Where to go for help

Could you perhaps go with to the gp?
Its a long trip, I know, but he might appreciate someone 'taking up the reins.'

I’ve suggested it MissAdventure, but he doesn’t want me to.

Oh that's such a shame.
The thing is though, that when you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, everything seems too much effort.

You are a caring, loving auntie and he is lucky to have you in his life. Your suggestion of him visiting for a change of scenery seems like a good idea. Is it possible for you to go there to accompany him to your home? The journey itself could be a good first step to his new life, away from the confines of his room. I think baby steps for now with encouragement as he goes. It's so hard and there is only so much the GP's can/will do. You don't say what his parents' attitude or position is but maybe they have become apathetic over the years.

How about contacting MIND www.mind.org.uk/information-support/ , the charity that helps and advises those with mental illness or concerned about someone with a mental illness.

And try another GP.....they are not all the same, some fantstic and others terrible.

I don't suppose any GP has an instant cure for this. Poor lad. He must have been referred on as he's had CBT.
I assume he's on benefits? As part of this is he not supposed to attend various group type activities? That can be beneficial.
I was very struck by the Johann Hari book on depression. A lot of useful insight and info. It certainly helped me to find a different way of looking at and understanding depression. Practical help too.

Ask about CBT, I am sure somebody else may have suggested it. You can usually self refer to the local 'IAPT' service in most areas. Just go online to your nearest NHS service. Hope he finds the help he needs - and deserves.

My son in law has a high pressure job and was recently diagnosed with depression. His bosses response? "You need to pull yourself together and set an example to the younger members of the team". There's a lot of talk about mental health but so little understanding.

Why not try and find a way for him to self-refer for counselling which is available via most surgeries nowadays?

Defo try another GP - cognitive behaviour therapy using facetime helped someone I know.

Who are we kidding that mental health has a high priority, Teresa May has fine words but where are the deeds?

Check if there is a walk in mental health clinic in his area. They are not well promoted but there should be a mental health directory for his local council. They are usually set up by mind but with the NHS and the local Council.
My GP was no help. He thought that exercise was a magic solution. Spending time with you if the journey, packing etc. can be made easy sounds like a good idea but bear in mind that even the mildest suggestion of help can feel like pressure when you are at your lowest and people with depression are not usually looking for someone to cure it but just to know that they have support and have practical help. It is difficult because everyone is different and has different stages.

Very sorry to hear about your nephew. Does he phone you when he is feeling especially down? Or are there other people he can reach out when’s he is feeling in the throes of depression or seeming appearing desperate? This is is really vital. Knowing he has someone to talk to (a friend not GP or helpline) can make all the difference.

Hi Nannyto3 - MH should be High in the agenda, sadly it’s not and we still suffer in the health lottery.

I’m a MH trainer who trained with MIND. Depending on the area you can get a great service or not a great service. It depends who runs the centres. Where I live the charity is ‘ok’ but in the next borough it’s fantastic what they offer.

I would suggest contacting the local group to see if they can help. Also you could contact SANE who are pretty good.

My personal favourites are BLURT blurtitout.org and for men CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. calmzone.net These can all be found online and in social media (Fb/Twitter etc)

I hope your nephew gets the help and support he needs, changing GP is sometimes the only way to move forward with issues that he feels aren’t being addressed.

He can self refer for counselling too as I think has been suggested before.

I hope he can find the strength to ask for some help. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do when you suffer depression and anxiety, and can be a long drawn out process.

Your offer of coming to stay with you for a while is lovely, but think about how he would get there as it’s so far away. Can he travel on his own or would you need to pick him up? It’s little things like that which could cause him to decline your lovely offer.

Mostly I’d guess he needs to start talking about himself, how he feels and needs a safe person to open up to a little. I hope you’ll be able to get him to respond, sounds like you have his welfare at heart and you’re really worried.

Good luck to you and him in finding some help. Sometimes you just have to go look for it and initiate it yourself x

If you’d like to PM me feel free ?

See another GP.

Aside from all the excellent advice above about therapy/groupwork, if after five years no medication has produced any improvement, it’s well past time for a referral to psychiatry for secondary care review.

I feel very sad reading messages like this as it must be very difficult for your nephew. I applaud you for trying to help.

Your encouragement and support, I'm sure, in time will bring a positive outcome. As some one has mentioned an organisation like Mind will have many tips/advice on coping mechanisms. I suspect his bedroom has become a comfort blanket for him and there will be no quick solution.

Are you able to visit and maybe go for a short walk with him, say to the park or a safe quiet coffee shop. I think baby steps are needed along with moral and emotional support gradually building this up to travel further until someone is able to maybe drive him to yours when he is ready.

Best of luck and well done you.

Small steps in encouraging DN to stretch himself. Is it possible you could visit him and take him out say for lunch. He sounds so insecure in his ability to cope with anything different. A long trip on his own would be too much. Shirt outings to fairly familiar settings could help boost him eventually building his confidence. Such a waste and must be so hard to see your DN basically waste his life.

My gd suffers with mental health issues, anxiety and panic attacks. She takes medication. She attends CAMHS but is 18 in October and will come under the doctor, we do get her medication already from her doctor and we would be able to access a counsellor for her if she wishes.

I am an almost qualified psychotherapist and was recently bullied by my local council because mum paid her inheritance into my bank account which they told me was illegal. My GP burst into tears and said I would be ok. She gave me a hug. I had CBT which was useless, possibly because I was trained in it and it is a bit hippy. Deep breathing seems to help.

Mum's inheritance was about £8,000 but they took it off me. My sister in France got the same amount but they said it was ok as she lives abroad.

As steps you can take, I suggest like another contributor, that you contact MIND, and google other mental health support groups - there are lots many of which involve group meetings and these have the benefit that depressed young people can feel some kind of normalisation about their situation rather than feeling isolated. He should also self-refer for counselling but someone may need to do this because usually at the initial stage there will be a triage counsellor who will need to take details of how he feels over the phone and he may not be up to that. But he should, with your help maybe, be proactive in seeking help. He might also think about a little volunteering whilst he is unemployed. That might also get him out of the house.
The bigger problem is however the political nature of decisions about providing for mental health issues. Living in London I am in the thick of an enormous population, knife and gun crime, and the blatant evidence that we need more funding for mental health care but in the age of austerity there's not a chance of this - it's all rhetoric - and what beats me is that so many of those needing help still vote Tory!!

My sister never visited our sick mum and got more money. Luckily mum appreciated me being there in the hard times and paid for luxury hotel accommodation for me and gave me cash by post weekly. Clever mum. I am abroad in Turkey. My sister who refused to help our dying mum as sis needed a holiday she refused to give up for anyone sent me a What's App from her tent giving me hell. They are on holiday in a tent because her husband refuses to pay for a hotel. We are treating ourselves to a 5 star in Antalya in two days. We lost both our detached homes and have a spiteful landlady so fingers crossed for a new home here. Seeing Estée agent on Friday. One bedroom flat £21000 which we may be able to scrape together. Wish us luck ladies.