Where to go for help

There are a series of books written by dr Claire weekes.they are probably out of print now. They helped me so much during this awful time. She understands.she is calm and kind.
I even slept with it under my pillow.
Self help for your nerves. Try amazon. Worth a try. Tell him also that if nothing changes things will stay the same.little tiny steps, build up confidence. Sitting indoors is not good the only things you think about is you.so the circle goes on and on. Can you visit him. Bless you for caring so much.

From the OP
'I thought mental health was supposed to be much higher priority these days. Doesn’t seem like it.'
How can it be, when professionals in mental health are allegedly leaving in droves with no hope of replacement? As I read in last Sunday's Observer.

Sometimes we can't get the full picture especially from afar.
Are you sure it is MH alone?
Does he have a proper diagnosis of depression and anxiety?
Any suspicion of alchohol or drugs?
What do his parents think?

bluebelle
I too wondered why CBT was being mentioned when he's already had it.

I haven’t read it yet but Matt Haigs book Notes on a nervous planet seems to be appropriate. I suffer from anxiety albeit not to the level you describe CBT didn’t help but breathing exercises did. I think your nephew will need small steps as others have suggested. Local places to go with people who won’t flinch if he says he wants to go home or who can encourage the breathing if he gets anxious

Did he lose his job due to his depression? It's a vicious circle as being stuck in the house with no means of getting out to meet people will make his health worse. You haven't mentioned how his parents are coping with his mental health issues - are they ignoring it and hoping he'll 'snap out of it' - if so that won't be helping. You sound a very caring aunt and I wonder if perhaps you could get up to stay with him and then help him make the journey to your house. This might of course make his anxiety worse but it might be that if he could stay with you he'd be able to register with a new GP and have better treatment?

Personally I’ve found this advice from Mind to be most helpful:

www.mind.org.uk/media/1877991/mind-guide-to-seeking-help-2015-web-pdf.pdf

It recommends the steps to take after seeing your GP.

You do not mention your nephew's parents or family who live near him? Are they part of the problem or willing to help?

Lots of good advice about referrals via MIND and possibly some psychotherapy, IAPT is ok for some but is essentially short term.

MIND or CAPE will also know about walking for health, cooking classes and possibly other projects that get isolated people out of their bedrooms.

I would want to know why he is on medication for so long without any apparent improvement. Certainly you could visit and see what can be done about him getting out a bit. Is there a sport centre nearby? Our local GPS have some kind of system whereby they can refer patients for three months free membership of the local sports centre. Seems to be doing a lot of good.

Easy stuff like going to the cinema can help. If you were visiting, he might like to go with you to see a film, maybe a drink or snack?

Just a few thoughts. Depression is so tiring, it can be of great benefit if someone else initiates a few things. Getting started is the main thing.

Why don’t people read the thread, people are suggesting CBT but he’s already had CBT
Please don’t all blame the doctor he has been trying different anti depressants for the nephew and also arranged CBT so he/she sounds as if they have tried
What do his parents say or do about his situation ?
What happened five years ago to cause him to lose his job and become isolated ?
Does he want help from you?
Mental heath teams are often so underfunded in some areas that their hands are tied so much that the help they can give without long waiting lists is very limited they are stretched beyond recognition Charities like Mind can be enormously helpful though
You sound a lovely caring person Nannyto3 but where are the parents in this scenario

Catterygirl I think you need to start your own thread this is about Nannyto3 s nephew

My sister never visited our sick mum and got more money. Luckily mum appreciated me being there in the hard times and paid for luxury hotel accommodation for me and gave me cash by post weekly. Clever mum. I am abroad in Turkey. My sister who refused to help our dying mum as sis needed a holiday she refused to give up for anyone sent me a What's App from her tent giving me hell. They are on holiday in a tent because her husband refuses to pay for a hotel. We are treating ourselves to a 5 star in Antalya in two days. We lost both our detached homes and have a spiteful landlady so fingers crossed for a new home here. Seeing Estée agent on Friday. One bedroom flat £21000 which we may be able to scrape together. Wish us luck ladies.

As steps you can take, I suggest like another contributor, that you contact MIND, and google other mental health support groups - there are lots many of which involve group meetings and these have the benefit that depressed young people can feel some kind of normalisation about their situation rather than feeling isolated. He should also self-refer for counselling but someone may need to do this because usually at the initial stage there will be a triage counsellor who will need to take details of how he feels over the phone and he may not be up to that. But he should, with your help maybe, be proactive in seeking help. He might also think about a little volunteering whilst he is unemployed. That might also get him out of the house.
The bigger problem is however the political nature of decisions about providing for mental health issues. Living in London I am in the thick of an enormous population, knife and gun crime, and the blatant evidence that we need more funding for mental health care but in the age of austerity there's not a chance of this - it's all rhetoric - and what beats me is that so many of those needing help still vote Tory!!

Mum's inheritance was about £8,000 but they took it off me. My sister in France got the same amount but they said it was ok as she lives abroad.

I am an almost qualified psychotherapist and was recently bullied by my local council because mum paid her inheritance into my bank account which they told me was illegal. My GP burst into tears and said I would be ok. She gave me a hug. I had CBT which was useless, possibly because I was trained in it and it is a bit hippy. Deep breathing seems to help.

My gd suffers with mental health issues, anxiety and panic attacks. She takes medication. She attends CAMHS but is 18 in October and will come under the doctor, we do get her medication already from her doctor and we would be able to access a counsellor for her if she wishes.

Small steps in encouraging DN to stretch himself. Is it possible you could visit him and take him out say for lunch. He sounds so insecure in his ability to cope with anything different. A long trip on his own would be too much. Shirt outings to fairly familiar settings could help boost him eventually building his confidence. Such a waste and must be so hard to see your DN basically waste his life.

I feel very sad reading messages like this as it must be very difficult for your nephew. I applaud you for trying to help.

Your encouragement and support, I'm sure, in time will bring a positive outcome. As some one has mentioned an organisation like Mind will have many tips/advice on coping mechanisms. I suspect his bedroom has become a comfort blanket for him and there will be no quick solution.

Are you able to visit and maybe go for a short walk with him, say to the park or a safe quiet coffee shop. I think baby steps are needed along with moral and emotional support gradually building this up to travel further until someone is able to maybe drive him to yours when he is ready.

Best of luck and well done you.

See another GP.

Aside from all the excellent advice above about therapy/groupwork, if after five years no medication has produced any improvement, it’s well past time for a referral to psychiatry for secondary care review.

If you’d like to PM me feel free ?

Hi Nannyto3 - MH should be High in the agenda, sadly it’s not and we still suffer in the health lottery.

I’m a MH trainer who trained with MIND. Depending on the area you can get a great service or not a great service. It depends who runs the centres. Where I live the charity is ‘ok’ but in the next borough it’s fantastic what they offer.

I would suggest contacting the local group to see if they can help. Also you could contact SANE who are pretty good.

My personal favourites are BLURT blurtitout.org and for men CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. calmzone.net These can all be found online and in social media (Fb/Twitter etc)

I hope your nephew gets the help and support he needs, changing GP is sometimes the only way to move forward with issues that he feels aren’t being addressed.

He can self refer for counselling too as I think has been suggested before.

I hope he can find the strength to ask for some help. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do when you suffer depression and anxiety, and can be a long drawn out process.

Your offer of coming to stay with you for a while is lovely, but think about how he would get there as it’s so far away. Can he travel on his own or would you need to pick him up? It’s little things like that which could cause him to decline your lovely offer.

Mostly I’d guess he needs to start talking about himself, how he feels and needs a safe person to open up to a little. I hope you’ll be able to get him to respond, sounds like you have his welfare at heart and you’re really worried.

Good luck to you and him in finding some help. Sometimes you just have to go look for it and initiate it yourself x

Very sorry to hear about your nephew. Does he phone you when he is feeling especially down? Or are there other people he can reach out when’s he is feeling in the throes of depression or seeming appearing desperate? This is is really vital. Knowing he has someone to talk to (a friend not GP or helpline) can make all the difference.

Check if there is a walk in mental health clinic in his area. They are not well promoted but there should be a mental health directory for his local council. They are usually set up by mind but with the NHS and the local Council.
My GP was no help. He thought that exercise was a magic solution. Spending time with you if the journey, packing etc. can be made easy sounds like a good idea but bear in mind that even the mildest suggestion of help can feel like pressure when you are at your lowest and people with depression are not usually looking for someone to cure it but just to know that they have support and have practical help. It is difficult because everyone is different and has different stages.

Who are we kidding that mental health has a high priority, Teresa May has fine words but where are the deeds?

Defo try another GP - cognitive behaviour therapy using facetime helped someone I know.

Why not try and find a way for him to self-refer for counselling which is available via most surgeries nowadays?

My son in law has a high pressure job and was recently diagnosed with depression. His bosses response? "You need to pull yourself together and set an example to the younger members of the team". There's a lot of talk about mental health but so little understanding.