OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

So pleased that you have had a day out

I am so pleased the day went well.

That sounds like a lovely day out. Your DH has been OK so now a precedent has been set. Where to next? It would be nice for you to have another outing to look forward to.

So pleased to read you had your day out Lucky. I'm sure this will have recharged your batteries, so to speak. And you sorely needed that!

Glad you managed to do that, lucky.

Well done Lucky!

Lovely day - on trains for much of the time with 2 of my lovely DDs and looking out on rolling hills and fields and swathes of may blossom - and lambs and calves. Just beautiful.

And we all enjoyed DD1 in her show - she is a classical singer and this was her first venture into musical theatre and she threw herself into it with gusto - it was wonderful to watch. She is rather tired now though! Brief sojourn at their lovely home with the GC - then back on the train again. Tiring but very worthwhile day.

OH seems OK - much as usual and none the worse for being "abandoned."

enjoy your trip - your DH will be cared for and will be fine

Have a super day lucky. Dh will be fine.

Have a great day out Luckygirl. One to really enjoy today.

Enjoy your day being out with your girls, you need this time with them. So lovely that someone has recognised how hard you've been working to provide care and is prepared to step in and help. A true friend. xx

Today will be so good for you lucky, you need this break and most certainly deserve it. The 9 hours from the PD society will be a constant for you, accept all the help that’s offered, no matter where it’s from. Sending love.

Have a lovely day out with your DDs xxxxx

It's amazing how you find out who your true friend are when the chips are down. Sounds like you're finding a new way of living and coping. If you can afford to, spend what it takes to buy you some life quality. I'm sure you have saved for a 'rainy day', well this is it! Have a lovely day away and try to really enjoy it. You deserve to.

That is very hard Luckygirl. Look after yourself.
Have a virtual hug.

Have a great day out, Lucky girl!

I reached the end of my tether a bit yesterday with all the non-stop demands; but today I am travelling by train with two DDs to Cheshire to watch another DD perform in a show!!! I have made extensive arrangements with SIL's and care agency to make sure OH has the care he needs. He is not happy, but it has to be done. Today will cost me a lot of money in carers, fares and tickets, but I will try and suppress the £ signs whizzing past my eyes and just enjoy!!

I was very touched yesterday when someone I relate to in a semi-professional capacity offered out of the blue to come and stay with OH if ever I needed to get away - I was gobsmacked that it was her who came up with this rather than people I consider to be close friends. She has "been there" herself so knows the score.

The PD society are offering me 9 hours free care a month and this will be a true blessing as I will be able to go to my choir each week in September.

Can we say he's being selfish? He's frightened and wants to be with familiar things around him where he feels safe. That's not to say that Lucky has to be with him 100% of the time. She's entitled to have a life. She needs to carry on with her interests and get meaningful respite to allow her relaxation for body and mind and doing things she enjoys so much.

The lack of good sustained support for both patient and carer is what makes this situation unbearable for Lucky and her OH. Without it, I fear she will be ill too and that would be travesty after all the caring she has done and the diligence with which she has fought for quality care for him. Take good care of yourself Luckygirl. Warm wishes. xx

Lucky charleygirl and others make a good point. There’s no point in your feeling guilty and then ending up ill yourself. Professional care 24/7 is the only way to go. I can’t speak from experience but it does seem logical.

Very difficult for you Lucky, better your DH gets care in a home that is chosen by you than being plonked wherever there is room when you have compromised your own health and can no longer manage. I think it is very selfish to insist on being at home.

What a dilemma Lucky. I really feel for you.

I can imagine it is quite easy for any person caring long term for a loved one to become both exhausted, physically and mentally - and then resentful. It's no life, is it, even though you continue to do your best for your OH.

And there must be an awful lot of guilt too, because you know your dear OH wants to be at home.

I really feel for you. I cared for my old Mum for many years and I know it took its toll, even though I loved her dearly. Please do try to escape the home front if and when you can. You have received so much good advice here and I cannot really add to it other than to say look after yourself and rest when time allows.

I echo charley's post, lucky. What would happen if you go under? DH would have to go into respite in a panic.

It's a hard decision but it seems the best thing for you.

What do your girls think?

Lucky being totally brutal, there is no point DH being at home and you have been hospitalised having succumbed from sheer exhaustion and tiredness. He is not thinking straight and if he were, he would not wish this life for you.

So difficult - he wants to be at home more than anything - in fact it is really the only thing he wants. Everything else just drifts by him.

I have just got back from being away Lucky and sad to read that things are not getting better.

The most sensible advice I have read on here is from Ann. I am afraid you are going to be brutal with your DH and at least get him in for respite care. He may find he feels more secure there as there is always help on hand. I was lucky with my parents because after cleaning up both of them several times in the night my dad realised that they weren't managing and asked me to find somewhere for them to go.

You will enjoy your DH so much more if you can just visit without providing the care. He will also be so much safer and you can rest. It is a hard decision I know but you need to look after yourself.

Sending you love and best wishes.