OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Agree with kitty, not sure being too polite is the 'right' way forward. I think I might say something like 'look I know it is NOT YOUR PERSONAL fault - but the system is just too crazy for words and we need action NOW.

More hugs xxx

It is beyond shocking. You wonder where they get these heartless people from.
I am pleased you stood up to them Lucky.
Health does not have bank holidays although they conveniently forget that.

I hope you weren't too polite, lucky.

Some people don't see that what they are talking about is also people. We had this at the end of dh's working life. People were reduced to 'units of activity'.

Lucky that last comment belongs in a very dark comedy indeed! Only someone who doesn’t have an understanding of deep human relationships could think that was a sensible idea.....or perhaps they were only just out of nappies.

It occurs to me though that if the tables were turned and all the bureaucrats didn’t engage you’d all be a lot happier and able to sort something out with sensible people who understand caring!

I am sorry to hear about your OH annsixty - I hope he is receiving good care there.

The 6 week thing is true here too - they call it Home First, but they are refusing to do anything till continuing health make their decision, which will now not happen till Tuesday.

They had the b****y cheek to suggest to me it might be better if I did not visit as it might upset him to be seeing me knowing I am at home and he can't go! - OK, so I do not see my OH, nor he me, just because they are dragging their feet. What a stunning idea. I am furious. I politely told her I did not agree with her.

I haven't followed closely but aren't you being offered 6 weeks of home visits totally free.
We got as many visits ,as needed,up to 4 daily
, I chose two, morning and evening.
A friend who lived in the Wirral, is getting two carers four times a day and one in the night if needed.
This is not means tested until the six weeks are up.
Her sister tells me it will then cost £120 a week but I can't comment if that is true.
I paid £14 an hour after the six weeks.
My H is now in a community hospital on end of life care.

Room was pretty dingy - in all conscience I could not let him go there - he would hate it.

So I rang the person who organises this Home First scheme to ask how they are getting on finding care at home and she said they were not doing anything at the moment as they were waiting to hear the decision from the continuing health care funding bods - this was very definitely NOT what was said at Monday's meeting - so we are no further forward.

I just rang the continuing care bod and she is "out and about" - so I told them to get her on the mobile and get her to ring me back pdq and let me know the decision so I can get things moving forward. If we are going to try it at home, then we might as well get on with it.

I am beyond fed up with this ridiculous system. There is a sick human being in the middle of this bureaucratic jungle.

Morning lucky. How are you? Did your daughters like the room?

For what it’s worth my instinct is also to take the room for all the reasons other posters have given. The practicalities for you at home sound well, impossible.

I’m so sorry you’re ill, seriously bad timing but as it’s happened please rest and let your body mend.

Good luck, I’m hoping your daughters will report positively on the available room. .

Oh Lucky what rotten luck to be ill on top of everything else. you poor thing.

But I do agree with others that this goes to show just how difficult it would be for you to be caring for your DH while he recovers. Please take up the offer of the room in the local home, just until your DH has recovered and is more mobile. Yes, the cost will be enormous, but I think the relief you will feel will more than compensate.

You can visit him daily, and know he's being cared for properly. And you'll be able to sleep at night. These past few weeks have been an absolute nightmare for you all, and you really need to be able to have some respite from it all.

Finally, Lucky, if you do opt for the room in the nursing home, please do not allow yourself to feel guilty about not going with your DH's first choice, because you must think of yourself too. Good luck

Would at least part of the cost of the convalescence in the home be funded as continuing NHS care?

I do hope you're feeling better now, stomach bugs can leave you feeling quite washed out. Look after yourself

Oh my, you really didn't need this. Poor you.

And yet, perhaps it will ring all the bells that indicate that you caring for him 24/7 at home is just not indicated for 1000 of reasons.

I know the cost is massive (both my mil's and my parents' disappeared very quickly) - but really I'd take the room in the local home- at least for the next 6 weeks or so- and visit daily. Hugs xxx

Sorry you are unwell lucky and hope you feel better soon.The home sounds a good interim choice,I hope your daughters think it will suit your husband.It will give you a chance to recover and also to find a care agency that you are happy with.
Thinking of you all?

Sorry you are not well Lucky, hope you feel better soon. Good luck with the home, if the room is suitable, it would be good to be close by.

So sorry to read that you are poorly, get well soon the residential home sounds like the best option really hope that it all works out for you and your DH

I've been following your story [Luckygirl], hoping for some good news for you.
I'd say take the room if it is at all suitable. My FiL went home with a 6 week package but they dropped us in it after about 3 weeks because his needs didn't meet their criteria. We had 24 hours to find private carers, which weren't very good.
If you are paying for the care and being in the home is convalescent rather than permanent, it will give you time to find a good care company to come to your home - one that will come out to help between regular visits in the case of an emergency.
I hope it works out and that you feel better soon.

That local home sounds really positive. It's close by. You could furnish it with his own bits and pieces to make it homely. Easy for you to visit for extended periods and, best of all, you'd know he was being looked after and could have a good rest yourself. It may be expensive but I suspect that like many of us you save for a rainy day/old age. Now is the time.
Fingers crossed All goes well and that you feel much better soon.

My instinct would be to take it, I know the expense will be eye watering, but the alternatives depend on you being fit and well and able to be there 24/7.
Yes your DDs will help but it will ultimately devolve on you. This 24 (or more) hour bug would have been an absolute nightmare if your DH had been home - can you imagine?
Think of it as breathing space, as convalescence, even .
Time to call in some favours and perhaps ask a good friend or family member to go on your behalf.

All you needed! You are your priority today. Leave it to the girls to visit and take their advice about the room.

I have a friend whose OH has MS and with 4 carers coming in during the day (and doesn't always know which ones), that still doesn't work in the night when he needs moving and cleaning and the bed changed. She's tiny and struggles to move him. Don't feel bad about saying right now you can't cope with that.

Get help for yourself. Try to eat something nutritious and get well. Hugs for being so brave.

We had the Carers and it took a bit of getting used to . However they worked to a timetable and asked me or told me if they were going to be early or late we had a key locker at the front door so they had the code and could let thenselves in, as the first vieit was very early and they had a list of people to get to , they were lovely women , but I realise I was lucky , some are not as good

I am so sorry you are poorly Lucky certainly not what you need.
I would think the home is the best solution at least for a few weeks. You can make the room cosy with your own stuff I am sure and being so close you can visit often. Also you know DH will be getting 24hour care.

Crumbs (or words to that effect!).

Time out will probably be good for you and the room near you sounds as though it is ideal. I hope your daughters approve it.

I have just "lost" over 24 hours with a vomiting bug - just beginning to surface, but suffering from lack of food, so pretty weak and wobbly. I could have done without this really. I cannot visit OH on hospital, although I strongly suspect I got it from the hospital itself.

In the middle of all this, I had a call from a residential home just down the road (3 minutes in the car) to say they have a large ground floor room free. They need a decision within 48 hours, and I cannot go and see the room because I am infectious. The two girls who live locally are supposed to be working but are going to try and get there to take a look. We know the home, but it is the room in particular that needs looking at.

Being in a home is not OH's first choice - and will cost-a-load - but the alternative which is 6 weeks free care at home with carers coming in 4 times a day seems a bit of a nightmare to me. We will not know what time they are arriving; and in between times someone will have to deal with his physical needs - the whole on/off commode lark etc, which I cannot do.

What a quandary - I cannot even get to speak to OH as I am quite rightly not allowed to visit the hospital.

This is really hard for you lucky and I wish we could do more to help.

Luckygirl what a struggle to get appropriate care for your DH and support for you and the family. It makes me sad just reading of your fight for basic care and comfort for him, so I can only imagine how you feel. It must cheer you to see glimpses of his old self. Take good care of yourself. xx