OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Sounds a brighter situation. Poor thing though. It's so awful having to share with such a noisy nieghbour and with no escape. I bet a decent night's sleep would be hard to achieve in that ward. I hope he can be moved somewhere quieter and with less overworked staff.

I have just spent the lunch time with him and he is out in a chair at last - they used a hoist. Catheter and oxygen are out now; just one more bag of fluid and hopefully the drip will come down too. He is in better spirits and not confused; no delusions so far when I was there.

He is quite dozy - but is rational and not in too much pain thankfully. Crazy guy on next bed has stopped bellowing thank goodness!

He still looks clean from my wash and shave last night. I will make sure I keep on top of that.

That’s so depressing to read, Lucky. He shouldn’t be allowed to sit and lie in stained clothing and surely a basic wash is essential to maintain good hygiene. How long would it take? Busy or not I would be inclined to bring it to the attention of the CE, or the department manager. The poor NHS is in dire straits and while the professional service is wonderful the support system often leaves a lot to be desired.

Luckygirl, hope your DH is getting stronger and that conditions are also improving.

Hope things are better today Luckygirl.

Lucky, just wanted to check in and say hello.

Just what I was going to say corner.

Hope you are ok today, lucky.

lucky if things don’t improve please talk with PALS, usually very tactfully helpful.

Like charleygirl, I too am shocked at the lack of personal care for your OH, lucky. The hospital must be very understaffed if such basic nursing is not happening. Perhaps you should make a formal complaint to hospital management.

I'm so sorry it is like this. You should not be wearing yourself out. I really hope you can get more nursing help very soon xx

We do have a suitable hospital but they will not move him there till he is off antibiotics, oxygen, drip, catheter. I can't wait for him to be moved.

I have had a long sleep and feel better to face the fray.

Thank you all for your support.

Oh dear, Luckygirl, that is not good at all.
DH's friend was in hospital and not really being cared for (although he would not have a word said against the staff) and now has been moved to the local hospital which seems to be an interim between the main hospital and home or a care home. It is so much better there and the nurses do have more time to attend to the patients' needs, along with physiotherapists etc.
Do you have a community hospital with similar facilities near you that your DH could be moved to fairly soon?

Please take care of yourself too.

I am so sorry Luckygirl. I know you have written before about your DH, and this must be so much worse for him to bear and of course for you. It definitely shouldn't be like this in hospital, you shouldn't have to bear the responsibility for his meds and meals and hygiene. Unfortunately I know what you mean, if it's anything like the district hospital where my mother spent weeks. The acute shortage of nurses means most of them are running around doing their best, but know that they are letting patients down. Relatives dont like to complain because they feel that their loved ones are vulnerable and they don't wish to further demoralise staff who are often individually kind and caring, and the situation is not easily resolved. However, basic care such as washing and changing your DH should at least be done. I hope you can manage to get the rest you need, and that he improves soon so that he can be moved to somewhere calmer and kinder. Kind thoughts and best wishes.

If a great lump like me can be levered out of bed and stood up with one Physio , i cannot see why two could not get your DH out of bed , if he is sitting out he might feel a bit better .In fact an Aide and one nurse can do it , and yes , he should be washed every morning . My OH was clean and tidy even though he was completely immobile . I think the bed can be raised and lowered so you don't have to bend over so much

I’m so sorry lucky, so much pressure and worry. If off loading here helps then of course do it I understand the staff are busy but it does sound as if your husband’s care could be better. Wishing you success with your mission later. I’m pleased your daughter will be there to support you.

Lucky I hate to say it but your DH is not being cared for. It does not sound to me as though he has been washed since admission if he still has the same revolting top on.

I do not care how busy the nursing staff are, it is their job to care for the patient and if that means sitting by his bed and feeding him hot food, so be it

I am well aware of his weight and general weakness but if two physios do not at the very least stand him tomorrow sometime I would be asking questions. He should have a frame in front of him and a physio either side.

lucky taking in food you know your dear OH likes and can eat is definitely the way to go , as is a rest , please get into bed and stretch out , nothing like bending over a bed to pain your back , massive hugs and best wishes for both of you xxxxxxxx

You 'offload' whenever you need to
Hope you can get some sleep now
Sending kind thoughts and wishing you great strength

I have just come back from the hospital to have a sleep as I am at the end of my energy. I will go back in when I wake up. I have decided not to worry about the mealtines - I will just take in stuff I know he loved and give it to him whatever the time of day. The nurses say they will feed him his meals, but I know that by the time they get round to it (they are frantic in there) it will be congealed on the plate.

He is not making any progress - still not been sat out, and still got catheter, fluids, oxygen etc.

When I was with him this morning he said he was going to asphyxiate himself. We just need to get him to the point where he can be discharged to a more peaceful cottage hospital.

He is in a PJ top that he has had on for about 4 days and it is revolting - caked in dried drool and food, as is his beard and moustache. I always made sure that his tops were washed every day at home as he drools a lot. A DD and I are going in later to try and change his top and shave his beard very short.

But for now I just need sleep and more sleep. My back is paining me from bending over the bed to try and hear what he is saying.

The nurses are doing their best - they are just up against it.

Sorry - offload over.

With any luck the relatives of the fellow in the next bed shouting and screaming his head off will get him moved to a single room- they probably think he is mixing with the more downmarket- if only they knew! You could complain about the noise because it must be affecting your DH big style and he cannot lie in bed with blankets covering his face 24/7 to drown out the awful noise. I think that is very insensitive of the staff to leave that fellow there in his present mental state.

Please, please, you must look after yourself and get as much rest as possible.

Not surprising that you were a bit befuddled Lucky. I’m thinking out loud, but could you delegate a couple of days ‘care’ to your daughters so that you can just go in for a brief visit whilst they ensure your husband’s general needs are looked after? I just think that you will need to pace yourself before you hit a period of burnout.

Oh nooo! You poor thing, it's easily done when your mind is juggling a thousand things. It must feel overwhelming at the moment, but it will pay off in the end, as your DH will recover quicker with your care. I know Mother's Day is going to be fraught for you, but you have your lovely girls and that's everything.

I wish we did really huge bouquets, but these are pretty.

This is so hard for you, but you must look after yourself and give yourself some down time, or you won't be in any state to look after anyone, never mind yourself. Saying this, I am sure I'd be just the same ...

But this is so so wrong, that they do not have the staff to help and support him the way he needs to- what about those who do not have family?

Thinking of you- much love and hugs.

Thank you.

I had a difficult night as sometimes my statin gives me nightmares and I was wake with that a lot of the time. And then I found I had turned the clocks the wrong way! - I knew exactly which way they should have gone, but must have been a bit befuddled last night.

It would be lovely if the nurses had time to do the things that I am doing then I would only need to go in once a day. I am fine when I am there, but exhausted afterwards.

Hope you've had a restful evening Lucky and that you manage a decent night's sleep.

Can't add any more to Ginny's post, take time for yourself Lucky