OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

I'm sorry about your friend, SueDonim

Lucky thank you for the update. I'm so pleased that it is working out well for you both. That must be a huge relief. I hope you find financial help quickly.

I'm glad your dh's condition is settling down, Luckygirl. A friend of ours with PD had live-in carers this year, after being widowed suddenly last year. They've been an interesting bunch! They have all been very efficient and organised, I've been impressed.

Sadly, our friend died this weekend after a very recent diagnosis of a brain tumour .

Thanks for the update Luckygirl. I was wondering how things were with you.
It does sound like an odd sort of life for your live in carer but it sounds like it suits her and she's good at it.
Good idea to check the house insurance for potential legal funding. Fingers crossed ?

Looks like it is working for you Lucky, I hope you get help with the expense , it is not as if you and OH has a chance of paying forever .
When , not if , you are broke surely SS will have to fund your and OHs care , there fore more expensive I would have thought

Just thought I would feed back on the live-in care situation, in case anyone else ever feels the need.

We had the first carer for just over 2 weeks - an interesting lady, tri-lingual and very Mediterranean in her fieriness. We now have carer 2 and she is a strange person altogether; early 40s, and appears to have no home and literally lives out of one suitcase, going from live-in to live-in and from one hotel to another; and in her long breaks she volunteers in an orphanage in Haiti. Certainly rather unexpected, but she is very efficient indeed in meeting OH's care needs. She just sits in her room in between bursts of activity. I suspect she is on the autistic spectrum, but seems to have made a satisfying life for herself. I am trying to make her feel at home as she is doing a good job with OH and will do anything at all you ask of her. She has just changed my bed for me, which is a godsend.

It does feel odd having these strangers in and around the house, but it is all part of life's rich pattern, and an unexpected turn of events in our lives, which we have to accept in order that OH should get proper care. He is a bit better than he was last week when he thought I was trying to poison him and threatened me with his grabber. We have been jiggling the meds about to try and improve this.

Tomorrow I am going to look into the possibility that I might be able to get legal representation over health funding via my house insurance policy.

annsixty you are of course right that the health services cannot afford to fund all those to whom it has a legal obligation. The whole system is a mess, but no political party is willing to get a grip on it.

IT is indeed a lottery Jane10 and depends whether you become incapacitated in old age or not. As we live longer with more disabilities it will become worse. I have so much respect for you annsixty and others with first hand experiences of the hardship entailed. I do not believe it it impossible for a government, with the will, to reorganise the health care system, and have a joined up social and NHS care, where there can be a maximum limit for care costs. In an affluent country such as ours this can be paid for by a fair system of taxation, and for example a social care levy. It depends on our priorities. It shouldn't be a lottery. Sorry doesn't help Lucky's situation right now.

It is such a lottery. My poor Dad died quite suddenly after a few days of illness. He had saved so carefully for his old age in case he had to pay for long term care. On the other hand my poor MiL lingered cruelly for three years. It's so hard to know how best to prepare for old age financially. Increased national insurance? It is an actuarial gamble after all.
Good luck at your school board meeting luckgirl. Hope your knee feels better.

The Government can’t fund it ,it would be an impossible financial burden, UNTIL, we are prepared to pay more tax all of our working lives to fund care for those who really need it in later life.
If everyone in care had all their funding paid ,the country would be bankrupt.
I have been in this situation myself with my H so I do know just how hard it is.
Hospices are still charities relying on funding from donations.
Patients in hospitals are treated differently, but they almost use bullying tactics to get relatives to move loved ones to nursing homes where they will be paying for the care.
It is an impossible situation and unfixable in the short term.
Only unpopular moves by a caring government will change things for the future.

I know!

It is indeed all so unfair - and the fact that whole law firms have been set up to try and stop the health authority cheating the public speaks volumes.

I have taken on board all the advice I have been given to keep my head above water in the midst of this sadness - this is why I have gone for the live-in care, in spite of the cost and the financial difficulties it will cause. I am able to be out there and playing a part in the local community and this feels very important to me. Without it, and with life totally dedicated to all the unhappiness that is my OH's illness, I would undoubtedly sink.

I am off to school this afternoon to represent the governors in a meeting of new parents for September. I will come back refreshed know.

I am so sorry Luckygirl that things have reached this point, but however difficult you need to prioritise yourself now when decision making. There is very little choice, and am sure this is what you would be saying to a close friend if it were them? SueDonim I am sorry about your sister and this should never have happened as she was obviously a clear case for Continuing Health Care. Trouble is, many are, similar to Lucky's OH, and obstacles are put in place in obtaining it because the government wont adequately fund it. Very unfair.

It may be impracticable but this is their parents in a time of dire need. Sorry to sound harsh but it's time for those girls to get going and help them in whatever way they can.

Oh heck, Luckygirl You must dread what each day might bring.

Hopefully, there will be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel soon.

I've only just caught up lucky. Can your dh go back to the hospice while your leg is sorted out.

A discussion with your daughters sounds in order. It is probably impracticable for them to give you much in the way of help but a bit of brainstorming wouldn't go amiss!

((((hugs))))

This is shocking, Luckygirl. I'd like to say it's unbelievable but having just gone through the experience of my sister's illness and death from brain cancer, I am not surprised. There was nowhere to turn. It's as if once the NHS has decided you can't be cured, you're an embarrassment to them and they want you off their books.

My sister spent her last weeks worrying that she would live longer than six weeks and have to find the money for her own care. It's inhumane.

I'm so sorry you now have more concerns about your own health, too. I wish I could do something to help.

Lucky - I'm so sorry that life is so difficult for you just now.

How are things luckygirl?

oh my- not been on GN due to visitors and OH in hospital again - I am so sorry to hear that.

Yes, you need a meeting with daughters and GP and care team - you can't go on like this. Hugs xxx

And what treatment has the GP suggested for your knee? Also, is there not some sort or sedation that your husband could have?

Surely this is is the last straw? How can you possibly be expected to carry on as you are? What would happen if you just gave up? This must be an emergency! Where are your daughters? Where's the SWD? What's the GP going to do about the situation?

Just a gentle hug lucky, I'm lost for words and so sorry for your situation. Hope the GP washable to offer intervention options as of course he/she understands your situation well.

Oh dear, Luckygirl that must be the final straw. You simply cannot struggle on like this. Is this an old fracture which has re-set wrongly and what does the GP recommend?
As the saying goes 'put on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else'.

I just feel like giving up here. Just been to GP to get results of right knee MRI and I have a fracture of base of femur in the knee joint + inflammation + osteoporosis + arthritis. I ask myself did I need this just now on top of everything else? No wonder I am in such pain. If I finish up not being able to drive I might throw in the towel.

lucky, I am so sad reading how things are going for you at the moment. I can’t imagine how you are still managing to cope with such an awful situation. Thinking of you

I am so sorry to read how things have deteriorated xxx