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Husband reluctant to meds

(28 Posts)
maddyone Sat 02-Feb-19 10:07:14

Hi everyone, I’m just wondering if anyone has this problem. About three years ago my husband was diagnosed with high (very) blood pressure. He was prescribed medication to control it. He was extremely reluctant to take it, declaring he could easily control it by going running. He did go running for about two/three weeks which did bring the BP down, but of course he didn’t keep up the running and the blood pressure rose. He regularly ‘forgot’ or refused to take the medication. I took over giving him his tablet each day at the same time as I took my medication, and for a while this worked, but he started to get irritated by this saying I was trying to ‘control’ him. I gave the tablets back, but again he regularly ‘forgot’ his medication and said he didn’t really need it and would take it every other day instead of every day! When I was giving him his medication his blood pressure was controlled, when he was responsible for it, his blood pressure was not controlled. Added to this, we have an adult child who has mental health issues and regularly causes problems in the family. When these problems occur, his blood pressure rises alarmingly and he gets very bad headaches along with the high blood pressure. In fact his blood pressure has been so high recently that I suggested he took two of his tablets (I’m on the same medication but at double his dose) and if that worked he could ask the doctor to increase his dose. He did take double dose for a few days and gradually his blood pressure came down. He is now back on one tablet or no tablet and his blood pressure is back up. He simply doesn’t want to take the medication and all reasoning is a waste is of my breath because he simply says I’m trying to control him.
My husband is an active man, always busy in the garden, around the house, fixing things in our three children’s houses, walking our daughter’s dog etc. From time to time he declares he is going to run every day to control his blood pressure, but that only ever lasts a few days. I have suggested joining a gym, playing golf with our son at the weekend, joining a walking football team, etc but he refuses.

maddyone Sat 02-Feb-19 10:18:01

I posted before I finished, so to continue, I simply don’t know what to do. He refuses to go to the doctor, and refuses to take his medication regularly. His blood pressure is very high. I’m so afraid that he will suffer a stroke or heart attack if this continues, yet whatever I say, he simply carries on like this. I have enough worries with our daughter and grandchildren without this worry as well, and I fear that if anything happens to him, I will end up blaming our daughter as we both worry about her so much.
I don’t know what to do. He will not listen to reason, so at the moment I’m not saying anything at all, but that doesn’t bring about any change in his behaviour either.
I realise men don’t like going to the doctor, I think they think it’s some kind of failing in themselves, but actually high blood pressure is sadly one of the effects of getting older. He is not overweight, doesn’t smoke, almost never drinks alcohol, and as I said before, he is an active and busy person. Does anyone else have this problem, and what on earth should I do about it?

Luckygirl Sat 02-Feb-19 10:23:02

Presumably he willingly takes his BP each day - which seems strange if he is not prepared to act on the result.

I really think there is little you can do - if you go on about it too much I guess he will dig his heels in. But you could talk about your wills and how you might manage if he died, or how you might finance a residential or nursing home if he became ill long term. Maybe that might focus his mind.

maddyone Sat 02-Feb-19 11:17:45

Hi Luckygirl, he doesn’t take his medication every day, he ‘forgets’ or refuses.

We have already made wills, and I have talked to him repeatedly about how we’ll manage if anything happens to him, and he ends up in care due to a stroke. He simply says he’ll take a lot of medication and finish himself off. I remind him that if he was in care, he wouldn’t be able to do that, as he might well be unable to move his arms. I have tried everything, but to no avail. I don’t know what to do.

EllanVannin Sat 02-Feb-19 11:20:12

It's probably stress-related blood-pressure so for the time being I wouldn't remind him about taking medication. Perhaps if you don't mention it for a while it might make him think. Use reverse psychology and see what happens.

It's not always the case that any symptoms arise from having high BP, not even headaches. I can personally vouch for this as goodness knows how long I'd had high BP before I knew, found out, that internal damage had been done------no symptoms.

Nico97 Sat 02-Feb-19 12:07:06

In essence he's got you pandering to his behaviour. I would do as EllanVannin suggests and employ a bit of reverse psychology but not before I had pointed out just how selfish and uncaring his actions are towards you. Certainly don't blame your daughter if anything were to happen to him - he's the one controlling what's going into his mouth, not her. It's very difficult when it's someone you love - but love is a two way thing, isn't it ? Take care and I hope all works out well

Izabella Sat 02-Feb-19 12:20:08

No doubt he will expect you to care for him if he does suffer a stroke as a result. What a selfish man. I think his behaviour borders on bullying.

Luckygirl Sat 02-Feb-19 12:26:29

Yes - I see that he is not taking his meds - but he must be agreeing to take his BP or he would not know it was high. Why, I wonder, is he taking it at all?

BlueBelle Sat 02-Feb-19 12:54:33

There is nothing you can do to ‘make’ a grown man take meds he’s determined not to take He will dig his heels in more and more if you keep trying
Never ever blame your daughter it’s not her or anyone else’s fault it’s his choice
Short of grinding it up and putting it in his food 😂 there’s nothing you can do

MissAdventure Sat 02-Feb-19 13:07:22

I think I would spell out to him that whilst its his choice, you will not care for him if he has a stroke as a result of his failure to take his meds.
Does he monitor his blood pressure?
I would make no comment if it is high, and none about headaches and so on.
It occurs to me that perhaps he wants your focus to be on him, rather than your daughter all the time, and this is his way of ensuring he gets a bit of attention?

travelsafar Sat 02-Feb-19 13:07:55

We sadly lost my youngest brother 52 to a massive stroke just before Xmas, i have a sneaky feeling he didnt take his BP meds properly either. sad

NanaandGrampy Sat 02-Feb-19 13:12:07

I'm probably going to fly in the face of most here but if it was me Id be crushing it up in his dinner the same as I do the dog ! :-) What he doesn't know wont hurt him in my opinion !!

Yes he is a grown man, and talking of you 'controlling' him is ridiculous but I totally appreciate where you're coming from Maddy, so Id take matters into my own hands - good luck !

sodapop Sat 02-Feb-19 13:20:50

I think what you are suggesting is illegal N&G and potentially dangerous.
I think there is nothing to be done unfortunately maddyone. Your husband is an adult with full capacity and entitled to refuse medication. I would just ignore this for now. Maybe he could get the attention he wants in the form of positive reinforcement for all the help he gives the family.

Farmor15 Sat 02-Feb-19 13:22:39

I have a husband similar to maddyone though in his case it’s not blood pressure but high cholesterol, smoking, drinking a bit more than good for him and overweight. He refuses to go to doctor though a few years ago I managed to get him to go for a general check after he hurt his shoulder gardening. He couldn’t drive for a few weeks and I told him I wouldn’t drive him anywhere unless he went to doc. He got lots of advice and a firm talking to by doc about his lifestyle but ignored it.

When warned about stroke risk (both his parents got strokes) and the fact that they’re often disabling but not fatal, he still hasn’t changed. He says he doesn’t want to live as long as his father who lasted till 97 but pretty immobile for last few years.

I’ve tried everything- straight talking, telling him he’s selfish, nagging, ignoring but nothing has helped up to now.

I think on one level he’s afraid of outliving me. I’ve always been fairly independent but in recent times if I go somewhere without him for a few days, he doesn’t cope very well. He can look after himself fine, but gets lonely!

Nanabilly Sat 02-Feb-19 13:39:46

Do you think it could be due to side effects that he refuses to take them. I ask this because my bp meds make me wee excessively so i now take a tablet for that too . I had stopped taking my meds because I could not go anywhere without having a loo nearby and always had to wear clothes I could whip up and down quickly .
Sometimes the side effects can be worse than the condition itself.
I hate how all my bp meds make me feel but it's better than being dead.

HildaW Sat 02-Feb-19 13:50:19

Regulating Blood pressure is such an important thing beyond me why he wants to play Russian Roulette with his. OH had a scare and needs to be on a drug....at first it was quite a dose and he had to 'shop' around to find the one that suited, but with a sensible regime diet exercise etc its now just a maintenance dose but its reassessed regularly and we have a BP machine at home. He sees it as an academic exercise to check up and make sure he's ok. His father had a couple of minor strokes that soon tipped into Vascular Dementia...all for the want of keeping his meds in check. Seriously read the riot act, ask why he's happy to chance his and your future then go on a girls week-end and let him stew.

KatyK Sat 02-Feb-19 14:45:21

Last year, after an episode of severe stress, the GP took my BP and it was extremely high (I am on meds and have been for years). I got in a complete panic over it and am now scared to have it taken. The GP seemed unconcerned and told me to 'go home and forget about it' . The worst thing I ever did was buy one of those bloody test it yourself machines. I started taking it several times a day and was living in constant panic.

megan123 Sat 02-Feb-19 14:45:22

He is attention seeking Maddy, and extremely selfish. Sit him down, talk to him, explain how precarious the situation could be if he doesn't take what has been prescribed. You have MH problems with your girl and that is hard enough, he needs to stop acting like a 7 year old and stamping his feet.

Purpledaffodil Sat 02-Feb-19 14:57:42

DH was much the same, gave up smoking but carried on drinking. GP didn’t help by telling him his high BP was due to “white coat effect”. He had three strokes and is very lucky to be alive, 11 years post stroke. Nothing I said made any difference before the strokes. He cannot walk far and has aphasia, problems with speaking and reading. Oh yes he takes his medication now!

KatyK Sat 02-Feb-19 15:08:44

My brother in law had a stroke last year. He has always had very good BP. When mine was sky high when I first went on meds, I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack or stroke and said so to my GP at the time. She replied 'well you might but it won't be because of your BP.'

GrandmaMoira Sat 02-Feb-19 15:41:02

My ex did not take his BP tablets and had a stroke and died in his early 50s. Your husband must be aware that this could happen if he doesn't take his tablets. I always take mine.

paddyann Sat 02-Feb-19 16:01:17

the thing with BP is it changes all the time,it might be very high when he takes it,simply because he's stressed about it,but it will come back to normal within minutes if he calms down.My OH takes his daily ,it has been high recently despite him being religious about taking his meds.If he's been out doing stuff even hard work in the garden or diy for the AC his BP is fine because he hasn't been thinking about it.Sneak up on your OH when he's beenbusy and get hime to take it then and see if theres a difference.The GP can fit him with a 24 hour monitor if he's really concerned about it .

HildaW Sat 02-Feb-19 18:56:00

That's why its a good idea to do the sort of thing our Doctor recommends....a 10 day diary at home to eliminate the White Coat syndrome.

M0nica Sat 02-Feb-19 19:32:25

I think some people just have a slightly fatalistic, glass half-empty, attitude to life. If they have this or other health problems their attitude is that there is nothing they can do about it and there is no guarantee that the medication will work. Spelling out the dire effects if they do not take their medication only convinces them more surely that they are doomed and that there is nothing they can do about it.

It is very frustrating as I have cause to know.

Farmor15 Sun 03-Feb-19 01:45:32

M0nica - I think that’s my husband’s attitude. He doesn’t have much faith in doctors.