Should a dying person's wishes always be honoured?

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Its your brothers money and property to do what he sees fit to do with.
It may well be unfair, but its his to be unfair with.

It would cost her money to contest the will and she hasn't got it. There isn't a guarantee that she would either.

Can his daughter claim anything if she is left out ? In Scotland you can claim against a parent's estate but only the chash bank accounts etc. not property.

Thank you, Urmstongran.

Oh dollyjo just when things are bad they get worse. I’m sorry to hear this awful situation has now caused a rift between you and your son.
I can understand how you feel for your niece. But now your brother has remarried and made a new Will, unless he made provision for his daughter, that is no longer the case.
If your brother and his niece were estranged for a long period of time I suppose it’s not unreasonable that your brother grew closer to his lady friend (now wife).
It’s good you feel a little easier for posting on here. Writing stuff down does help.
Other than that what can you do? Nothing really. Look after yourself through all this so that you have some strength to draw on in the future, when you’ll need it. ?

This has gone from bad to worse! My son is now rejecting me because he has been told by my brother that he will gain a good deal of inheritance from my brother's will. My brother has already started to give some assets (property) to him.
So I am between a rock and a hard place. I did tell my brother that he was being unfair to his daughter and that resulted in me receiving a written reply from him in which he described me as a jealous and vindictive woman and I should stop interfering. He has told his new wife and my son not to tell me of his death and not to let me attend his funeral using words, I would never use.
By chance, my niece telephoned me to ask if her father is dying. She has a maternal uncle who is living near to one of my brother's properties. This took me by surprise and I said I could confirm he is ill. She wanted to know his address and I dodged telling her.
What a mess. I feel I need to repeat, I have never wanted, needed or expected anything for myself from my brother. I just hate injustice. my niece is a single parent who has an autistic child and she would greatly benefit from some of my brother's legacy. Until he married, meaning a new will is needed, I know that my brother had left one of his houses to his daughter previously. In my opinion, she is more entitled to it than my brother's new wife of around 6 weeks.
I could just butt out but it all feels so unfair.
It's so helpful to be able to sound off on here. Perhaps people will understand why I started this post along the lines of, "Should a dying person's wishes ALWAYS be upheld?'

I mentioned it to a friend at church last Sunday and she explained that she has visited many people who faced death in her pastoral care role. She really helped me by explaining that some people try to manipulate those left behind after their death using bullying or blackmailing techniques.
Her advise was to remember my brother as he was and not as he is now This really helped.
I have a lovely photo of my brother that I took on one of his many visits to my home. In it he is smiling directly back at me.
I took this into Boots the following day and had it copied. I now have it framed and on display in my living room. It makes me smile whenever I look at it.
I still haven't told any of our extended family members but I will do so when he has died, that is, if I am told by his 'new' wife.

Don't worry about it, billericaylady. I think most people have posted in the wrong place.
You could start another thread though, and you'd probably get more replies.

So sorry not used to using thus site posted on this thread in error.. how do I remove? :-(

Hi.
Im in My 50s and just found out I'm being made redundant after 16 years .. Afraid of the unknown but trying to be positive 're new beginnins...Have you been through this ...

Is always! This is the last thing he can desire.

Two things to consider:
Is your brother of sound mind? What was his purpose in telling you if he intends to marry and leave everything to his new wife, who will deal with funeral arrangements?

How close is your relationship with his daughter, your niece? How will she react when she learns of her father's actions, and your knowledge of them?

I am beginning to think perhaps you should inform her; write to your brother, registered delivery, and state that if he does not inform his daughter of his intentions by a certain date, you will.
It is a dreadful burden he is placing on you, and seems as though he is intent on furthering bad feeling between his surviving family after his death.
Or perhaps he is just a bitter old man who won't forgive and forget.

stressing

Knowing one's brother is going to die in the not too distant future because of a terminal illness does not strike me as a particularly onerous burden. I suppose it is the not being able to tell anyone else that is the burden. Having re-read the OP I see that the instruction was to tell no-one on the family. Do you have a good friend, someone with no connection to your family, dollyjo, with whom you could share the burden? An alternative might be a professional counsellor. That way you'd have kept to the instruction but had an outlet for what is streesing you.

pooohbear, your mention of direct cremation (no coffin, no service, ashes delivered to family if wanted) is the second time today I've read about it. Apparently it's becoming popular. It's what David Bowie wanted.

Many thanks to you all.

Sounds like a controlling man here who wants to continue his control even after death. Why on Earth is it reasonable to place such a burden on someone? He should be told to put his wishes in writing. A letter with his Will would be enough. IMHO OP should put this out of her mind completely and not be involved in his decision. My MIL caused immense problems with a similar situation. I try to be gracious as to her reasons but it’s difficult. Life is for the living as others have said and cannot be controlled beyond the grave

sadly this sort of things happens in families. I never spoke to either of my parents for over 20 yrs before they died for my own reasons and only attended my mothers funeral to support my younger brother who had had the burden of her for a number of years. I never attended my dads. My thinking on this was if I have had nothing to do with them when they were alive then why did I want anything to do with them or their will once they were gone.
My husbands wish when he dies is nobody is told until after he is cremated and he wants cremated with no service and nobody there. He has made all the family aware of his thoughts so that helps.

Yes, Shizam I wondered if he had told Dollyjo because he trusted her and knew that she would perhaps contact the family on his behalf ?
What a predicament, Dollyjo, maybe contact him again and have a very straight talk with him ?
This new wife situation might not allow this to happen , though ?

Going against opinion here, but I would tell them. Don’t know the whole history, obvs, but maybe a last chance for them all.
Once they’re dead, what’s the point?
Maybe he subconsciously wanted you to tell them, which is why he got so cross...

I agree with other posters Dollyjo. His children won't know that he told you of his illness unless you tell them surely.
Respect his wishes and stop fretting and keep your mouth shut for always.

I agree, why do people feel that they know better, if asked say nothing
You don't know why he wants nothing to do with them

Not really helpful 67George when this is clearly worrying the poster.