OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Yes, it seem to me auntiflo is sadly right *lucky, it won’t help your husband if you break so please do seriously consider at least respite. Love to you both.

Lucky, a big hug for you. Yesterday a close friend confided in me that her GP is pretty sure her DH has Parkinson's and having followed your thread I now know what she's possibly facing. Fortunately she is a strong woman too, but it's a challenge even to the very strong to just keep keeping on. You are so brave. xx

I agree with every word Auntieflo says. At the present rate, you will be sharing a double room because it is getting too much for you.

Any money is better off in your pocket than with the council.

Lucky. I read your postings with admiration for the way in which you continue to cope. Sometimes it sounds as though you will be overwhelmed with it all. Please don’t think we are hard in suggesting that you very dear husband, goes into residential care, before you beat him to it. Sorry, not meaning to be trite, but you are doing so much, and becoming worn out in the process. Take care of yourself.

I have sent an email to the council and awaiting a reply about council tax. I saw something about this in the Radio Times money section. Apparently it can be back-dated to when AA was first granted - that is quite a while ago. So - fingers crossed. Every little helps, as they say.

A slightly different subject. Are you aware that you can receive a 25% discount for DH on council tax because of the severity of his Parkinsons and he is I hope receiving an Attendance Allowance. It can also be backdated.

But lucky's husband gets stressed in a similar way to some Alzheimer's patients.

OH is not demented - just a bit muddled and lacking in empathy - things are so grim for him that he only has enough brain space to survive from minute to minute. He does get mixed up about some things, but this is partly a feature of his anxiety - he will ask the same things over and over again.

I think you are right aggie - but hard to achieve as his wish to be at home is so strong - I understand it of course.

It is different with dementia than when they are still "with it" mentally.
I never told my H until I started packing his bag a couple of hours before.
I would say he was going for a little break as we both needed one.
I could also tell him it was for a couple of days as time meant nothing to him.

I think it's a good idea lucky. And jane's suggestion not to say too much in advance about plans is good.

It is advice given regularly by the Alzheimer's Society and might well be relevant to your dh.

Lucky you can't go on like this !
In spite of his protests he will be better cared for 24hours if in a Nursing home and you can spend time visiting , sounds as if he is miserable any way ..... sorry to be blunt xxxxxxx

There really is only so much you can do.
I remember one night when I had been up three times, all involving a toileting issue and at half past nine I was on the phone to the duty SW to beg that my husband was admitted to respite , he was booked in for the following week, but I knew I couldn't last that long.
He was in by 2pm and I wept with relief.
Do what is best for you now, whatever you do will not suit your H but you must steel yourself and do it.

I am so very tired now. OH wakes me at 6.30 every morning to tell me his bed is full of poo (it isn't) and I then do not get back to sleep as he goes on and on about it till I get up and look. I think I will sleep in the spare room tonight - I just have to sleep. But he will want me to have the walkie-talkie by me so he can summon me, so it probably won't be much better - I will just have further to walk.

6.30 might sound OK to some but believe me I need at least another 2 hours! - especially as I was up at midnight sorting his catheter etc. out.

Feeling so rough this morning that I have started looking at nursing homes online. He would hate me if that finished up as the result - but there is only so much I can do.

There are bits of him that simply stink and that he will not let anyone wash - it makes me gag. I found his pad on the floor this morning - he must have managed to get it off and decided to fling it.

I just need a sleep!

You sound as if you are doing very well under the circumstances Luckygirl and are managing to sort things out but it is wearing. Can be problematic with carers, some are great and some are.........not so great. Like you said you are paying, and it ain't cheap. Have you got an electric mattress for your OH? The DN got one for my mother and it is really good as she can't move around. A great improvement on the hospital basic one. It is so important to have time out yourself to re calibrate as it were!

I'm really not meaning to be unkind but might it be kinder for DH not to know in too much advance that you might be taking a break? If its a fait accompli he will be taken up thinking about who's there rather than who's not. He wouldn't have time to fret and work himself up? Just a suggestion.

The agency have rescheduled today's and tomorrow's care so he has people who he either knows or is likely to get on with. Phew!

I am in three places at once just now in my mind - getting OH's care sorted, looking after wee GS, and getting everything ready for tonight's concert. A bit chaotic today.

But it is a huge relief to know that the agency will act quickly when that is needed.

I will think about the respite stay idea - I think if I suggested it just now OH would go into a decline - he needs to settle in a bit here first maybe. I know it will be necessary at some point in order to stay sane. I will do some research.

Thank you all for your support.

Good advice from someone who knows, ann.

Just read your last post which crossed with mime.
Your D's could pop in and see him daily if they wanted and you could just relax and do your own thing.
Your H must be told you need the break and if necessary told he is being selfish.
He will benefit from you having your batteries recharged and each respite will become easier.
I coped better knowing I had some free time to look forward to.

I know I am being controversial here but I would not be able to go out and leave my H in these early days of him being just out of hospital because I would not have one moment of peace worrying about him.
I know just how much you need the break, I have been there, and that is why I urge you to get him some respite care.
Yes, he will hate it at first, yes you will worry for a few days until you know he is alright and most importantly being looked after.
When I had had a few nights of unbroken sleep and not up early to get ready for carers I felt so much better in myself.
On the third lot of respite I was ablr to go away for five whole days fot the first time for five years and had a wonderful time.
Please, please consifer it, you will bebefit enormously.

Just spoke to agency - they are doing all they can to get a sub carer for these two long slots of time. Fingers crossed! DDs will be in and out as much as they can.

Is there no way your daughters could give you a break? Surely they can see how difficult things are for you?
Quite right to ask for a more competent carer btw.

Poor Man , poor YOU , they don't take kindly to change , so sad but what can you do , you are doing your best and with any luck a great carer will turn up xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I appreciate it is extremely difficult for him especially as he is totally powerless but he must realise to preserve some sanity you must get out and do your own thing.

He's been awake all night worrying about it and has already driven me nuts this morning with endless worries! Oh dear!

Lets hope a better carer turned up today xxx