So who cares for you?

I think I have said before, I am reminded of the title of Caitlin Thomas’s book ‘Left Over Life To Kill’, which she wrote after the death of Dylan Thomas .

That's to everyone on the thread.?

Its a lovely sunny morning in my part of Northern Ireland. I hope its sunny where you are and that you have a pleasant day.?

I was served in Joules recently by an exceptionally pretty young woman who was also totally bald. I am guessing alopecia rather than chemo as she looked so well.
She was perhaps lucky to have a beautifully shaped head and sim neck, but looked simply stunning.

Yes, apologies MawBroon your thread has wandered a bit but has been so helpful in getting people to talk about issues and feelings.

To lose it all is a nightmare to be honest. It had a terrible psychological impact on me and there is no help out there, you have to sort it out yourself. I'm grateful I didn't lose it due to chemotherapy but still. Mine will never grow back.
Anyway apologies. This thread is not about hair loss, we have some of those already!

My DH has masses of thick hair too KatyK far more than I have . I agree not fair. I think losing your hair saps your confidence as a woman .

That hair thing is unfair gilly My father had thick wavy hair right up until his death and all my hair has fallen out Oh well, who said life is fair?

I fear I would be rubbish in any sort of therapy. Please don’t take this miss Granny23 about seeing the little inner child just goes over my head.
I live in the now and the now is what I cope with.
The point of the thread was that throughout our lives we (most of us) are “somebody” to “somebody” - daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother, grandmother , a part of a unit called “us” until the point in our lives where that role is taken from us.
Many sad examples here

So much , not do much !

Thank you for your kind words Apricity

Your post makes do much sense Granny23. I seemed to have spent my entire adult life shielding my family from bad stuff. I never share my own problems with them ( do I even have any ?) . I have always had to be the strong one, the facilitator and the one who sorts stuff for the rest. I can’t imagibe in my wildest dreams asking for a favour in return . Mad isn’t it ?

My late grandma had amazing hair even in her 90’s . Mine started falling out in my 30’s around the time I was diagnosed with MS. So assumed it was stress related . Having read up on it more lately I think perhaps it is female pattern baldness ? Nothing I can do as I can’t afford any expensive weaves etc. The irony is that my hair on the sides and back is really thick and shiny.

Isn't it strange? My father was a violent, abusive, alcoholic who made his family's lives a total misery. In the last years of his life (he was only 69 when he died) we all made sure he was OK. I'm not sure why. I am living with the effects of my childhood every day.

My dad was a completely disinterested grandfather to my 2 children too annep I think he’s only showing interest in his great grandchildren (since my mum died) for fear of being left out and alone . Cynical and horrible of me to think like this I know.

Gillybob The one thing that is constantly stressed in advice for Carers is that you have to look after yourself as the FIRST priority. A classic case of putting on your own gas mask first before helping others to get their's on.

Another thing I have learned/realised in recent years is that my obsession with shielding my DDs and DGC from the realities of 24/7 caring has deprived them of opportunities to care for their DF. They have very busy lives but they both realise that there is a limited time in which they can still be recognised by and interact with their DF and they WANT to spend precious time with him and caring for him. This gives me the chance to 'do my own thing' for a short time and return, refreshed, to caring duties.

Gillybob I don't think he's a fake. He may have changed. My dad was much better with his grandchildren. We( his children) rarely saw him - I couldn't have had a conversation with him.
Is there nothing you can do to help your hair? My friend has something she applies as she has hereditary baldness. Personally I just keep trying different shampoos and conditioners. Elvive have some good products.
As for "not in a good place" then this is the very time you need to think about you!

Gillybob you are one of the powerful survivors I was particularly thinking of. Life has clearly dealt you some awful cards but boy are you a survivor. You are your own crowning glory. A toast just for you. ??

Yes I think you are right annep I look after my dad now that he is old and needs me, but feel very resentful of the past which it seems he has been able to put away as though it never happened. He was a cold hearted, control freak of a father, a rubbish non existent grandfather, but has had a virtual brain transplant into being a loving great grand father to MY grandchildren. Is he a fake? Is he making up for lost time or past mistakes? Or is it as I think that he is getting old and on his own and panicking ?

Unfortunately my hair is pathetic synonomous (definitely not my crowning glory) and going to the hairdressers is worse than a visit to the dentist. I can’t bear looking in the mirror or explaning that my hair is falling out on top so my scalp is very visible.

Granny23 I understand what you are saying but I’m not in a good place right now (am I ever?) so looking after me is very low down on a very long list.

Thank you all for the lovely kind comments.

A toast indeed. Some people are asked to bear so much suffering and sadness in life. And have done so with great courage. It makes me realise how fortunate I have been which sometimes I have not appreciated.

But what strength and fortitude those little girls have shown in their subsequent lives. I think we should drink a virtual toast to all those little survivors.

I thought you had to pay for sheltered dwellings?
Don't give up Anniebach.?

No Doodle, they will not even put me on the waiting list. No matter x

annie is there a chance of sheltered housing near your daughter rather than renting ?

Not possible annep , but thank you x

If you want to live close to her Anniebach I hope you find a way.