Why are men reluctant to seek medical advice when they feel they may have problems developing?

elegran you are so right. I am sure my father died of prostate cancer. It was never diagnosed because he kept all the symptoms to himself and would not go to the GP.

My brother had dementia and in it's early stages when my SIL suspected it he would not go to see the doctor and got cross with her for suggesting it. By the time he was coerced to see the GP (under false pretences really) it was far too late for any medication to help.

Men just need to realise that hiding their head in the sand will not cure a health problem or make it go away. The earlier it is diagnosed, the more options for treatment are available and the better the chance of recovery.

widespread aversion to admitting that they are not well
Elegran; Evidence? Admitting to whom; doctor, family, friends?
Btw. Count me out! I'm at the GPs in a flash!

Are you perhaps my BIL Rufus?

He’s such a regular there that if he misses a week they ring home to see if he’s genuinely ill ?

I think your diagnosis is spot-on, elegran, which is why I suspect men would not want to discuss it in an open forum. We want to discuss our strengths!

As for the prostate, Doodle, the history of inaccurate diagnosis and wrong treatment is pretty off-putting, and for some reason it has never received the same attention as, say, lung cancer or breast cancer. Can it be because male physicians have not, historically, wanted to study something which highlights a male vulnerability?

Many if not most women gain familiarity with GP surgeries, hospitals, undressing and intimate procedures, in their comparative youth and in a time of hope. Many men experience all this only in later life and downward spiral.

I am glad to hear that you look after your health, Rufus and I am sure that your doctor is too (though he may be thinking "Not him again!" when you turn up.) By keeping him up-to-date you make it easier for a diagnosis to be reached if and when you bring him a serious condition. OldMeg's BiL too will have all his problems noted down and added up.

Grumppa I'd say that you too are spot-on with your prediction that men don't want to discuss their (possible) weaknesses and that the topic won't be such a magnet to attract and interest male posters as Grandad1943 hopes, but at least it seems a couple of our male posters have stuck their heads above the parapet to reply - and on a health topic too! All is not lost.

That is true, winterwhite. Women do get used to being prodded and inspected when they attend pre-natal appointments. They also learn then the importance of regular check-ups and preventative action. Perhaps if men had to attend pre-paternity appointments in parallel with their wives while they are in their prime it would be good training for when they are older and vulnerable.

men would not want to discuss it in an open forum.
Grumppa; It's completely anonymous so what's the problem? You're condoning the very situation that this thread is hoping to overcome, talk about it with sensible people rather than down at the pub. I've had an enlarged prostate reduced by two- thirds years ago. When I suddenly started peeing blood without any prior symptoms that was sufficient incentive to see the doc. It has veins apparently! The op. was fascinating. Under an epidural I was able to view proceedings on a small colour monitor, although not very clear, not HD.
He handed out a small coloured snap of what he had done, but being a bit of a cynic, I wondered later on whether it was a general purpose one he gave to every patient.
Sorry about that! I enjoyed talking about it. Happy memories!

You are funny Rufus ? but good for you I don’t think I d want to watch any procedures but each to his own eh

I'm not condoning anything, Rufus2, just venturing an opinion. I should add that my colonoscopy in January was the best television I've seen this year.

There is a great deal in the medical and nursing literature about this refusal to go to the GP and about non-compliance with drug regimes and clinical management programmes. As far as I can tell no firm conclusion has ever been reached that could be applied across the board. Fear, embarrassment and denial play a part but it cant be generalised.

My H is off to the doc as quick as a flash whereas I faff about for ages before deciding to make an appt. I never want to waste their time if it's not life threatening! I know quite a few chaps who are hypochondriacs and always at the surgery. I think it is possibly a generational thing and older men are reluctant to seek help? May be wrong - no doubt will soon hear on here if I am!

My OH is good at getting medical advice ,when he had a heart attack in the middle of the night he left me sleeping and phoned NHS24 for advice ,When they confirmed that it was a heart attack ,he opened the door for the Ambulance driver and woke me up with the instructions not to panic as he was in control...lol.Thankfully even though they discovered this wasn't the first heart attack he'd had in the few weeks before he is absolutely fine.He does research things before he sees the GP though and I'm sure it drives his doctor nuts.Only because he's usually spot on with his diagnosis .

I think it's good to research things first - saves doc from having to google . Your DH is amazing btw paddyann.

My DH goes to the docs as soon as he has a problem, which is how his prostrate cancer was discovered early fortunately. It's me who never goes.

Elegran, apologies for joining the thread late but I have been busy work wise and engaged on an alternative thread when on GN.

Just to give my background, I am seventy-four years old and still fully fit, working full time and never been in hospital since I was three years old which I cannot remember. There are three other males in our work office all over the age over sixty, and we very often discuss with humour around the water cooler our reluctance to "go to the doctors" when we feel we may have problems developing.

By example to the above, a few weeks ago I felt I had prostate problems developing. I did not tell my wife of fifty years, Carol of the problem, as I knew she would be on the phone to our GP immediately making an appointment for me.

I did tell one of the older members of the company while in work, and he advised that I see my GP, but having known him for over fifteen years I felt he would be reluctant to do what he advised even though he had I hip replacement three years ago. The foregoing he admitted to when we joked about the matter some days later as the symptoms disappeared.

I believe with many women that in pregnancy and childbirth they are "pushed, pulled and examined so often that all embarrassment and phobias eventually disappear making them far more relaxed in regard to medical matters.

However, all four of us in the office admit to very great reluctance to seek medical advice when we feel something may be developing and I am sure that is the situation with very many men especially as they grow older.

At the age seventy-four I realise that " something will eventually get me", but I also know that like many men I will in all probability not seek medical attention until the symptoms are so intense I absolutely have to.

So, why is it that us males are so reluctant to seek out the doctor even when we know we should do. Perhaps its the thought of displaying our more intimate parts, but I feel it is much deeper than that and a psychological matter that is within the gender that no one seems able to explain.

Constant visits to the GP can be counterproductive sometimes though. I mentioned my BiL earlier who will visit GP at the drop of a hat. He demands antibiotics for colds, cures for constipation, etc. He was on a plethora of medication for this that and the other.

You’d have thought, as indeed Elegran did, as indeed did I, that he’d be well monitored for potentially life-threatening conditions. But that wasn’t the case. He had a heart attack while driving....luckily he’d just turned off the M6 onto a minor road, and managed to pull over. Just. His wife phoned 999 and he was blue-lighted to the nearest A&E.

Apparently he had three coronary arteries almost completely blocked and had to have a triple by-pass operation. This should have been picked up on a visit to his GP days beforehand when he went complaining of breathlessness. But, I suspect the attitude might have been ‘not Mr M again’.

Men just don't want to be fussy or be seen less than fighting fit. My DH had a fatal heart attack 5 yrs ago I had noticed he was rubbing his arm and shoulder for a few days, he fobbed it off as a muscle strain, no reason to be concerned I let it go.
Next morning, he had got up in the night sat down in the lounge and had a massive heart attack, he was gone. Devastation is not the word, totally unexpected.

He had not seen a doctor for 20 yrs, kept putting it off. So all you Grans get your man to have a check up every 5 yrs at least even if you have drag him there.

There is a happy medium, OldMeg, isn't there? If you are there every week with some story or other, it is like the boy who cried "Wolf!"

I think it is at least partly as I posted earlier - the animal instinct not to reveal a weakness. There is also the male attitude of always being right, always strong, and "not giving in". Often, though, giving in and asking for help can be the way to win.

There is also the peer pressure that "Grandad1943* felt. His colleague advised him to see the GP, but knowing that the advice came from someone who would not have done that himself was probably a factor in his not following the advice. Incidentally, the GP would not have minded being consulted about symptoms which then went away. Sometimes symptoms go away only to return later. If Grandad's do , I hope he will make that appointment PDQ!

Got fed up with DH telling me to stop mumbling that I made him an appointment with audiologist.

If I felt my DF needed to see the Doctor I just made the appointment and told him to attend or cancel (never cancelled)

On the other side of the coin we have a male relative (not DH) who is a hypochondriac and quite wearing on us and I'm sure the doctor!

grandad1943 your post implies that you have not actually been to see a GP about your concerns/thoughts about your prostate (forgive me if I'm wrong but that's how I read what you said).
Please, for your wife's sake go and get yourself checked. My DH has had prostate cancer (many years ago) and whilst life hasn't been without its problems since, he is still with me. If I felt he valued our time together so lightly that he was prepared to chance losing it for male pride I would be very upset (not to say b*****livid)
It takes more guts to go and talk to the GP about your problems than it does to be a coward and sit quietly back and let it happen. If anything happens to you (and I hope for your sake it doesn't), you will be gone and your wife will be on her own to pick up the pieces and carry on on her own. Sorry but get yourself to the GP and man up! (If I've misread the situation I humbly apologise)

I suppose men vary just as women vary but, in general terms, I think a lot of men don't like discussing personal issues of any sort. From quite an early age, many women have gynaecological examinations for an assortment of reasons and I suppose women get used to such things.

I think things are changing though with Well Man Clinics etc. Forums like this probably encourage a few men to go to the Dr about issues.

Prostate problems can cause sexual difficulties. I suppose a lot of men feel embarrassment over what they wrongly perceive as a failure on their part and can't bring themselves to discuss it.

My husband won't go to the doctors until it's absolutely the last option - he says they're not interested and resents having to sit in the waiting room as his appointment time comes and goes as they're generally late. That said he has had several ops over the years but only when things have got too bad to ignore. Like you Rufus he had a prostrate op/bladder stone removal by epidural (he has sleep apnoea so they don't like to give him a full anaesthetic) some years ago and watched it all on a tv monitor. He had no other men in his life to discuss 'male' problems with until a few months ago when he had to go for a scan following suddenly being taken ill one day and discovered a work colleague was also having the same scan. He does tell me if there is something wrong but then won't follow up with a dr's appointment without a lot of nagging.

"He had no other men in his life to discuss 'male' problems with" and the other men he knew were in exactly the same position - they thought that they were the only people among their friends and workmates with the problems. If they would just mention it they would probably find someone else who had no-one to speak to about it either!

If their car were making strange noises that they couldn't trace, they would ask a mechanic to take a look. If the lawn developed dead patches for no obvous reason they would ask a neighbour if the same was happening there.