Husband reluctant to meds

I have had a life long struggle with high bp which is genetic. I'm now on three bp tablets and I just about manage to keep it at a reasonable level. Been to hospital for all the various tests and luckily there is no target organ damage. Recently wore a 24hr monitor which surprisingly showed lower values that the values showing when I visit the GP or even take the measurements myself. Perhaps this would help if he's willing to have one fitted?

Thank you for all your responses, I've read through them and I've decided to go with the not to make a fuss line. I am offering him each day his tablet each day when I take mine (if I left it entirely to him he would never remember at all) with the words 'Do you want this today?' and I say nothing else at all. I'm not speaking about it again during the day. He has himself decided that he's not going to take his blood pressure every day as he was doing. I'm going to keep my council and not mention blood pressure at all. I'll leave it for six weeks to two months and see how that goes. I think it's the only way.
Those of you who said I shouldn't blame my daughter are right of course, but it's difficult not to when she causes all our family so much stress and upset. My husband and I have different ways of dealing with her and the stress she causes, I have my lovely friends and elderly mother to talk to. My mother went through much the same with my sister, and indeed it still goes on with my sister, but Mum is very pragmatic and usually ignores my sister's horrid texts and such like. My husband is not a big talker and deals with stress by trying to appease our daughter, he is afraid of her cutting him out of our grandchildren's lives which she did once before for a period of several months. It hurt me desperately too, but my blood pressure didn't rise too much as the medication controls it. The medication doesn't control my husband's BP so well, and to be honest he could probably do with the increased dose or a different drug. But I don't want to appear to be trying to control him (even though our daughter does) and so I'm taking the advice to be quiet about it for now.

Don't mention it for a month or six weeks and then suggest he checks his BP. Don't let it cause stress between the two of you.

M0nica - I think that’s my husband’s attitude. He doesn’t have much faith in doctors.

I think some people just have a slightly fatalistic, glass half-empty, attitude to life. If they have this or other health problems their attitude is that there is nothing they can do about it and there is no guarantee that the medication will work. Spelling out the dire effects if they do not take their medication only convinces them more surely that they are doomed and that there is nothing they can do about it.

It is very frustrating as I have cause to know.

That's why its a good idea to do the sort of thing our Doctor recommends....a 10 day diary at home to eliminate the White Coat syndrome.

the thing with BP is it changes all the time,it might be very high when he takes it,simply because he's stressed about it,but it will come back to normal within minutes if he calms down.My OH takes his daily ,it has been high recently despite him being religious about taking his meds.If he's been out doing stuff even hard work in the garden or diy for the AC his BP is fine because he hasn't been thinking about it.Sneak up on your OH when he's beenbusy and get hime to take it then and see if theres a difference.The GP can fit him with a 24 hour monitor if he's really concerned about it .

My ex did not take his BP tablets and had a stroke and died in his early 50s. Your husband must be aware that this could happen if he doesn't take his tablets. I always take mine.

My brother in law had a stroke last year. He has always had very good BP. When mine was sky high when I first went on meds, I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack or stroke and said so to my GP at the time. She replied 'well you might but it won't be because of your BP.'

DH was much the same, gave up smoking but carried on drinking. GP didn’t help by telling him his high BP was due to “white coat effect”. He had three strokes and is very lucky to be alive, 11 years post stroke. Nothing I said made any difference before the strokes. He cannot walk far and has aphasia, problems with speaking and reading. Oh yes he takes his medication now!

He is attention seeking Maddy, and extremely selfish. Sit him down, talk to him, explain how precarious the situation could be if he doesn't take what has been prescribed. You have MH problems with your girl and that is hard enough, he needs to stop acting like a 7 year old and stamping his feet.

Last year, after an episode of severe stress, the GP took my BP and it was extremely high (I am on meds and have been for years). I got in a complete panic over it and am now scared to have it taken. The GP seemed unconcerned and told me to 'go home and forget about it' . The worst thing I ever did was buy one of those bloody test it yourself machines. I started taking it several times a day and was living in constant panic.

Regulating Blood pressure is such an important thing beyond me why he wants to play Russian Roulette with his. OH had a scare and needs to be on a drug....at first it was quite a dose and he had to 'shop' around to find the one that suited, but with a sensible regime diet exercise etc its now just a maintenance dose but its reassessed regularly and we have a BP machine at home. He sees it as an academic exercise to check up and make sure he's ok. His father had a couple of minor strokes that soon tipped into Vascular Dementia...all for the want of keeping his meds in check. Seriously read the riot act, ask why he's happy to chance his and your future then go on a girls week-end and let him stew.

Do you think it could be due to side effects that he refuses to take them. I ask this because my bp meds make me wee excessively so i now take a tablet for that too . I had stopped taking my meds because I could not go anywhere without having a loo nearby and always had to wear clothes I could whip up and down quickly .
Sometimes the side effects can be worse than the condition itself.
I hate how all my bp meds make me feel but it's better than being dead.

I have a husband similar to maddyone though in his case it’s not blood pressure but high cholesterol, smoking, drinking a bit more than good for him and overweight. He refuses to go to doctor though a few years ago I managed to get him to go for a general check after he hurt his shoulder gardening. He couldn’t drive for a few weeks and I told him I wouldn’t drive him anywhere unless he went to doc. He got lots of advice and a firm talking to by doc about his lifestyle but ignored it.

When warned about stroke risk (both his parents got strokes) and the fact that they’re often disabling but not fatal, he still hasn’t changed. He says he doesn’t want to live as long as his father who lasted till 97 but pretty immobile for last few years.

I’ve tried everything- straight talking, telling him he’s selfish, nagging, ignoring but nothing has helped up to now.

I think on one level he’s afraid of outliving me. I’ve always been fairly independent but in recent times if I go somewhere without him for a few days, he doesn’t cope very well. He can look after himself fine, but gets lonely!

I think what you are suggesting is illegal N&G and potentially dangerous.
I think there is nothing to be done unfortunately maddyone. Your husband is an adult with full capacity and entitled to refuse medication. I would just ignore this for now. Maybe he could get the attention he wants in the form of positive reinforcement for all the help he gives the family.

I'm probably going to fly in the face of most here but if it was me Id be crushing it up in his dinner the same as I do the dog ! :-) What he doesn't know wont hurt him in my opinion !!

Yes he is a grown man, and talking of you 'controlling' him is ridiculous but I totally appreciate where you're coming from Maddy, so Id take matters into my own hands - good luck !

We sadly lost my youngest brother 52 to a massive stroke just before Xmas, i have a sneaky feeling he didnt take his BP meds properly either.

I think I would spell out to him that whilst its his choice, you will not care for him if he has a stroke as a result of his failure to take his meds.
Does he monitor his blood pressure?
I would make no comment if it is high, and none about headaches and so on.
It occurs to me that perhaps he wants your focus to be on him, rather than your daughter all the time, and this is his way of ensuring he gets a bit of attention?

There is nothing you can do to ‘make’ a grown man take meds he’s determined not to take He will dig his heels in more and more if you keep trying
Never ever blame your daughter it’s not her or anyone else’s fault it’s his choice
Short of grinding it up and putting it in his food ? there’s nothing you can do

Yes - I see that he is not taking his meds - but he must be agreeing to take his BP or he would not know it was high. Why, I wonder, is he taking it at all?

No doubt he will expect you to care for him if he does suffer a stroke as a result. What a selfish man. I think his behaviour borders on bullying.

In essence he's got you pandering to his behaviour. I would do as EllanVannin suggests and employ a bit of reverse psychology but not before I had pointed out just how selfish and uncaring his actions are towards you. Certainly don't blame your daughter if anything were to happen to him - he's the one controlling what's going into his mouth, not her. It's very difficult when it's someone you love - but love is a two way thing, isn't it ? Take care and I hope all works out well

It's probably stress-related blood-pressure so for the time being I wouldn't remind him about taking medication. Perhaps if you don't mention it for a while it might make him think. Use reverse psychology and see what happens.

It's not always the case that any symptoms arise from having high BP, not even headaches. I can personally vouch for this as goodness knows how long I'd had high BP before I knew, found out, that internal damage had been done------no symptoms.

Hi Luckygirl, he doesn’t take his medication every day, he ‘forgets’ or refuses.

We have already made wills, and I have talked to him repeatedly about how we’ll manage if anything happens to him, and he ends up in care due to a stroke. He simply says he’ll take a lot of medication and finish himself off. I remind him that if he was in care, he wouldn’t be able to do that, as he might well be unable to move his arms. I have tried everything, but to no avail. I don’t know what to do.