Hiding health problems

I have kept going for further tests after a suspicious mammography between DH and myself only telling the rest of the family afterwards. I would do the same again, but if a serious illness was diagnosed I would feel bound to mention it to DS and DIL.

I would be very hurt if they kept anything serious to themselves "so as not to worry you". I would know or suspect something was wrong and would prefer to know the truthl

Thank you to Thorntrees and Vintage1950 for their kind comments and good wishes. I have been through the Total Denial (why me when I don’t smoke/drink/take drugs etc) and am now trying to cope with all the Hospital tests and waiting for results. But at least most of the Hospital Drs have been fairly positive so far - but most of them look too young to be fully trained! ?

Hmmmn.
A third here just having shared the news with my offspring about bladder cancer . Somebody asked why tell them, I am a awaiting a procedure that could lead to whole lot more that is why they need to be prepared as much as you do ?

I think you sent me a private message smurf44 which I think I deleted by mistake- sorry Im not very good at this being new to forums and couldn’t work out how to access it. If I can help you with anything please ask me again and I’ll try to not delete it this time.[?]

We didn't tell our children or any other family when I was under going tests for breast cancer, there was no point in them jumping on the anxiety train with us at that point.
We did tell them once it was confirmed but only then those that we felt needed to know.

I would tell my husband and children. I feel they are entitled to know.

I told my family when having been referred to breast clinic I was sure it was cancer and unfortunately was right they would have gone mad if I hadn't don't know how people keep it secret when having chemo if you see them regularly would like to send wishes to those going through tests or tratment

I have a complicated series of semi related health problems. I am registered as disabled. This will very likely be found in some of my relatives. My relatives have been told. There is no cure. No one is willing to have the test. I wish I had the opportunity to know early.
I also attend a lot of hospital appointments. Mostly there has been someone who would be willing to come with me but not always Recently I have had 2 hospital appointments for the first I really had to ask if someone would come with me. The next appointment was checked so that it did not interfere with work times (shifts) On the day I waited for that relative to contact me. They didn't so I went alone. I felt awful after having to seriously ask the previous time. The next day said person contacted me and I asked why did you not come with me. I was told they had not said that they would. Then the conversation turned to when will you arrive to babysit? I was ill with the drugs used and probably the nerves from the previous day and said I could not come. From that day I have been cut off. Apparently if I don't act as childminder I can not be a Nan. I then had an appointment with GP who said go to hospital right now. I went to that alone too. I am still here.

You are between a rock and a hard place with Family. My brother failed to tell me that my sister had helped herself to a substantial amount of money from our vulnerable Father. I was annoyed as I didn’t think it was his responsibility to decide for me what I should worry about.
My husband avoided telling his Mother anything. It made her furious.
We tend to tell our children everything to do with health,
but they are Doctors. It worries them, so I am undecided.
If I had a terminal illness, then I think I would tell everyone, so that I could say goodbye.

I tend to keep things to myself at first but as I often need my DD to help with Hospital Appointments I do confide in her & her OH. I do like to know what's wrong first. Sometimes you don't want to worry others unnecessarily

I wouldn't want to tell my DM as she's 89 & lives about 300 miles away but I would discuss this with DD.

Perhaps it depends on the nature of the health problem. Yes, I'd certainly tell my children if anything serious was wrong but I would not bother to tell them about trifling things. They do not live particularly near me.

A few years ago, there was a possibility that I had rheumatoid lung, a terminal condition. People usually die within three months of diagnostic.
I had been researching it, when my daughter asked to use my PC. I forgot to clear my history and my daughter saw my search.
All hell let loose, because I hadn't told anyone, but I felt that there was no point in worrying my family until I had a diagnosis.

My daughter has multiple health problems ,my GS has been ill for the past three months and isn't getting better so it will be more hospital visits for us.I take him because my daughter is mainly confined to bed.
I have health issues , a disc problem and a bleeding problem.I couldn't tell my daughter and have her worry about me when she has so much on her plate already .That would be selfish .I wouldn't hav etold my mother either as my fathers mantra was dont worry your mother .

I've recently lost my sister to a brain tumour that none of her family knew anything about. Only after she collapsed with a seizure did they find out from the hospital records that she'd been diagnosed with this terrible terminal tumour six weeks prior and had decided to keep it to herself and to refuse chemo. It was inoperable and she'd been given the prognosis. She lived miles away from me but we talked regularly on the phone and not once did I guess anything was wrong.
I respected her right to live her last weeks as normally as possible without us all fussing and worrying but it breaks my heart that she went through it all alone.

Westerlywind I really feel for you, it is incredibly hard to do these things alone but often even relatives just don't think or may lack empathy. Sometimes they hide their heads in the sand as if any contact might make them vulnerable to having the same condition instead of understanding that it is in all your mutual genes. I hope that you do let your family know exactly what is going on with you and suggest that you write a letter to tell them, not to criticise but to inform. You could add a request for support if you think it would be met with positivity otherwise I would try to get a friend to be that support as it is much better and less worrying to have a willing helper. The saying that you choose your friends but not your relatives strikes a chord for a reason.
You say that you are 'still there' so does that mean that you are an inpatient? I am thinking of you and hope you are managing, I am keeping you in my prayers.

We tend to 'keep quiet' if we can but I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. OH has so many problems we generally have to tell family what's going on. I'm not sure though why anyone would keep quiet only to mention it when they have the all clear. Seems a bit harsh on the family, like saying we really didn't trust you to help. Silverlining47 I'm sorry for all your worries. Thyroid problems are hereditary though so it's best to discuss it with family. They should have the choice to be tested too.

This is a timely thread for me - very anxious at the moment as I had some bleeding and ended up at out of hours surgery at the hospital. Hopeless doctor there (after an hour’s wait). Went to GP the next day and now (2 weeks later) have 2 appts next week for a scan and then seeing a consultant. Husband came with me / very supportive. We have 3 adult daughters - haven’t said anything to them yet. I’m very scared.

I had a call from my gp this week to say that following an overnight ecg I need to be referred to the cardiac unit. I havnt told my children, mainly because we have had a very difficult year or two with serious cancer issues and i don’t want to put any more stress on them. Am expecting to get a telling off when I do.

Polly I had a couple of heavy bleeding incidents post menopause which required investigation. Was told if it happened again I would need a hysterectomy. It didn’t come to that. Not sure if this helps, try not to worry, it’s not uncommon.

Thanks silverlining48. I’m trying to be rational and calm, but anxiety keeps creeping up on me. Hope your referral works out ok.

Polly48 I bleed regularly ,have had every test known and I have cysts and a fibroid that seem to be the cause.My almost 70 year old sister still bleeds too.Dont panic ,most bleeding isn't cancer,in fact I think my Gynaecologist said less than one in ten that he sees.Good luck with your appointment.I was offered a hysterectomy but being a total coward about surgery I refused .They didn't have a problem with that so I'll carry on as it is .

Thankspaddyann for the info. Sorry for your problems. I’m generally quite upbeat about things, but this has knocked me sideways for some reason.

Polly48, I too had heavy bleeding all the time. I dreaded going to work, you can't abandon a class of 30 children to run to the toilet. It wasn't cancer, but I did have a hysterectomy. It took a bit longer to recover, due to my underlying conditions, but oh it was so worth it! I got my life back. The bonus, no more smear tests either.
Hysterectomies are not everyone's choice, but it worked out well for me.
It's natural to worry and be afraid. The worst part is awaiting a diagnosis. Good luck with your appointment, it will soon be over.

Thanks Marydoll

Very timely post for me too. Have been referred to breast clinic as a precautionary measure. My GP who I have great faith in , is a belt and braces type of woman and takes no chances so in that respect I consider myself very fortunate. She is almost 100% convinced it's nothing " sinister" but still wants me checked out .

I am a health professional myself as are some family members, but it would never ever enter my head to tell anyone until there was actually something worth telling. It's like telling them every time I would go to the GP .

Obviously should anything untoward be found then that is a different scenario entirely. I feel I would owe to my AC,especially my three daughters so they may be aware and be extra vigilant themselves, and obviously for support too.

It obviously depends on individuals and their relationship with their families . As a mother I still tend to want to protect my " children" from anything that would upset or cause them undue stress. They all work in very busy stressful careers, and don't need any extra anxiety . The need to know phrase I think is one I live my life by.