OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

I have (as yet...) to go through a crisis of care situation such as you are living through Lucky, so have no experience to draw on to offer you any advice. In any case, you have already had so much good advice and support from so many grans on here.

I do hope you find a solution soon, one that gives both you and your DH the relief and support that you both need, as clearly you cannot go on as you are.

((((hugs))))

I haven't read everything, Lucky but the last couple of pages has been enough to understand something of what you're going through.

Sending very best hugs, and hoping that you are able to take something from all this advice from Grans who've been through it.

But I would strongly advise showing DD2 (and maybe all ACs) this thread... Sock it to em!

Thank you.

The biggest problem at the moment is that I am in dreadful pain with my knee and it kept me awake last night. It is slow going on crutches and every time OH asks me to get something for him it is a painful palaver. I think he forgets that. Wish I could!

If you are on crutches Luckygirl you must be at breaking point.
I don’t want to be bossy as I do sympathise (more than!) and your family business is your family business, BUT please get them together and put your side of things. They need to know the reality and at the very least, you need some respite.

I agree. Otherwise those DDs will have to be working out how to cope caring for both of their parents.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there Jane.

Indeed. xxx

Ditto!

Sadly jane is right. I wish she wasn’t lucky, but it’s hard to see any other outcome if things carry on as they are. I wish, as you must, that a solution will appear. It’s oh so inadequate but I send my love and a sustaining hug.

Lucky you're in a no win situation whichever way you turn. Neither your girls nor any of us are walking in your shoes, or should that say hobbling on your crutches. Neither are we party to all that’s gone before in your family life, those things are rightfully private to you.
We may only be looking in from the outside but we are all so concerned for you and Jane has made a good point about the growing impact on your own health. I hope you're able to speak in a way that your girls will listen so they can all give their full support in finding a viable way forward. x

It's quite clear that the time has now come for you to grab with both hands any offer of a place at one of the homes you mentioned.

It's obvious that things can't go on like this isn't it?

Under normal circumstances with your knee pain ,YOU would be the one needing assistance around the house, let alone caring for someone who isn't always grateful or appreciative of what you are doing for him.

You now need to find your strength to stand up to any resistance from your DDs or husband, and insist that he moves into a home as soon as a room becomes available.

Could you have intermittent live in care so say you had 24 hours'off duty" once or twice a week?
Sending you love and best wishes during this very difficult time.

I am going this afternoon to visit the nursing home that has a relief bed available on Monday. A friend is coming with me for support and an objective eye. I did not want the DDs coming as they are so closely involved and I would feel emotionally pulled around.

I do feel it is the right thing for me at the moment, but I know he does not feel it is right for him. It is very hard.

This must be your decision and no-one else’s.
You are the one who needs the break.
If it is suitable do not waver.
It will be much easier after the first time.
Your D’s must be behind your decision 100%.

I hope the Nursing Home turns out to be suitable , you need the relief to be able to carry on , I am sure your DDs will be understanding when they see how much it helps you

Dear Lucky girl, please go for it unless it's totally unsuitable. You are the one who shoulders all the care and
its too much. You need to be a bit tough about this.
And don't tell your DH until Sunday night or even Monday am. So he has less time to worry about it.

Lucky All I can send is my best wishes and hope that on Monday your DH is settled in the nursing home.
You can then draw breath and hopefully look into getting yout knee sorted.

If you feel it’s right then it is lucky, be brave. As ann says if it’s suitable then do not waver.

Lucky you must do what you feel is right for you, and I think you're wise to be going with a friend rather than your daughters. For anything else I know you would value their input, but this situation is different, and you must think of yourself, as you so desperately need some respite to get your physical health back on an even keel.

Good luck, I will be thinking of you

Thinking about you Luckygirl.

It's not for ever lucky, just to give you a break.

Let us know how it goes.

It was grim - in all conscience I could not let him go there. My friend endorsed this view, and she knows OH well. I would not have benefited from the rest, knowing he was somewhere he would hate.

I am currently in contact with the hospice as the consultant there said that if we got desperate she would do all she could to make out a case for finding a temporary bed; even though the hospice has stopped its usual respite system. I have to hope that they come up with something.

I will continue to pursue the live-in carer option as well. There has to be a way through this.

Hope that the hospice comes through for you
Sending kindest thoughts to you and your DH

Hospice have replied very positively and are talking about the possibility of a bed at the end of next week. It is the one place that I feel I could rest easy with him being there. So fingers are well and truly crossed!

I could then use that time to get live-in care sorted.

Sounds hopeful, lucky. I do hope it happens.