Should a dying person's wishes always be honoured?

Do as he asks. If he has had no contact with them through choice, his wishes should be acted upon.

I think you should respect his wishes, dollyjo, and tell him so, as it seems you were the only person close to him and he may need your support.

I would honour his wishes, as he obviously feels very strongly about it.

I think you should respect his wishes
Dollyjo however you may feel about this estrangement it is your friend's decision to make. Perhaps you could make contact again and say that whilst you are not comfortable with his decision you will respect it. At least then he will have you to support him. It is a very difficult situation I agree.

Sorry your relative, not friend

As someone who has asked my younger daughter that my sisters and extended family are not to be informed should I be hospitalised or die I think you should honour this persons wishes

Would he put it in a letter that you could keep for the future when it may become an issue for you?

I cannot imagine why you consider that you are in an awful situation.
Your relative has confided in you and you have no business in interfering with their wishes.

I am afraid you have to even if your own instinct is to do otherwise.
What a difficult position, but do put his wishes first. He has his reasons and they must count.

However unreasonable it may seem to you I guess that you have to respect his wishes and act accordingly.
Are you in contact with his children or could you easily avoid having to be in this position?
I heard of someone who requested an impossible to arrange funeral and the executors did the best compromise they could so perhaps avoiding contact might be possible?

I think you should respect his wishes too. He trusted you enough to tell you that is what he wanted and thought that you would respect that. I would write and tell him that you have thought further about it and will abide by his request.

My elder sister died in the the middle of changing her will. She was excluding me and two of our other siblings and adding in our place, three nieces (one of them ny daughter)
Her will was being prepared and was sent to her for signature but did not arrive until the day after she suddenly died. So the original will stood.

I decided that I should respect her wishes and I divided my bequest between the three nieces as she intended. The other two affected siblings did not. They kept their bequests.

I believe that I did the right thing and I hope that you decide that you should do that too.

Respect his wishes - no question.

Yes, hard though it may feel do respect his wishes. Would you feel better if contact was reinstated between you? If so why not send a card and write that your response was instinctive and now you have thought about it you will respect his wishes and would value contact again. If nothing else you will put his mind at rest.

I agree with the other posters - respect his wishes. In my opinion he was wrong to burden you with this BUT it is still his secret to be kept as he wished.

I think the person he should have told was his solicitor and Willynilly is correct, he could write you a letter confirming that he does not want anyone else told. Maybe he was hoping for one trusted person to accompany him to medical appointments or to be able to offload to on what will be an increasingly lonely journey? If that is so, he could have offered confidentiality both ways so that you are not left with fallout. He may simply be worried about losing control of his own life if his children push him to undergo medical procedures at a stage when he has had enough. It is possibly a mistake to keep the children in the dark to the end and you were right to point that out, but reading your post again I see he has already cut himself off from the children, which is sad but his business and I feel strongly you will try your best to help him if he will let you back in. There is probably a good reason why he has kept faith with you particularly. All the best to you with this delicate situation.

A very sad situation; presumably as this man is a close relative his family are your relatives too. It is a dreadful burden to impose on anyone, and he should not ask you to deal with the consequences of his personal animosities, whatever the circumstances.
As he has instructed you not to contact them, you have no choice but to follow his wishes, but it has put you in an unpleasant situation which is not of your making. Following his death, would there be any need for you to inform his family that he ordered you to withhold information about his illness? Could you feign ignorance about the situation?
It sounds like someone attempting to continue a family feud from the grave.

I was in this position a year ago I felt I had to respect her wishes but I did speak to staff looking after her and her doctor made a point of having a conversation with her about contacting her daughter and was also told that on no account were they to inform her. Her daughter was told about that discussion after she died.

I too speak from experience. It should be a position of mutual respect. You respect his wishes by keeping a confidence, and he respects that you may have difficulties down the line by putting it in writing.

That was a wise move Tanith.

Respect their wishes please.

I would also ask them to write a letter stating their wishes, which in the event of their death and any friction within the extended family you have the letter as evidence of their wishes.

eazybee - makes a very valid point and I do recognise the power of a controlling person who wants to control once they are no longer around. It happened in our family and the pain and distress of being actively denied a chance to say farewell no matter how unpleasant that person had been in life can be very damaging. Its not so much we want to confront them on their death bed...just the knowledge that we were denied it that hurts.
You have been placed in a really nasty position especially as you must know these relatives and have an inkling as to how they may respond when the news gets through.
Perhaps you could put in writing the gist of the conversation you had with this person together with your misgivings. If at a later date they can see that you tried to help the situation it will help the healing even if not at the time. Later when things calm down people can see that you were troubled and tried to do your best for the other people involved.
You cannot go against this person's wishes but you can put pen to paper now and record your misgivings and give you condolences and let them know you tried.

I have a similar dilemma. My brother, older by two years, has been divorced for many years, has two sons and a GC living in the US with whom he has sporadic contact. He has few friends, merely acquaintances, and has mentioned several times in the past that he wants no-one at his funeral, including family. Do I respect his wishes? Have sought to reason with him but I know if I go on about it he will cease to have any contact with me, until he is ready.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to inform his children after he has died and then it’s their decision to attend his funeral or not.

If its reasonable to respect someone's wishes when they're well, the same goes for their death.
It is their death, nobody elses.. they should be able to arrange things how they want to.