My DH goes to the docs as soon as he has a problem, which is how his prostrate cancer was discovered early fortunately. It's me who never goes.

I think it's good to research things first - saves doc from having to google . Your DH is amazing btw paddyann.

My OH is good at getting medical advice ,when he had a heart attack in the middle of the night he left me sleeping and phoned NHS24 for advice ,When they confirmed that it was a heart attack ,he opened the door for the Ambulance driver and woke me up with the instructions not to panic as he was in control...lol.Thankfully even though they discovered this wasn't the first heart attack he'd had in the few weeks before he is absolutely fine.He does research things before he sees the GP though and I'm sure it drives his doctor nuts.Only because he's usually spot on with his diagnosis .